They show up at the most inopportune times......without warning. And they can stay for hours, days, weeks.....even months or years. We want them to leave but how do we tell them. When these unwanted visitors finally DO leave, we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.
I have to admit this transformations sucks at times. The "after" is not what I thought it would be. I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle. After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle. I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc. I found that I liked walking and other activities. I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga. I conquered climbing half of a rock wall. I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.
Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people. A friend of mine put it this way:
"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."
I have to admit this transformations sucks at times. The "after" is not what I thought it would be. I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle. After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle. I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc. I found that I liked walking and other activities. I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga. I conquered climbing half of a rock wall. I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.
Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people. A friend of mine put it this way:
"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."
I didn't quite know what road to take after losing those 200 lbs. What journey do I take now? I came and conquered. I saw the sights, rode the rides. I sent the former "fat" me on her way. Dubbed her the "ex." Little did I know she'd do everything she could to weasel her way back in my life.
It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable. Which I did. She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD! Ugh! I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking. Just hiding in a corner.
It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable. Which I did. She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD! Ugh! I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking. Just hiding in a corner.
This unwanted visitor was successful in making herself at home just recently. I haven't figured out what makes her decide to come back. I was out earlier this week bowling with some friends. Someone had a pan of pizza - looked like a quadruple meat variety. I reached over and took a slice, knowing full well that wasn't a healthy choice. The "ex" was telling me to go ahead and have one more slice, heck have 2 more slices. I felt her smiling as I picked up the third slice. Why not? After all, I was being whispered things that I had heard years before.
She settles in and is ready to whisper those things I have tried so hard to forget. Like when I don't get the interview....she's there to whisper I'm not good enough. Or when the guy I have my eye on doesn't know I'm alive she whispers it's because I'm still not small enough. I want to scream and ask her "Where the hell did you come from?" So how do I get rid the unwanted visitor?
It's a hard task. A task that may not ever be completed. Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again. And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts. It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.
I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status. I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks. I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there. I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.
I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back. Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away. Y'all have a great weekend ahead!
Christina
It's a hard task. A task that may not ever be completed. Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again. And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts. It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.
I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status. I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks. I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there. I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.
I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back. Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away. Y'all have a great weekend ahead!
Christina
No comments:
Post a Comment