Rarely a bridesmaid, Never a bride....so where's the trigger

***So I had thought about changing the subject of this post.  I met and a great guy this past weekend. Only hope it's the beginning of a wonderful adventure.  But I got to thinking the post could still apply.  So I'm leaving it as is.  Who knows?  I could be at this spot all over again in a blink of an eye.....which appears could be today.*****

An invitation arrives in the mail.  Ugh! Another wedding.  So you show up at the reception, toast the newlyweds while scoping the guests for a potential candidate.  I've done it.

Or the person on the scale next to yours loses those 4, 5, or 6 lbs that you were supposed to lose  You worked just as hard right?  

I can count on one hand the times I've been part of a wedding.  I can count on one hand how many times I've been the front runner from a job interview.  I would still have fingers left to count how many times I've been the object of someone's pursuit or interest.  And although I met someone great this past weekend, the trigger is always at the ready.

For me, finding out the job I wanted went to someone else, the guy I was truly interested in likes someone else, or hell when my emotions get the best of me, I still turn to food.  Yes, even after losing the weight I have, food is a trigger.

Deep down there is still part of me that reaches for or makes a bad choice when something doesn't go the way I think it should.  Learning how to handle and process these emotions is ever ongoing.  I texted a friend not too long ago about a trigger food.  She asked what is a trigger food.  I explained to her they are foods that I will eat when I experience certain emotions.

We all have them.  No sense in denying it.  Foods that when certain emotions rear their ugly heads stand front and center.  For me the BIGGEST thing that can make my finger on the trigger shake is putting myself out in the "real world."  Meeting new people, especially men.  Because this social experiment we call dating is still new to me, when the signs aren't there or the signals aren't what they're supposed to be,  I can regress and want to crawl in a bunker.

I have seen several posts about women like being chased.  Chased? What is that?  Oh, that is when a boy pursues a girl whom he likes.  Yeah, I've never experienced that.  I don't get the guys tripping over themselves to ask me out nor text me.  (Please remember to just nod and say okay)

Nor do I get every company I interview with leaving messages on my phone wanting me immediately.  I have to realize those things do not happen to me.  Several months ago I submitted my success story to Weight Watchers.  Although it was nice that my leader encouraged me to do so, I knew I wouldn't get selected.  I try to hope for the best but always expect the reality.

Although I don't call on Papa Johns for a large pizza or grab a pint of Blue Bell in a popular flavor, I still reach for those foods that are not good choices.  I reach for bags of Chex Mix (Turtle is my favorite mixed with the dark chocolate) or cookie dough.  They soothe.  Once that trigger is pulled it takes me a while to get over the impact.

There is a girl in this singles group I am TRYING to invade who told a few guys the other night that I am a rare unicorn.  I'm not sure what that means, although I know it is something good.  I wish employers and men would see that and want to get to know me.  What makes me a rare unicorn.

While I was losing the 202 lbs., I was careful to keep my hand off the trigger.  So what is it hard now that I am Lifetime?  It was so easy when all I focused on was losing the weight.  Maybe I just answered my own question.  But at the same time, I yearn for that great job, someone special in my life, and to be able to do those fun things.

Whether it's a large trigger or a small one, they will always be there.  People can tell you how to handle it, but you may not follow the advice exactly.   I want a day, a week, a year, when I can toss the trigger(s) in the water and watch it/them sink to the bottom.   I'm anxiously awaiting that day.

Christina