New Year...........fresh starts

"Fresh starts.  Thanks to the calendar, they happen ever year.  Just set your watch to January.  Put your past behind you and start over."  

How was the survival of the Christmas holidays?  One more holiday to go.  Resolutions being written?  Are there changes?  Or maybe the week was bad and you wished to Undo It!  Or maybe undo the last few months or this past year.    

I am starting maintenance week 3.  I finished week 2 on a happy note. Happy to report I lost the gain from celebration week. No more peanuts, cookies or crackers.  All the cookies got delivered on Christmas Eve (see photos below).  Back on plan and increased my activity.  It felt so good to go back to eating what I normally eat.  An apple has never tasted so good.  Thank goodness!   Just 4 more to go.

There were several moments (sometimes days or weeks) I wish I could undo.  Sometimes not even food related.  The moments I took a step outside my comfort zone and made a complete fool of myself.  Knowing it's better to leave well enough alone. There'll be more I'm sure, but I will learn to pick and choose.

With regard to those things food related, even during this journey, I wish I could undo times I ate too much (the apps that added on) or drank too much.  The times when, instead of an activity to feel better, I ate to have the feeling of inadequacy go away.  I wish I could undo the last 5-6 years.  But, if I look at it another way, it's all part of the journey. Part of the exploration of one's self.  For those 5-6  years brought me to this place and started this journey.

So a new year begins this week! I am excited about starting 2016. I believe it will be the best year yet for us!  My resolutions will change and for the first time in a few years, it will not have "lose weight" on it.  It will not have "start walking" on it.  The box I built around myself is no longer.........although the barbwire fence around my heart is still there.  Only certain people are allowed beyond the fence.  It will take a strong (and special) person to tear away the fence.

A good friend of mine gave me a glass box for Christmas to put all my wishes and dreams in.  I will write them down on pieces of paper and tuck them safely in the box.  One wish will be missing (one that came true)....the one wish that I could/would lose weight.  Maybe I need to include it and instead of "wish" on the piece of paper, put "came true."

My other friend gave me a packet of different color fit bit bands so I can walk in style with a different color every day!  So I am safe while walking early in the morning (or as one friend puts it, "in the middle of the night"), my walking buddy and BFF gave me some pepper spray.........and yes it's in a pink holder!

A new year.  It means so many things.  I will try to put the past behind me......although sometimes it's easier said than done.  Fresh start.  We all need a fresh start.  Maybe you look at the new Weight Watchers program with new eyes and new perspective.  Look at it with fresh eyes as if you were a new member.

What does a new year for me mean? It means expanding my comfort zone, living a little more, always learning how to live a healthy lifestyle and improve on myself.  To make sure that I know whatever I will want to undo is just part of life.  If we never wanted to undo things, then how boring would life be!  It means becoming a Weight Watchers lifetime member and being very proud of my accomplishment.  This one huge accomplishment.

Okay, so some of you may be asking what I have on my "resolution" list.  Alright, I'll give you a glimpse.  These are just a few.......this blog is already longer than I anticipated.

1.  Start running
2.  Run/walk 5K and marathons
3.  Perfect my yoga practice
4.  Take more time for me
5.  Learn to love the new me.

When you sit down to write those resolutions, maybe don't include "continue to lose weight," but something like "continue living a healthier lifestyle."  It's a fresh start.  Beginning on Friday, we have 365 days to look forward to.  When I started this post I initially thought about the moments I wish I could undo.  Then I started writing and it went in another direction.  I will remember when there are moments I wish I could undo, it's all part of living and exploring this new life of mine.

Happy New Year!  2016  will be the best year yet!

What do they have that I don't? More importantly...Do I have what it takes?

"We all think we are going to be great.  And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.  But sometimes, our expectations sell us short.  Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.......you gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations.  Because the expected is just what keeps us steady...standing.......still.  The unexpected is just the beginning. The unexpected....is what changes our lives."

No video this time.  I am still trying it out.  But I needed to vent just a little and I didn't want to do it on the video.

So.......here I am once again.......standing at the doorstep of maintenance. And for some reason, I am wondering if I am ready (or want) to walk through.  After this last week, I would have said no.  Last week, first week on maintenance, was an epic fail.  I gained so much even the weigh in person was shocked.  I know what happened.  Would you like to know?  It started with celebration at one of my favorite wine bars.  There was a happy hour.....which I happily enjoyed.  The celebration lasted all week! I think my body revolted against all the weird food I was eating.  Weird to my body since I don't normally eat those things.

I am ready to get back on the train and get it moving.  Last week was a wake up call that I can no longer eat like that.  Do I have what it takes?  A thought crossed my mind.........you known when you are losing the weight, the wishes are for the number to go down.  Once on maintenance, thew wish is for the number to stay steady or if HAS to yo yo, then only do it a little.

Do I have what it takes?  Some of you would say, "Yes, duh!"  And I would tend to agree.....I had what it took to lose almost 203 lbs.  I had what it took to step on the scale week after week,  But, this is a different ball game.  Diabetes is under control.....milligram dosage in pill I take was decreased. And, yes, I had what it took to get me to this point  But at this point in the ball game, it takes something different to not get a strike. 

Getting to goal is just a small piece of the puzzle.  I am still learning to be the [new] me.  And here is where I need to vent.  [I know I tossed this subject in the dumpster, but I need to resurrect it just for a brief moment]  Maybe my hormones are on overload this week.  I realize there is no right or wrong answer, but I would like to know what the hell I am missing?  I am tired of getting passed up because of the age thing, looks, or lack of chemistry.  So I have no control over the age thing {but that's going to be a deal breaker....really?!} And don't you have to talk to see if chemistry is there?!   I have bras from the famous bra store to make my chest appear larger. I could lose another 60 lbs and that one thing would STILL be missing.   So......whatever chance there was, is gone.  If it's not realized I am a catch and someone to be chased instead of get away, then why waste my energy?  I'm not the stupid one!  Whew!  Okay, I think I am done.  Glittery things, glittery things.  

Although the prior me was banished to the land of no return, she resurfaces without my knowledge occasionally.  This is a story/journey that has no end.  But, here's a glittery thought.  I am starting the new year 203 lbs lighter.  I am starting the new year on my way to lifetime.  I am starting the new year with two of the most awesome friends ever!  I learn something from them every day.  And we tend to lean on each other.  We have things planned.............road trip to Austin.  Never been on a road trip.  Learning how to two step.  And yes.......we will try speed dating/mixers........purely for the entertainment.  

What do they have that I don't?  Not sure, but who knows?! Someone could ask themselves the same question.  Two years ago, I knew how to answer.  I didn't have the will power, the perseverance, or the competitive attitude I do now.  I didn't have the "want to" to lose 203 lbs.  Do I have what it takes?  To make it through goal.  I would hope so.  Do I have what it takes to let go of the past? Maybe.  It'll take time.  It's more psychological for me at this point.  I've done the weight loss.  Now, it's psych time to learn to maintain it.  A friend of mine asked me if it was possible that it's the anxiety of going through maintenance and finally reaching the goal.  Absolutely!  This might sound depressing, but you can't wait to get to the goal you set for yourself.  For me, reaching this last goal and losing 203 lbs, was like coming to the edge of a cliff.  I did it!  I climbed that mountain.  Uh oh! How do I make it back down to earth?  Or do I spread my arms and fly.  Sure it's anxiety.  

"It's one of those things people say: you can't move on until you've let go of the past.  Letting go is the easy part.  It's the moving on that's painful.  So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same.  Things can't stay the same though.  At some point, you just have to let go, move on.  Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow."

You may ask yourself do you have what it takes?  You bet!  You have the knowledge, the will power and the vision of a healthier future.  You have what it takes to ring in the new year a little lighter, whole lot healthier, and happier.

Y'all have a very Merry Christmas and a fantastical New Year!

Change.......it comes whether we like or not. Embrace the change!

Change.....we don't like it, we fear it.  But we can't stop it from coming.  We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.  It hurts to grow.  Anybody who tells you it doesn't, is lying  But here's the truth: Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.  And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good.  Sometimes change is everything!

I have grown so much in the last several months.  And I will continue to grow and sometimes it may not be pretty!  Will I ever eat a fast food hamburger again?  Probably not.  Will I change what I eat for breakfast?  Maybe.  But those plain Cheerios are just that awesome!  What I will do is add things I want to do to my mental list which I probably should put on paper.  

Two hundred two pounds!  And six ounces........those ounces are important!  Weight I will NEVER see again.  I will continue to learn how to make that happen.  I'm sure it will include change.  

So here's a list of things I want to do:

Start running

Participate in a half marathon (will do in 2016)

Participate in a full marathon

Be in a 5K every month

Learn how to two step

Become serious about my yoga practice (haven't been lately.....sure they are missing me)

I am sure I will think of more things I want to do.  But for now, that's a start. 

Change.  Growth.  Change is feared and growth hurts.  But when change is embraced, no one is left behind.   And as for the growth (new or otherwise), it may only hurt for a moment.  As women we go through a lot more just to look pretty.  We can deal with a little change and growth!  As weight is lost, why not embrace (or adapt) to the new changes?!  Sometimes change is everything and can be oh so good!

Y'all have an amazing week.  Embrace the new changes in the new Smart Points program.  Maybe a new favorite food will be found.