When it feels so right and like the first time

So I weighed in on Sunday (skipped last week since it was Easter) and lost 1.4 lbs.  I was hoping to lose a little more to get back to Onderland; but that just means my arrival in Onderland will be next week.  I've been missing Onderland so much.  Not sure if something in Twoterville was beckoning me to visit, but I'm ready to go back home.  

For some reason, an Alabama song was in my head.  So was a Foreigner song so I don't know what was going on.  

I have lost the last few weeks straight.....I think.  I think it's because I went back to the beginning...or am trying to get there.  I returned to my Sunday meetings and taking salads to work.  And it feels right.  I veered off the main path and thought I'd like a change.  Well, if anyone knows me well enough, they know I do not like change.  I worked hard to get to goal before the new Smart Points program, even though whether on maintenance or not, I'd have to learn to work it.

This is the first time I have actually cared to know how much I have lost/gained.  I wasn't looking at my number - not because it's not supposed to be about the number but because I didn't want to see how shameful I was going to be at myself - and that wasn't good.  I was in denial a little bit.  If I didn't look at that number, I could still play it off as being somewhat close to my number.  I couldn't seem to get out of the rut I was in.  And the rut got bigger and bigger.  I knew if I didn't do something I would soon lose control and land somewhere I didn't want to be.

So after my last relationship ended (hop over to my dating page to read more) I decided I had the time to focus on me again.  Put myself first.  Some mornings I would only walk half of what I normally did (5 miles) just so I could come in early to work.  I asked myself why?  I have always been told the work would still be here.  It has taken me a looong time to realize that.  It took a sit down with my supervising attorney for me to see that and to realize I'm a type A personality.  Me?  I never thought I was but apparently I am when it comes to my job.  So I walk my entire 5 miles (or until I get to my step goal for the day) and then I do a 10 minute circuit work out.  I am tracking again, even though I have to do it on the computer since I don't have the app, and sometimes it's hard to remember.  I've started prepping salads again.  It feels like the first time around when the weight was coming off.  I'm getting back to eating healthy.

I mentioned to my friend (and soul sister) that when I didn't eat the chocolate and snacky stuff, I feel much better.  Yet when I was in the rut, I would eat things I knew better.  I would have the chocolate, the pizza and not track it.  Looking at the points I have thinking, I have my weeklies and fit points left. When in reality, I probably was going through my weeklies on Sunday.  I wasn't being honest with myself.

I am committed to getting the weight of 2 boyfriends off and keeping it off.  I am focused on once I get to my happy number to learning how to maintain it.  Once I get back to that number, it will NEVER go back on.  I am committed to making sure of that.  Boyfriends come and go, but I will always be on this journey.  They can be passengers, but I am in the drivers seat.  And now that I am on the main path again, it feels so right, kind of like the first time.

I know I have now put Alabama and Foreigner in your heads!  Just roll with it!  And remember, have fun with this journey...add glitter all the weigh!

Christina 

There's no time to relax or have a vacation

So I seem to have gone on vacation and decided to check out.  I didn't mean to.  I don't have time for a vacation really.  This last month stress has settled in and become my best friend.  I have been so scared I will turn to stress eating.  Thankfully I stayed on track for the most part and steered the car straight home instead of letting it go auto pilot and head to the store.  And because of my hard work and tracking, I have lost close to 9-10 lbs in the last 2 weeks.  

A vacation is supposed to help recharge.  Recharge so work will be a little easier to handle.  Recharge when stress is in abundance.  This "vacation" I've been on did the opposite.  I was on vacation from my exercise/activity.  Vacation from making healthy choices.  I realized that there is no vacation from this lifestyle.  No vacation from maintaining a weight loss.  If you need recharging, as in losing a few pounds, then maybe go back to the very beginning.  That's what I've almost had to do.  

I knew I needed a recharge when my clothes started getting tight.  I was determined NOT to buy bigger clothes.  And I realized just because I wanted to change meetings times didn't mean it would suddenly help me.  It's all mental.  I have to take responsibility for the weight I put on while on vacation. 

When the weight first started to come off, I felt great.  I felt motivated.  I was tracking every day. So what did I use this time to recharge from the vacation?  After this last relationship ended I realized maybe I need to focus on me and get serious about getting back to my goal weight.  I let myself go all because there was a man interested in me.  So I got serious.  I made a point to walk twice every day. And there would be no straying.  

It paid off.  I liked seeing the results and knowing I am doing the right thing.  I have no time to relax. If I relax, so will my choices.  I have to be on guard at all times.  I do have a real vacation planned in May.  That's about a month from now.  There is no time for a vacation if I want to be close to my happy number by then.

I may never be able to take a "vacation."  For some it's easy.  But for me, if I take a vacation I end up enjoying the "vacation" food too much rather than the sights.  I have to come realize it will be this way for the rest of my life.  There will be times I need to recharge.    

Spring has sprung and soon summer nights will be knocking at the door.  If there is a vacation planned in your future, don't make it a vacation from wise choices.  Still have fun, just responsibly.