Rarely a bridesmaid, Never a bride....so where's the trigger

***So I had thought about changing the subject of this post.  I met and a great guy this past weekend. Only hope it's the beginning of a wonderful adventure.  But I got to thinking the post could still apply.  So I'm leaving it as is.  Who knows?  I could be at this spot all over again in a blink of an eye.....which appears could be today.*****

An invitation arrives in the mail.  Ugh! Another wedding.  So you show up at the reception, toast the newlyweds while scoping the guests for a potential candidate.  I've done it.

Or the person on the scale next to yours loses those 4, 5, or 6 lbs that you were supposed to lose  You worked just as hard right?  

I can count on one hand the times I've been part of a wedding.  I can count on one hand how many times I've been the front runner from a job interview.  I would still have fingers left to count how many times I've been the object of someone's pursuit or interest.  And although I met someone great this past weekend, the trigger is always at the ready.

For me, finding out the job I wanted went to someone else, the guy I was truly interested in likes someone else, or hell when my emotions get the best of me, I still turn to food.  Yes, even after losing the weight I have, food is a trigger.

Deep down there is still part of me that reaches for or makes a bad choice when something doesn't go the way I think it should.  Learning how to handle and process these emotions is ever ongoing.  I texted a friend not too long ago about a trigger food.  She asked what is a trigger food.  I explained to her they are foods that I will eat when I experience certain emotions.

We all have them.  No sense in denying it.  Foods that when certain emotions rear their ugly heads stand front and center.  For me the BIGGEST thing that can make my finger on the trigger shake is putting myself out in the "real world."  Meeting new people, especially men.  Because this social experiment we call dating is still new to me, when the signs aren't there or the signals aren't what they're supposed to be,  I can regress and want to crawl in a bunker.

I have seen several posts about women like being chased.  Chased? What is that?  Oh, that is when a boy pursues a girl whom he likes.  Yeah, I've never experienced that.  I don't get the guys tripping over themselves to ask me out nor text me.  (Please remember to just nod and say okay)

Nor do I get every company I interview with leaving messages on my phone wanting me immediately.  I have to realize those things do not happen to me.  Several months ago I submitted my success story to Weight Watchers.  Although it was nice that my leader encouraged me to do so, I knew I wouldn't get selected.  I try to hope for the best but always expect the reality.

Although I don't call on Papa Johns for a large pizza or grab a pint of Blue Bell in a popular flavor, I still reach for those foods that are not good choices.  I reach for bags of Chex Mix (Turtle is my favorite mixed with the dark chocolate) or cookie dough.  They soothe.  Once that trigger is pulled it takes me a while to get over the impact.

There is a girl in this singles group I am TRYING to invade who told a few guys the other night that I am a rare unicorn.  I'm not sure what that means, although I know it is something good.  I wish employers and men would see that and want to get to know me.  What makes me a rare unicorn.

While I was losing the 202 lbs., I was careful to keep my hand off the trigger.  So what is it hard now that I am Lifetime?  It was so easy when all I focused on was losing the weight.  Maybe I just answered my own question.  But at the same time, I yearn for that great job, someone special in my life, and to be able to do those fun things.

Whether it's a large trigger or a small one, they will always be there.  People can tell you how to handle it, but you may not follow the advice exactly.   I want a day, a week, a year, when I can toss the trigger(s) in the water and watch it/them sink to the bottom.   I'm anxiously awaiting that day.

Christina

The comforts of home.

It is scheduled.....your vacation.  Excitement sets in because you're visiting a place you've never been to before.  Excited about having new adventures, etc.  Then you see it......the phrase you've been waiting for......all the comforts of home.  Whether it be the treadmill, the fluffy pillows or plenty of bottled water.  

Or the smell of your favorite comfort food.  Your mouth waters at the thought of meatloaf, mac and cheese, or that platter of fried chicken.  Then you remember what you've worked so hard to achieve and wouldn't want to ruin all that hard work.  

I stepped up with my big girl panties on and went ahead and weighed on Sunday.  Not as bad as I thought.  The last two weeks have had their shares of stressful moments.  And I seemed to want was comfort food....or what I now called comfort food.  

Those things I call comfort now are my running shoes, being able to walk, and apples.  But I also find (sometimes) the inside of my house very comfortable.  I tend to be the "all or nothing" type person and when those things I've wanted or waited for so long don't happen, the the thought of cozying up on my couch is the best thing.

I was added to a singles group via facebook.  It's quite entertaining and it takes over my entire feed, which is good I suppose this week with all the Valentine (yuk!) posts.  It has prompted me to step outside my comfort zone to do things.  The other night I went to an event and I was so out of my comfort zone it felt like outer space.  I suppose it's because I didn't have an escape plan.  And the night before that I was in the same area of my comfort zone but just outside a little bit.  Got my behind slapped and hoisted off the ground.

That's what this new life of mine is all about.....leaving my comfort zone and doing things I normally wouldn't do.  But when I am so far removed from it that I start having panic attacks, I can't seem to get inside fast enough.  I remember the first time I walked into Victoria Secret.  I remember thinking, why am I in here?  And look now, I can't stay out of it.  Maybe because my zone is within eye range.

I could choose to attend events within a certain mileage radius.  But then I would only see what was within that 30 miles.  I wouldn't get to experience anything outside that 30 miles.   No, I'm not going to stay within that 30 miles.  But when I leave the zone, I will have an escape route.

All the comforts of home.  Wouldn't it be nice if those things we choose to do that are outside our comfort zone weren't so far out after all?  It'd be nice if all the restaurants had Weight Watcher Smart Points on their menus.  Sometimes we need those comforts of home to make us feel safer.  I think if we are able to still have those favorite things with us when we leave the zone, we are able to enjoy this new experience better.

The theme this week is Who Do You Inspire?  I was thinking about this.  This may sound corny or selfish, but I inspire myself.  I inspire myself to continue this healthy journey and learning to leave the zone and enjoy new experiences.  Meet new people.

 Y'all have a great week!   Yes, Happy Heart Day.......just because y'all are cuties.

Christina