Women seem to get joked about when it comes to changing their minds. We can never settle on one decision. And that a man's thoughts go in straight lines in his mind. Whereas a woman's thoughts are like spaghetti and never follow a straight line. Maybe so, but we seem to have done well for ourselves so far.
When I started my weight loss journey in 2014, I had no idea what path I embarked on. No decisions were made, other than I had to lose weight if I wanted to get my diabetes under control. No numbers were thought of. Surprisingly no goals made ahead of time. I took it as it came. Awesome days/weeks, good days/weeks, not so good days/weeks. And eventually I went from 375 lbs to 173 lbs in about a year and a half.
I was learning how to change my eating and adjust to a healthier lifestyle. I realized my health could no longer afford the pizzas, burgers, ice cream and junk food I once ate. If I wanted to live into my golden years, I needed to make some changes. In order to find things that worked best, I changed up what I ate, what activity I did.
Those changes, for the most part, stayed true through the entire journey. Along the way I was known to change my mind about this weight loss of mine. I changed what I ate. I changed how many miles I walked. I changed how I looked at things. All for the better. The changes seemed to work and afforded me to reach my weight loss goal in 2015.
That was five years ago. Since then, there have been five years of changes. Changes in thought and actions. Life changes. When I reached my weight loss goal and reached a weight I hadn't seen since high school, or for that matter junior high, I thought I would be at that weight for the rest of my life. I proclaimed the weight would never come back on. I was going to remain at this number and would continue to wear a size 12. Experience new things with this new weight of mine.
Over the last five years, my mind and body have battled to find a neutral space and be on the same page. My mind wants to get back to the number I reached in 2015. The number I once called happy weight. My body is struggling to get there. I almost got there in 2017-2018 but it was short lived. I changed things around in hopes that it would kick start something. My body seemed to be stubborn.
So 2020 is preparing to go out with a bang. It was a tough year for sure. Instead of getting tough and working to lose the weight, I went through a period of feeling abandoned. The constants I relied on were gone. One thing I have learned the last 6-7 years is that I cannot remain successful on my own. I need that accountability. I have gained some of the weight back. And for me, one who adamantly proclaimed it wouldn't come back, is saddened. Sure, I could blame several issues. But it's all on me.
So, I did some thinking and once again, made some changes. I am slowly working back to getting 4-5 miles done in the morning. Five miles might be a stretch with a time issue, but I can do 4 miles. I also had a conversation with my body. It reminded me that my body is 4-5 years older. I will turn 50 in 2021. Maybe my body can't successfully sustain a weight like I reached in 2015.
I asked my doctor if we could go back to my original weight goal. The one I reached on Father's day in 2015. It was somewhat of a hard decision to come to. But, it's a better, easy to reach, number. One that I believe I can maintain. Once I reach it, I can always lose a little more.
It may take me all of 2021 to reach this modified goal, but it'll be a little less stressful. Doesn't mean I won't change things up. Nothing changes except what has to. It's trial and error. My doctor once told me that what worked before won't work now.
Hopefully six months from now - maybe 9, I'll be back saying that I finally reached goal weight and redeemed my lifetime status.
Of course, I'll do it with Glitter All the Weigh!
Happy New Year!
