If you have to cry, go outside, but whatever you do, DON'T eat!

I saw a quote that said, "Food is the most abused anxiety drug.  Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant."   

We revisited the topic of emotional eating in our Weight Watchers meeting.  The group agreed that emotional eating and learning how to combat it is one of the MOST dangerous/ important issues on any weight loss journey.   I sat there thinking that sometimes we think it might be emotional eating when it could very well be boredom.  Like watching TV and eating a bag of chips.  It wasn't the intention to eat the entire bag, but before too long, the ENTIRE bag is gone.  Emptied.

Emotional/Stress eating is a big issue for me.  As well as eating out of boredom.  The only thing(s) that saved me during storm Harvey was there was no "comfort," "storm," or "binge" type food in my kitchen.  Boredom surely set in as I was stuck inside for a few days.  

I find that my emotional eating is at its worst when I feel I'm not good enough.  Rejection.  Guilt.  Negativity.  The feeling that food is a shield and won't reject me enter my thoughts.  I mean, the bag of Chex Mix, chips, or box of cookies isn't going to reject me.  It's a way to suppress all those negative feelings.  And it certainly isn't going to suggest healthier options.  That's up to me.  The part of the brain that knows better.  Emotions can sometimes be tied (linked) to eating habits that without knowing, reaching for that donut or slice of pizza when feelings of anger, stress or negativity arise is out of habit.  Plainly, the connection between negative emotions and unhealthy foods is a strong one.  

When I felt let down, rejected, or otherwise unattractive, it was nothing for me to reach for a pint of ice cream or bag of chips.  Now I must learn to turn those negative feelings into something positive.  Instead of eating unhealthy foods, turn to activity or positive thoughts.  But you don't hear what foods we are drawn to with a positive mood.  If we're drawn to any certain foods at all.  If I'm feeling good about myself I usually don't think of food....healthy or otherwise.  However, I read an article that stated some research shows people in positive moods are more likely to choose fruit over chocolate. 

It's important for me to learn that not every celebration needs to involve food.  But that's what we've been conditioned to do.  Birthday, where to go to celebrate?  What to eat? Holiday, who'll cook what?  Or go out? But some say that emotional eaters turn everyday occurrences into celebratory situations...allowing them to justify eating "comfort" food.  Emotions and eating are two regular components of our lives that they usually get tangled up with one another. 

I will admit, I still use food sometimes as a "healer."  Not all the time, but it is there.  After a break-up, I think what's the point? So I jump at the chance when someone wants Mexican.  After all, I wasn't attractive to the man that just turned me down, so I must not be good enough.  Getting news that I was passed over for a job I interviewed for, the food is there to console me.  Then stress enters the picture.  How do I tame it?  I try not to let it consume me.  Yoga helps.  And all that walking I do takes my mind off of those negative emotions. 

Food will always be a struggle for me.  That's why it's important for me to work on balance, flexibility, and keeping my emotions in check.  The fat girl is still here and it is so easy for her to rear her ugly head when emotions get the best of me.   It's all about control.  We all know that life doesn't revolve around control.  As long as I can control something........the something being what I put in my mouth (or how I stop it), I'll be okay.  I'm hesitant to let life enter a little.  I know what happened the last time I let life in....I gained 30 pounds and spent this past last year losing it.  Talk about emotions getting the best of me! 

I will win the battle with the emotions monster.  Learning to let things go.  Realizing that emotions (and eating) are a big part of life.  Unhealthy food (more like unhealthy choices) doesn't have to be tied to them.  Maybe then this balance, and flexibility thing will work out. 

My journey is Glitter all the Weigh!  How about yours?  Have an awesome week!

"Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!"  Christina 

My balance beam is more like a tight rope!

"Balance is not something you find; it's something you create." 

I should be happy about this but I'm more anxious than I was the first time I reached Lifetime status.  Sunday I landed in Lifetime again...and for the last time.  These 30 pounds were the hardest to lose than the initial 200 that ushered me in Lifetime, awarding me a little gold key.  Thirty pounds of boyfriend weight, emotional/stress induced eating, plus just plain boredom.  The boyfriends went away yet the weight remained.  I was eventually employed but the weight from being home and stressed was still there.  I'd tell myself I was working at it, but I was eating things I shouldn't.  And not tracking them.  

So as I stepped on the scale and the weigh in lady told me I was back to Lifetime, part of me was elated.  The other part, well, anxiety and fear started to set in.  And so early.  Those emotions didn't even wait till I got home. 

After the meeting I did what I always do; that is walk my 5 miles.  I walked a new trail due to the waterway being otherwise used.  It was the hardest 4.5 miles in a long time.  But these walks are what keep me where I am.  So I made it back to Lifetime and got my teeth worked on.  All they needed was a deep cleaning.  So I can actually eat things other than a soft diet.  So, the real work, the hard work, begins.  Balance.  I still wobble and feel like I'm going to fall off and end up where I was just a month or so after I finished my half marathon.  I wasn't even at my goal the first time a MONTH before I let life take over.  Intervene.  It somewhat sabotaged the wise choices I needed to make. 

Balance.  If you know me personally (as a person, in real life) you may know that I go with gusto towards everything.  It's go big or go home.   How am I supposed to continue doing what I'm doing - 5 mile walks, yoga, watching what I eat, tracking everything, warding off negative thoughts, insecure thoughts - and still live life?  Maybe it's not supposed to happen right away.  Baby steps.  Ha!  I've never been one to take baby steps.  Before, dating was a factor in the weight finding its "weigh" back; as of now, there aren't any prospects to hinder my success at balancing.  What do I try first?  Compromising.  Meeting friends.  Loosen the rigidity.  I have no clue.  For the better part of my existence, I shielded myself from any of that.  Stayed home.  Ate.  Now, at 46 I feel like I have a brand new start.  It's overwhelming.  

Maybe not today.  You find out who your friends are eventually.  I opened up to my WW buddy (and #solesister) how my feelings were hurt by something my neighbors commented on.  She offered to go out with me. Saying it's probably best to associate with like minded people.   And while one twin (I'm Gemini) thought that was awesome, the sensible one crushed the idea.   Envisioning something in the head often doesn't happen the exact way in life.  I envisioned going out, not letting the loud people, the crowds, insecure thoughts get to me.  

I realize there's no end because this is the lifestyle I chose.  Healthier lifestyle.  A lifestyle free of processed foods, junk foods, grease laden large pizzas.  I chose to have normal blood pressure, normal range sugars.  Balance.  Real work.  Maintenance.  Hard work.  But after the storm I have walked through, I have faith that with my awesome supporters and determination, I will stay at goal.  Or at least not wobble too far away.  

The Learning Never Stops.....

Pursuit of Happyness:  Learning how to accept myself after losing 200 lbs, the struggles I face, and to enjoy life as I am..  

Long before I started this blog or even my weight loss journey, I was an unhappy thirty-something (turned forty-something).  My fashion sense consisted of elastic waist pants and the same blouse and tank in many colors.  Self-esteem was basically non-existent.  Unable to find clothes in regular stores, there was only one store I could find clothes in yet they were made for the "older" woman.  I had no idea the start of my weight loss journey would begin in a hospital.  Read my story here. 

If someone told me years ago I would practice yoga and LOVE it, not to mention do it on a  paddle board (read about it here), I would say "No way!"  Before I would scoff at the idea of doing a marathon but I did. In 2016 with my walking buddy by my side, I did my first half marathon.  The glow and empowerment I felt running across the finish line in under 3 hours was unbelievable.

The initial reason I started this blog was to chronicle my weight loss journey....and because a fellow Weight Watcher member suggested I do.  To share the struggles, ups and downs, and small victories (okay, and some big ones).  I initially lost 202 lbs, reaching lifetime status in 2016 with a weight of 173.6, which was short lived.  I became comfortable with food and threw all wise choices out the window.  My weight slowly climbed and before too long, 11, 15, 25 lbs. found their way back.  Or as I like to call it boyfriend weight.  To go from 375.6 to 173.6 is an awesome feat in my book.  The 25 lbs. I gained back wasn't even close to all of it.

But I wanted to lose the weight I gained after reaching lifetime.  I found it to be a struggle.  Things kept happening, igniting my bad emotional/stress induced eating habits.  Boredom.  I'd lose the same 2-5 lbs. only to gain it back.  It wasn't until a storm named Harvey blew into town that I was given a push in the right direction.  The weight started to come off.  I believe the cravings for sweets has diminished.  I am hoping to earn the lifetime key back shortly.

One thing is for sure, since starting this blog, I've learned so much about weight loss, maintenance, what foods I now like, and about a hundred other things.  Not to mention having gained so much support on my journey.   These are some things I have learned and experienced on my journey. 

Sitting Indian-style was foreign to me until now.  Now I do it with such ease.  

My stomach used to reach my knees when I sat down.  No more!  I actually see my knees and not my stomach.  

I nearly squealed the first time I could paint my toenails.  I can bend my leg and reach over to pain them.  

I've learned when I am shopping I don't look for the largest size before I decide if I like it.  I look for clothing I like first then I look for my size.  

I actually love taking selfies and seeing myself in pictures.  Before, I dreaded photo ops.  Now I really like it and jump at the chance.

My body chemistry has changed.  I used to be hot (and uncomfortable) all the time, complaining when people turned the temp up from 72. Now when it is 72 I put a sweater on.  I seem to be cold (or chilly) most of the time.

I love to see my shadow when I go on walks.  I actually see a slender person.

Before, I'd get winded just taking the stairs to my car.  Now I walk 5 miles / 7 days a week (well most days). 

I actually have men hit on me since losing the weight.  Trying to navigate the dating scene. It never happened before mainly because I hid inside my house.  

I no longer wear granny panties.  I can actually buy cute undies!

When I now sit in a chair, there is room on either side of me (and that's with arms!) instead of before when I would hardly fit in a chair.

I have always considered myself girly, but now I feel it more than ever.  I embrace being girly (but an empowered woman at the same time).  

It's important to do everything I can to maintain my weight.  Includes measuring everything I eat.  

I said good bye to fast food.  These lips haven't touched a hamburger in over 3 years.

I gave up soda and strictly drink water with an occasional tea with meals.  

I have a commitment of walking 5 miles every morning (yes even on weekends).  

I've learned maintenance is HARD.  

I can't be too cocky or comfortable with myself a/k/a the cute syndrome.  I feel good and get told I look cute but I can't let that go to my head.

Fat girl really hasn't moved out.  Some days she is louder.  There are days I see my imperfections and feel unworthy of finding love.  Fat Girl somehow wants to sabotage me and tell me the weight will come back on.

Skinny girly girl shuts Fat Girl up most days.  She loves to shop for small clothes and have fun.

Old habits sometimes make an appearance.  But there are those that completely gross me out.  I am ashamed and disgusted at what I used to eat.

It's a healthy lifestyle change, not a diet.  I don't speak the word diet.  I defend this change when other question.

Support is big!  Losing weight is a little easier when encouragement comes from those that love me.  And want the best for me and cheer me on at every small victory.

There is wonder everywhere.  New activities to try.  New foods to eat.  New experiences.  

Negative talk is not good for anyone.  When I have those silent negative thoughts, I try to do something to banish them away.


I learn something new every day about myself, about maintaining (and losing) weight, and life.  I am somewhat anxious about the next chapter.  Learning how to balance, let life in again, and have fun while at the same time keeping those wise/healthy choices at the forefront of my mind.  And when I feel down or like nothing is going right, I just think of where I have come from.   To think I could have not chosen to not visit the ER that day, there's a chance I would not be here today. 

Christina
Leaving glitter everywhere I go!