My life changed...

Here's some Friday inspiration and thought! A co-worker sent this to me.  I am not sure where she found it.  

My life changed...

The day I decided to have a great attitude and work hard.

The day I quit waiting for validation from other people and realized I needed to provide it for myself, instead.

The day I quit waiting for people and opportunities to find me and sought them out with a will to win.

The day I quit believing that someone else could tell me the best way to "balance" my own family, work, and life obligations, because the only person on the planet who could do that was me.

The day I began to believe in myself.

The day I caught a glimpse of my potential and made the conscious decision to use it up as best as I could on this short adventure we call "life."

The day I decided to quit worrying about things uncertain. Preparing for things unnecessary. And fearing failure. And decided, instead, to embrace these things in all of their former unappreciated glory.

The day I decided to quit wishing and start "wandering"—through life. Into adventures, lessons, a crazy culmination of experiences, mistakes made, and a whole lot of fun, too.

The day I no longer allowed negative people to occupy valuable space in my mind, heart, or inner circle, and bid them farewell on my way out the door.

The day I quit questioning whether my spot in the parking lot of life was good enough. Or big enough. It was then. Still is now. I have the power to make that spot whatever I'd like it to be.

The day I decided to rise up to chase my passion, pay homage to my talents, and inspire others as much as I could on my journey. Because it's a short one, even when it's long.

The day I decided the ONLY person who could tell me what I couldn't do, or could do—was ME.

The day I decided to write this post to share it with the world, because I had something to say.

Because I didn't quit after all. The truth is, I hope I never quit. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

And I hope you don't either.

We've got a few more rounds to go—some of us in stilettos.

It is going to be epic.

A brand new world.......

Everyone likes something new.  Sparkly, pink, shiny things.  What girl doesn't??  Weight Watchers gives out charms for various milestones.  Shiny, silver charms.  Our leader has made earrings out of some of hers.  I have just about every charm so far with the exception of the 5k charm....notice I said so far.   Participating in a 5k is on my list of new things to try.  But the something new I want to talk about is things I have never done, longed to do, or have not done in a very long time.  Where shall I start?!

Kayaking! Unfortunately mother nature had other plans last weekend, but I will try it once we are assured the weather will cooperate.  Maybe a kayaking party for my birthday!  How cool would that be?!  Stand-up Paddle Board Yoga!  For that matter.....yoga.  I tried yoga for the first time earlier this year.  And not just ordinary yoga....but hot yoga!  Where the temperature of the room is at least 105 degrees.  What!  I actually liked it and the heat did not bother me at all.  Yes, I did sweat, but  did enjoy it.  So I have tried yoga more and more.  

If we want to start at the beginning of the brand new world, then we need to visit last year.  When I reached the 100 lb. lost mark, I bought new clothes.  Clothes the old me would never have worn. I cried in the dressing room because things fit!  Then my friends took me out for a a girls night.  A girls' night!  For the first time, a stranger told me I was a beautiful woman.  Granted it was the bartender probably trying to get a good tip, but nonetheless the comment made me feel special.  After that, I went back ALONE!  Yes, alone. And not just one time, but several times.    I have been out many times since that first night and to several different places.  And I like it!  I went country dancing and danced with a very handsome cowboy.  I kept telling him I had not danced two step but he taught me.  Sadly he rode off into he sunset with his wife but it was fun and new.  

Dating....it's new to me!  I have been on more dates in the last year than ever before.  Take note I left out whether they were good or bad.......that's another story or blog!  They were certainly interesting and I have learned something new every time. I think some of my married friends are a little envious because as they say, I am doing what we should be doing in our 40s....having fun.  Maybe so, but I am starting from scratch.  It has been a fun, albeit frustrating at times, experience.  I see a lot more dating in the future.  

I have tried new foods.  I tried raw kale and like it.  I now include it in my salads.  I like to eat edamame.  Although this food is a bit high in sugar for me, I ate a raw date and it rates up there with chocolate.  I eat cucumber, even put it in my water.   A vegetable I did not eat before.  I have yet to try jicama.  I suppose I should try it......many ladies in my Weight Watcher group swear by it.  I tried a turkey burger and have given up red meat.  Oh, and I now drink coffee!  My nose wrinkled up at the thought of coffee in the past.  I met a girlfriend for coffee and I decided to have a cup.  One cup and I was hooked.  What was I missing?!  But I will say I am not addicted to it.  Yet.  

Most importantly, I am becoming a new person.  My attitude has changed.  I am learning to not let people control me or guilt me into doing or not doing something I really want to do. No longer is the weight shielding me from trying new things.  Oh I completely forgot about an important new thing.  I bought my first 2 pc swimsuit EVER!  There is no stopping me from trying so many new things.  So what new thing are you going to try?!  

You choose the next post.......all about food or changes after the weight is lost?  Leave a comment with your choice.  Follow me so you'll never miss a post.  I welcome your friend requests and instagram following!  

Christina

"Be kind o one another."

Mirror Mirror On The Wall……..

Mirrors are a powerful thing! Sometimes for the good and other times for the bad. I stood in a dressing room over the weekend smiling at myself. I tried on a pair of pants and a top and as I looked in the mirror I thought to myself, “I look so skinny.” It was a wonderful feeling! There was a time when I dreaded the mirror. What am I saying?! There still ARE times I dread looking in the mirror. 

 Body image. Self-image. Words that can prompt negative feelings sometimes just as cruel words can do the same. It was not until I lost 100+, maybe more, that I realized I needed to work on accepting how my body looked. I needed to work on my self-image. Once dressed and ready for the day, when I looked in a mirror, I was able to smile. I was able to see the pretty woman who had been weighted down (no pun intended) with all those pounds and the heavy security blanket. But once I was undressed and headed for the shower, I saw a completely different person. 

 I saw a body with the left overs of losing such a large amount of weight. And as much as I hate to see that person in the mirror – the one without any clothes – I still stare at her. I will stand sideways to see how flat my stomach looks – much flatter than a year ago. The batwings underneath my arms are there and as ever prominent. These are war injuries, if you will, but also reminders of what I have done. The weight I have lost without any fad diets (the grapefruit before noon, the eat just meat, or a Subway sandwich every day), pills, or surgery. Don’t think at one time I pondered the option of surgery. Would any man be attracted to this body?

 Learning to like the new and ever improving me has been a challenge. A challenge because I do not see what others see…..yet. I have a good friend who offered up this advice……”You should realize that there have been people that have seen you at any size any time, who probably said ‘Dang she’s hot!” He continued to say that no doubt would I get more attention as I lost weight. I do not know about that…..I still shield myself quite a bit. 

 What he said next rang true and just recently have I realized how true it is. It took him a long time after he lost his weight to see himself as a smaller person. It was not until he flew somewhere and was able to fit better in the seat that he felt smaller. I realized just how much smaller I was when I sat in my hairstylist’s chair and had room on each side. It was when, for the first time I can remember, a man called me good looking or beautiful. Sure my friends consistently reminded me of how beautiful I am, but it meant just a little more coming from a stranger. 

 Loving the new me will be an ongoing project. When I am dreading looking in the mirror I MUST remember how far I’ve come and how much better I feel. I MUST know that I am smiling for the first time in years. This new me did not reveal herself without hard work and determination. That I can be proud of and with time I will look forward to loving the new me. After I lost 125 lbs., I put these positive Post-it notes on the mirror. 

 What do you see when you look in the mirror? What would your Post-it notes say to make you smile? Don’t forget to join me in this new chapter and fantastical journey! 

 Next post……..stepping outside the box! 

 Christina

Exchanges..............

            Have you thought of how many things you exchange?  We exchange clothing for a different size, appliances, shoes, and make up.  I thought of all the things I have exchanged in the last year and a half.  Some of them material and others non-material.  Even after losing 50, 75, or 100 lbs., I found it hard to try on smaller sizes.  So I would buy what I thought I would fit in only to have to take it back to the store and exchange it for a smaller size.  But now, after losing 165 lbs., I am exchanging one life for another one........a better, healthier, more exciting one!  I have ten more pounds before I reach goal and I am not sure what else I may have to exchange or for that matter return.  

These are just a few things I exchanged:

Getting breathless after taking a few steps

Fast food / junk food (hamburgers, pizza, candy, etc.)

Clothes that didn’t fit

Feeling uncomfortable in a chair with arms

Unhappy outlook on life….feeling of worthlessness/depression

Not being able to cross my legs

                Not able to see my feet in the shower

                Being afraid (or not able to) to sit down on the floor

               

        I exchanged these things for healthier food choices……more fruits and vegetables.  I am a connoisseur of salads and can’t get enough of them.  I now walk 2.5 miles 6 days a week and work with a trainer 1x a week.  And I’ll try kayaking this weekend…..something new and exciting!  I now have too many choices when it comes to clothes. I can now fit into just about anything.  I no longer fear chairs with arms.  Instead when I sit in one, there is actually room left over.  I can now cross my legs and feel womanly.  And when I look down in the shower, I can actually see my feet!  And the awesome pedicure I have done to treat myself for a job well done! And sitting down on the floor…..that’s where I got the idea for today’s post.  I sat down on the floor to put together something at work. 

       

        Next week I’ll talk all the new, never before things I have done! Spoiler……it includes my first bathing suit in 20+ years!!  Remember don’t forget to follow me on this exciting journey!

Christina

“Be kind to one another.”

Just here to tell a story............

Next month I will turn 44 and will celebrate big.   This year I will be 165 lbs. lighter on my birthday.  Something I never dreamed would ever happen.  A year or so ago I had a two year plan.  The two year plan was to be a healthy weight by the time I turned 45.  As I said that, I thought that was a reasonable goal.  It was far enough away that I just might muster up the courage to lose something. Far enough away to think about it later….after all tomorrow is another day.  Little did I know the divine intervention that was headed my way. 

For almost twenty years, my weight was both a shield yet at the same time the problem.  My weight shielded me from getting involved with activities and meeting new people.  By staying home and not getting out and doing things, my weight shielded me from any comments, snickers, or rejection.   My weight shielded me from the rejection of men.  When I had a stressful day, I would look forward to getting a pizza or hamburger on my way home.  Food became a security blanket.  It was always there for me.  Food never criticized me or rejected me. 

In 2013 I started Weight Watchers and told myself I was committed this time.  By year’s end I had lost almost 20 lbs.  I ushered 2014 in with low back pain.   Despite the frequency of my cheat days and lack of exercise I was still losing.  Then one morning in March I woke up with extreme pain.  Dreading sitting in the ER waiting room, I went any way.  I was in worse condition than I thought.  My blood pressure was 200 and that was not the only thing.  I was whisked back to an exam room where I was promptly informed by the ER doctor I had diabetes.  Diabetes?  No, not me.  My stay in the hospital lasted 6 days.  If I had not gone to the ER when I did, I possibly been unresponsive.  My blood sugars were an astounding 534. 

Fast forward to today.  I decided to kick some butt and show diabetes the door.  I said good bye to all fast food, all sugary foods, sodas, etc. I was playing a new ball game and it had different rules.  After a month, I no longer craved a pizza from Papa Johns. I no longer craved a hamburger or super-sized fries.  I have not had ice cream in over a year.  I have faithfully attended every Weight Watcher meeting and only dreaded the scale a handful of times.  So a friend I got to know from the Weight Watchers group suggested I start a blog.  I hope you stick around for a while because as we all know….it’s not a diet but a new lifestyle. 

Christina