God says....
The things you've been through have taken something away.... You've lost some shine, you've lost some of your innocence, and along the way you've also lost YOU. You don't do the things you love to do, you don't get excited the way you did in the old days. But if you'll take My hand, I have a plan... I'm going to teach you how to WAR for your happiness, how to CONTEND for your joy. Child, I'm going to show you how to INTERCEDE for our own soul. And at the end of it all, you'll have your FIRE back. Isaiah 43:19
The things you've been through have taken something away.... You've lost some shine, you've lost some of your innocence, and along the way you've also lost YOU. You don't do the things you love to do, you don't get excited the way you did in the old days. But if you'll take My hand, I have a plan... I'm going to teach you how to WAR for your happiness, how to CONTEND for your joy. Child, I'm going to show you how to INTERCEDE for our own soul. And at the end of it all, you'll have your FIRE back. Isaiah 43:19
This blog has given me an outlet for expressing my thoughts about my weight loss journey. I was excited to write in the beginning. I gained followers and was once told this person felt
as if she was having a conversation with me when she read the blog. Suddenly, I turned around and realized I haven’t kept it up as I once envisioned.
When I started losing the weight, forming new habits — drinking water, power walks, trying new activities, tracking, whatever it was that I felt was necessary to lose the weight
— I was telling myself that this is something I will do for the rest of my life, not just a fast, temporary fix.
Like most people, I was going after the prize.... the goal weight. That magical number on the scale. That’s what I eventually focused on: I will get there, I will get there, I
will get there. My problem was (and it took me awhile to realize this) never once did I ask myself, will I want to keep this up? Salads every day, power walking 5+ miles a day, tracking every day. I told myself, “I
can keep this up.” And for the most part I did. Even after I reached that magical goal weight in 2016, losing a total of 202 lbs., I continued to walk those 5+ miles. Stayed away from unhealthy foods, continued to track what I ate.
These last 6-8 months have been a real struggle. After a long year I finally was back at my goal in February, which seems like a light year ago. Then it was as if a dark cloud hovered
over me and some of what I lost found its way back....AGAIN. I can hear myself saying to the pounds lost when I reached that ultimate goal in 2016 - “You’re not coming back.” I didn’t hear the giggles
at the time but they were there - saying “We’ll see.”
It’s those significant weight gains that are sometimes a sign of where I am emotionally. If I were thinking clearly (as in not listening to the former me), I’d see it
as a siren, and also and a symptom of my imbalance. Often, I’ve eaten out of boredom or just because, or if I’ve become overwhelmed with some areas of my life (dating/relationship, work, comparing what I’m
supposed to be doing with what I AM doing, how I might be letting people down, etc). In the back of my head I know that’s what I used to do before God’s intervention.
I want the person back who walked 10 miles/day - motivated, losing weight consistently. I know if I made it to that magical number once, I can do it again. People say they understand,
but do they really? Each person conducts the journey as it suits them. They follow the program as it works for them. I’ve said this before - and it’s still mostly true. I don’t follow the program as the next person does.
My doctor recently suggested some changes. I reluctantly agreed - if I could eat my plain Greek yogurt with fruit instead of protein shakes. Not sure it has helped as the numbers on the scale have not moved much.
For the most part, I eat healthy; fitness is a huge part of my life. So why am I not happy? I want to go after that prize again. I want to see the number go down on the scale.
Weight Watchers recently changed their platform. Wellness. I do not adapt to change well. I suppose that’s why I worked hard and hurriedly got to goal before their changes in 2016. Most of my success was with the
prior points programs. As most, I rely on Weight Watchers. It’s a well known fact, I can not do this weight loss successfully on my own. If I did, then I wouldn’t have walked through the Weight Watchers doors to
begin with in November 2013.
If I’m being honest, there has been a time or two I was sure I couldn’t make it through something — a breakup, job loss. And yet, I survived it. And yet, I didn’t
eat my feelings through it. What makes it difficult/different this time?
I could blame the gain on many things. Changes in the Weight Watcher program, those evil days each month that sometimes come faster than you think or how society defines "athletic" or "toned." Where would
that get me? I've always followed the Weight Watcher program differently than the next person. Those evil days are going to come whether I like them to or not. Some months it's better than others. And
no one is forcing me to listen to media outlets, social media posts, etc.
Maintaining has been very difficult. I mentioned in a post on my Glitter All the Weigh Facebook page, as with any addiction, the temptations will always be there. It's my choice how I deal with them. The struggle will always be
present but it's how much of a struggle I make it. I wrote about this balance thing a few posts back. I'm still wrestling with that too. How do you make it work? If you lost your shine, how did you get it back?
