What to do with an unwanted visitor......

They show up at the most inopportune times......without warning.  And they can stay for hours, days, weeks.....even months or years.  We want them to leave but how do we tell them.  When these unwanted visitors finally DO leave, we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.

I have to admit this transformations sucks at times.  The "after" is not what I thought it would be.  I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle.  After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle.  I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc.  I found that I liked walking and other activities.  I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga.  I conquered climbing half of a rock wall.  I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.

Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people.  A friend of mine put it this way:

"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."

I didn't quite know what road to take after losing those 200 lbs.  What journey do I take now?  I came and conquered.  I saw the sights, rode the rides.   I sent the former "fat" me on her way.  Dubbed her the "ex." Little did I know she'd do everything she could to weasel her way back in my life.  

It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable.  Which I did.  She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD!  Ugh!  I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking.  Just hiding in a corner.  

This unwanted visitor was successful in making herself at home just recently.  I haven't figured out what makes her decide to come back.  I was out earlier this week bowling with some friends.  Someone had a pan of pizza - looked like a quadruple meat variety.  I reached over and took a slice, knowing full well that wasn't a healthy choice.  The "ex" was telling me to go ahead and have one more slice, heck have 2 more slices.  I felt her smiling as I picked up the third slice.  Why not?  After all, I was being whispered things that I had heard years before.  

She settles in and is ready to whisper those things I have tried so hard to forget.  Like when I don't get the interview....she's there to whisper I'm not good enough.  Or when the guy I have my eye on doesn't know I'm alive she whispers it's because I'm still not small enough.  I want to scream and ask her "Where the hell did you come from?"  So how do I get rid the unwanted visitor?

It's a hard task.   A task that may not ever be completed.  Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again.  And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts.  It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.

I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status.  I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks.  I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there.  I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.

I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back.  Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away.  Y'all have a great weekend ahead!

Christina

Some things never change

I am getting back on track.........started getting back into routine with activity last week.  Numbers are going down.......soon I'll be at goal or what is known as "pre-boyfriend weight."  

On one of my walks, or maybe in the shower, I started mentally writing down notes about my next blog topic.  What got me thinking was a beach party I went to last weekend.  It's a big disappointment when the vision you have of a job, date, event, weigh in day, doesn't go the way you thought it would in your head.  So I had envisioned this beach party happening a way in my head. There was lots of drinking; and I don't mean water or ICE carbonated fruit beverages.  I felt so out of place for several reasons.  

After I lost the first 100 lbs., and I was going to Happy Hours and nights out, I had wine, liquor, and those fruity tinis.  And as I have told you, I realized that has never been me.  I was never a drinker before I got sick so why should that change.  Okay, so I will have a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend or two, but not every night or weekend.  And yes, on occasion, I have been known to drink some beer.....rare occasion.  

I realized that was one thing that I did not want to change from the person I used to be.  Why must I change myself completely just because I lost 200 lbs.?  The physical journey is hard enough that when changes to a personality are thrown in, sometimes it's too much.  Doors can be shut on "exes" and they can be kicked out, but they remain the same.

Once I reached my final goal weight, I was pretty sure I had this.  Sure,  I would be able to handle anything thrown at me......well within reason.   I have always been a little shy.  One might go as far to say I am like an onion (yellow sweet) in that I have many layers.  But I realized I can't get comfortable.  Tests are all around me.  Like on those wonderful date nights when I gave in and had a shake from Sonic and a blizzard fro DQ.   I thought I had written off ice cream because as you know I hadn't had it in over two years.    I was out of my element and when you think a craving is gone, it really is just buried in the back of your mind.  I had done well to suppress all those cravings....hamburgers. pizzas, ice cream.   But at that moment, it was like old times.  I had the chocolate shake from Sonic and another time a peanut butter blizzard from DQ.   Whatever I thought had changed, really hadn't.

I lost 202 lbs. and while my outward appearance changed, some aspects of the real me did not.  I thought because I was this new and improved me, that meant new habits.   Okay, maybe some new habits.....healthy, fun habits.  For example, if I wasn't much of a drinker before, why did I think I needed to become one after losing a whole person?

Yes, I am a different person after losing 202 lbs.   This person now does not eat fast food, she makes exercising a priority (2x a day sometimes 3), her beverage of choice is water, and most of all she enjoys the benefits of shopping for smaller clothes.  But  there are some points on my foundation that haven't changed.

When we lose weight, we are changing ourselves.  Our minds and bodies.  Change the way it thinks, choices we make.  But does it have to change completely?  Even more now, I am aware of what the wrong choices can do/ mess up.  I am aware that 3 glasses of wine may not be the BEST option.  As we change, the more the things stay the same.

Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and get email alerts about new posts.  And check out my newest blog.....Dating and Afraid.  

Be kind to one another.