"Never let a stumble in the road be the end of your journey."
A stumble, divot, or pot hole. All these things I encountered on my weight loss journey. In the beginning, I was able to avoid the pot holes, the stumbles.
As with any journey, I was excited to see where it would take me. It was a slow process. Yes, gone was the large pizza and hamburgers, but it would be months before I realized I enjoyed eating salads, or realizing eating cleanly was the best choice for my body. Those things didn't happen over night. My activity routine was a slow progression as well. I started out walking a little each day, increasing over time to......well....you know. It slowly became a habit. Once I had the walking routine set, I added other activities (over time).....yoga, Zumba, joining a run club.
The first journey was an exciting one and I was doing it for me. Not unlike before where I halfheartedly lost weight for a high school reunion. It's well known what happens to that weight...it shows up again with friends. I lost weight for myself, to be able to live, be healthier. But as I went about my way, learning to eat healthier, and weight coming off in record numbers, I was thrust onto a "stage" where I faced a bright spotlight. At times, I felt exposed and somewhat vulnerable.
While my journey had its share of opportunities to stop and smell the roses, there was a stumble that kept appearing. It was the fear that this weight that I have worked so hard to lose could come back. That at some point, I would stumble, I would fall in a divot and have a hard time climbing out. I started thinking I was sometimes racing on this journey, not enjoying those rest stops to gather my thoughts. To let my mind catch up. I raced to the finish line. But that's what I do. Go big or go home! I not only presented to the ER with newly diagnosed diabetes 3 years ago, high sugars, but it was go big or go home. Pancreatitis and a cyst on my spleen, and high blood pressure.
Once I reached the finish line, had peeled away layer after layer to reveal the newest me, I thought I had reached my destination. Where did I go from here? I had put myself first, changed the way I ate, developed an exercise routine, and faced it with gusto. And as I sat in a Weight Watcher meeting, listening to the leader ask a question: If you were on a 100 journey and realized you forgot something at mile 98, would you turn back? I answered, along with others, 'No.' I hadn't forgotten anything, I told myself. I silently went down the list, checking things off. Exercise, check, Healthy choices, check. Losing weight, check. Healthier, check. Emotions.....wait what?
Among the sights and sounds, possibly that bright spot light, I forgot to give my emotions some attention. I thought my emotions would change on their own and fall in line with everything else. Wrong. I dealt with the physical part of losing weight. The food part of losing weight. But not emotional. I should have been able to deal with them. I just kept thinking, they'll work themselves out. But an exchange was happening. The old emotions were being exchanged for not better ones, just different ones.
With this new journey I am embarking on, I have a check list, an itinerary. Yes, I stumbled and am getting back up. And while I'll probably race to the finish line with regards to getting back to that number I like looking at so much, this time it's about the mind. This journey is not without its struggles.
These last few months were very difficult for me. Besides the struggles of getting back to my goal weight, I was dealing with not working, and other personal issues. How was I supposed to now deal with the mental aspect of the improved me?
Just months prior, I had shed the extra weight that sheltered me for the last 20 years. I may be on this new journey for quite some time. I'll probably enlist an "army" to come along with me. I know that it will not be over night that I will no longer hear the negative thoughts. I know that I won't immediately look in the mirror (with just a towel wrapped around me) and just gush over the healthier me.
For some, the mental preparation of losing weight may start years before. For me, I had to think fast. I associate my journey with that of a girlfriend surprising me with a trip and I had only 5 minutes to pack a bag. How do you prepare for that? So I am doing it backwards you could say.
I have a feeling this journey will be just as interesting, fun filled, lessons abound, and with a wonderful final destination.
As with any journey, I was excited to see where it would take me. It was a slow process. Yes, gone was the large pizza and hamburgers, but it would be months before I realized I enjoyed eating salads, or realizing eating cleanly was the best choice for my body. Those things didn't happen over night. My activity routine was a slow progression as well. I started out walking a little each day, increasing over time to......well....you know. It slowly became a habit. Once I had the walking routine set, I added other activities (over time).....yoga, Zumba, joining a run club.
The first journey was an exciting one and I was doing it for me. Not unlike before where I halfheartedly lost weight for a high school reunion. It's well known what happens to that weight...it shows up again with friends. I lost weight for myself, to be able to live, be healthier. But as I went about my way, learning to eat healthier, and weight coming off in record numbers, I was thrust onto a "stage" where I faced a bright spotlight. At times, I felt exposed and somewhat vulnerable.
While my journey had its share of opportunities to stop and smell the roses, there was a stumble that kept appearing. It was the fear that this weight that I have worked so hard to lose could come back. That at some point, I would stumble, I would fall in a divot and have a hard time climbing out. I started thinking I was sometimes racing on this journey, not enjoying those rest stops to gather my thoughts. To let my mind catch up. I raced to the finish line. But that's what I do. Go big or go home! I not only presented to the ER with newly diagnosed diabetes 3 years ago, high sugars, but it was go big or go home. Pancreatitis and a cyst on my spleen, and high blood pressure.
Once I reached the finish line, had peeled away layer after layer to reveal the newest me, I thought I had reached my destination. Where did I go from here? I had put myself first, changed the way I ate, developed an exercise routine, and faced it with gusto. And as I sat in a Weight Watcher meeting, listening to the leader ask a question: If you were on a 100 journey and realized you forgot something at mile 98, would you turn back? I answered, along with others, 'No.' I hadn't forgotten anything, I told myself. I silently went down the list, checking things off. Exercise, check, Healthy choices, check. Losing weight, check. Healthier, check. Emotions.....wait what?
Among the sights and sounds, possibly that bright spot light, I forgot to give my emotions some attention. I thought my emotions would change on their own and fall in line with everything else. Wrong. I dealt with the physical part of losing weight. The food part of losing weight. But not emotional. I should have been able to deal with them. I just kept thinking, they'll work themselves out. But an exchange was happening. The old emotions were being exchanged for not better ones, just different ones.
With this new journey I am embarking on, I have a check list, an itinerary. Yes, I stumbled and am getting back up. And while I'll probably race to the finish line with regards to getting back to that number I like looking at so much, this time it's about the mind. This journey is not without its struggles.
These last few months were very difficult for me. Besides the struggles of getting back to my goal weight, I was dealing with not working, and other personal issues. How was I supposed to now deal with the mental aspect of the improved me?
Just months prior, I had shed the extra weight that sheltered me for the last 20 years. I may be on this new journey for quite some time. I'll probably enlist an "army" to come along with me. I know that it will not be over night that I will no longer hear the negative thoughts. I know that I won't immediately look in the mirror (with just a towel wrapped around me) and just gush over the healthier me.
For some, the mental preparation of losing weight may start years before. For me, I had to think fast. I associate my journey with that of a girlfriend surprising me with a trip and I had only 5 minutes to pack a bag. How do you prepare for that? So I am doing it backwards you could say.
I have a feeling this journey will be just as interesting, fun filled, lessons abound, and with a wonderful final destination.
No comments:
Post a Comment