A meet up with my younger self......

 "To your younger self....forgive her. To your current self....believe in her. To your future self....create her."

Apparently there is a trend going around where you post about meeting your younger self for coffee and having a conversation. So I got on the trend and this is how it went.  

After I finished a little over 3 miles (some of which I ran in the rain) on this early rainy Saturday, I sat down with my younger self for coffee. Well, she drank water, I had a limited edition Starbucks Brown Sugar Cinnamon coffee.  

She wrinkled her nose and asked me when I started drinking coffee. I smiled and remember the day I took a sip. I met a dear British friend for coffee at a local cafe. I didn't know what I would drink if I didn't have coffee. I told my younger self I decided it was time to grow up so I had a cup and have never looked back.  

As we sat, tears welled up in her eyes. She cried and told me she was tired of being overweight and feeling alone, isolated. She had yet to really date and go out and do things. I told her she has an aha moment and she loses over 200 pounds. She meets some really awesome people who become her closest friends.  Shaking her head as she doesn't believe me, she asks if her dream of being skinny came true. I smiled and said yes, but not without hard work and tough choices. I left out the hospital visit and the diabetes.  

I'm dressed in my yoga/running pants, hair up in a ponytail, Brooks and a short sleeve shirt.  She asked if I really enjoyed being active. I told her I did and I realized how capable I am of so many things. I told her she gets addicted to races, running, and yoga. Even joins a run club.  And so much more.  

I tell her she changes the way she eats, gives up diet drinks, ice cream and fast food. She commits herself to Weight Watchers for the last time and succeeds. She asks if it was hard. I tell her it was challenging at times, but it was something she had to do. I am honest and tell her there are some bumps and detours but she conquers them. She sits and listens. Listens to the stories I tell of finishing a half marathon, not once, but 3 times. Stories of letting go of how she thinks things should go and enjoy. Enjoy the organic development of it all.  

Before we get up and leave, I ask her for a favor. I tell her I'm doing something sort of big in a couple of weeks and could she be at the finish line. She might see some awesome people. She smiles and says she will. She then asks me what I thought about starting a blog. I suggest the name be something sparkly. She'll inspire many others.  

Did I mention the conversation was filled with Glitter all the weigh? 

You will.... again

 "You will be in the moment again. You will find yourself again. You will get into a routine again. You will believe in something bigger than yourself again. You will return because you're not going backwards, but softening inwards. You are bringing into expression the person who has always lived inside. You have not lost the hope within you, for it is the home that will always be your final destination."

Do we really want to talk about 2024? If we must, okay. It was a weird year but the situation(s) gave me time to take care of myself. I think I posted about my left hip surgery. After I recovered I thought things would get back to how they were. I was wrong. I just looked at the last time I blogged. August of 2024. Wow. There are many holes. It was decided that my right hip needed replacing as well. So, in September, I geared up for another surgery. This time, I knew what to expect with recovery.  I could extend the cliffs notes version, but there's not much excitement for the rest of the year.  

Well, except that recovery went well and by Thanksgiving I was walking again. No pain, no limping, no braces. My awesome coach increased my mileage by .25 miles every two weeks. By December I was walking 3 miles during the week and 4 on Saturday.  

I am finally headed toward the moment again. The one where I am doing what I enjoy. Have I found myself again? Not quite. But I am slowly returning to a routine again. And if I can toot my own horn, it feels fantastical.  

I told myself that I would start running again in January. Well, I followed through. I am still in a coral very far in the back, but I am in a much better place than I was the last time I crossed a start line. I am almost forced to enjoy this journey and the progression. I do not mind. I run and there is no pain. Even the arthritic knee holds off until I finish. I adore the friends who have encouraged me along the way. Watched me as I crawled out of a hole only to walk normal again.  They are almost as excited as I am or more watching my progress.  

I still giggle as I put on my socks and lace up my shoes. And I certainly giggle when I cross my legs. I hate to burst the bubble, but.....I still have those thoughts from time to time. I had one earlier this week. You would think after all this time I’d be an expert at how to handle them.

I am on the cusp of something big and I need to make these weeks count. I have no time for bumps. You’ll remind me that everyone has them. While this is true they have mastered the art of letting them roll off the back.

I almost want to chant “today is not that day.” I am excited about returning to my routines. I am excited about being active again. There’ll be a day when I wake up and those thoughts are kept at bay.

And I will run with glitter all the weigh…again.