Some things never change

I am getting back on track.........started getting back into routine with activity last week.  Numbers are going down.......soon I'll be at goal or what is known as "pre-boyfriend weight."  

On one of my walks, or maybe in the shower, I started mentally writing down notes about my next blog topic.  What got me thinking was a beach party I went to last weekend.  It's a big disappointment when the vision you have of a job, date, event, weigh in day, doesn't go the way you thought it would in your head.  So I had envisioned this beach party happening a way in my head. There was lots of drinking; and I don't mean water or ICE carbonated fruit beverages.  I felt so out of place for several reasons.  

After I lost the first 100 lbs., and I was going to Happy Hours and nights out, I had wine, liquor, and those fruity tinis.  And as I have told you, I realized that has never been me.  I was never a drinker before I got sick so why should that change.  Okay, so I will have a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend or two, but not every night or weekend.  And yes, on occasion, I have been known to drink some beer.....rare occasion.  

I realized that was one thing that I did not want to change from the person I used to be.  Why must I change myself completely just because I lost 200 lbs.?  The physical journey is hard enough that when changes to a personality are thrown in, sometimes it's too much.  Doors can be shut on "exes" and they can be kicked out, but they remain the same.

Once I reached my final goal weight, I was pretty sure I had this.  Sure,  I would be able to handle anything thrown at me......well within reason.   I have always been a little shy.  One might go as far to say I am like an onion (yellow sweet) in that I have many layers.  But I realized I can't get comfortable.  Tests are all around me.  Like on those wonderful date nights when I gave in and had a shake from Sonic and a blizzard fro DQ.   I thought I had written off ice cream because as you know I hadn't had it in over two years.    I was out of my element and when you think a craving is gone, it really is just buried in the back of your mind.  I had done well to suppress all those cravings....hamburgers. pizzas, ice cream.   But at that moment, it was like old times.  I had the chocolate shake from Sonic and another time a peanut butter blizzard from DQ.   Whatever I thought had changed, really hadn't.

I lost 202 lbs. and while my outward appearance changed, some aspects of the real me did not.  I thought because I was this new and improved me, that meant new habits.   Okay, maybe some new habits.....healthy, fun habits.  For example, if I wasn't much of a drinker before, why did I think I needed to become one after losing a whole person?

Yes, I am a different person after losing 202 lbs.   This person now does not eat fast food, she makes exercising a priority (2x a day sometimes 3), her beverage of choice is water, and most of all she enjoys the benefits of shopping for smaller clothes.  But  there are some points on my foundation that haven't changed.

When we lose weight, we are changing ourselves.  Our minds and bodies.  Change the way it thinks, choices we make.  But does it have to change completely?  Even more now, I am aware of what the wrong choices can do/ mess up.  I am aware that 3 glasses of wine may not be the BEST option.  As we change, the more the things stay the same.

Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and get email alerts about new posts.  And check out my newest blog.....Dating and Afraid.  

Be kind to one another.