What do they have that I don't? More importantly...Do I have what it takes?

"We all think we are going to be great.  And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.  But sometimes, our expectations sell us short.  Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.......you gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations.  Because the expected is just what keeps us steady...standing.......still.  The unexpected is just the beginning. The unexpected....is what changes our lives."

No video this time.  I am still trying it out.  But I needed to vent just a little and I didn't want to do it on the video.

So.......here I am once again.......standing at the doorstep of maintenance. And for some reason, I am wondering if I am ready (or want) to walk through.  After this last week, I would have said no.  Last week, first week on maintenance, was an epic fail.  I gained so much even the weigh in person was shocked.  I know what happened.  Would you like to know?  It started with celebration at one of my favorite wine bars.  There was a happy hour.....which I happily enjoyed.  The celebration lasted all week! I think my body revolted against all the weird food I was eating.  Weird to my body since I don't normally eat those things.

I am ready to get back on the train and get it moving.  Last week was a wake up call that I can no longer eat like that.  Do I have what it takes?  A thought crossed my mind.........you known when you are losing the weight, the wishes are for the number to go down.  Once on maintenance, thew wish is for the number to stay steady or if HAS to yo yo, then only do it a little.

Do I have what it takes?  Some of you would say, "Yes, duh!"  And I would tend to agree.....I had what it took to lose almost 203 lbs.  I had what it took to step on the scale week after week,  But, this is a different ball game.  Diabetes is under control.....milligram dosage in pill I take was decreased. And, yes, I had what it took to get me to this point  But at this point in the ball game, it takes something different to not get a strike. 

Getting to goal is just a small piece of the puzzle.  I am still learning to be the [new] me.  And here is where I need to vent.  [I know I tossed this subject in the dumpster, but I need to resurrect it just for a brief moment]  Maybe my hormones are on overload this week.  I realize there is no right or wrong answer, but I would like to know what the hell I am missing?  I am tired of getting passed up because of the age thing, looks, or lack of chemistry.  So I have no control over the age thing {but that's going to be a deal breaker....really?!} And don't you have to talk to see if chemistry is there?!   I have bras from the famous bra store to make my chest appear larger. I could lose another 60 lbs and that one thing would STILL be missing.   So......whatever chance there was, is gone.  If it's not realized I am a catch and someone to be chased instead of get away, then why waste my energy?  I'm not the stupid one!  Whew!  Okay, I think I am done.  Glittery things, glittery things.  

Although the prior me was banished to the land of no return, she resurfaces without my knowledge occasionally.  This is a story/journey that has no end.  But, here's a glittery thought.  I am starting the new year 203 lbs lighter.  I am starting the new year on my way to lifetime.  I am starting the new year with two of the most awesome friends ever!  I learn something from them every day.  And we tend to lean on each other.  We have things planned.............road trip to Austin.  Never been on a road trip.  Learning how to two step.  And yes.......we will try speed dating/mixers........purely for the entertainment.  

What do they have that I don't?  Not sure, but who knows?! Someone could ask themselves the same question.  Two years ago, I knew how to answer.  I didn't have the will power, the perseverance, or the competitive attitude I do now.  I didn't have the "want to" to lose 203 lbs.  Do I have what it takes?  To make it through goal.  I would hope so.  Do I have what it takes to let go of the past? Maybe.  It'll take time.  It's more psychological for me at this point.  I've done the weight loss.  Now, it's psych time to learn to maintain it.  A friend of mine asked me if it was possible that it's the anxiety of going through maintenance and finally reaching the goal.  Absolutely!  This might sound depressing, but you can't wait to get to the goal you set for yourself.  For me, reaching this last goal and losing 203 lbs, was like coming to the edge of a cliff.  I did it!  I climbed that mountain.  Uh oh! How do I make it back down to earth?  Or do I spread my arms and fly.  Sure it's anxiety.  

"It's one of those things people say: you can't move on until you've let go of the past.  Letting go is the easy part.  It's the moving on that's painful.  So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same.  Things can't stay the same though.  At some point, you just have to let go, move on.  Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow."

You may ask yourself do you have what it takes?  You bet!  You have the knowledge, the will power and the vision of a healthier future.  You have what it takes to ring in the new year a little lighter, whole lot healthier, and happier.

Y'all have a very Merry Christmas and a fantastical New Year!