A meet up with my younger self......

 "To your younger self....forgive her. To your current self....believe in her. To your future self....create her."

Apparently there is a trend going around where you post about meeting your younger self for coffee and having a conversation. So I got on the trend and this is how it went.  

After I finished a little over 3 miles (some of which I ran in the rain) on this early rainy Saturday, I sat down with my younger self for coffee. Well, she drank water, I had a limited edition Starbucks Brown Sugar Cinnamon coffee.  

She wrinkled her nose and asked me when I started drinking coffee. I smiled and remember the day I took a sip. I met a dear British friend for coffee at a local cafe. I didn't know what I would drink if I didn't have coffee. I told my younger self I decided it was time to grow up so I had a cup and have never looked back.  

As we sat, tears welled up in her eyes. She cried and told me she was tired of being overweight and feeling alone, isolated. She had yet to really date and go out and do things. I told her she has an aha moment and she loses over 200 pounds. She meets some really awesome people who become her closest friends.  Shaking her head as she doesn't believe me, she asks if her dream of being skinny came true. I smiled and said yes, but not without hard work and tough choices. I left out the hospital visit and the diabetes.  

I'm dressed in my yoga/running pants, hair up in a ponytail, Brooks and a short sleeve shirt.  She asked if I really enjoyed being active. I told her I did and I realized how capable I am of so many things. I told her she gets addicted to races, running, and yoga. Even joins a run club.  And so much more.  

I tell her she changes the way she eats, gives up diet drinks, ice cream and fast food. She commits herself to Weight Watchers for the last time and succeeds. She asks if it was hard. I tell her it was challenging at times, but it was something she had to do. I am honest and tell her there are some bumps and detours but she conquers them. She sits and listens. Listens to the stories I tell of finishing a half marathon, not once, but 3 times. Stories of letting go of how she thinks things should go and enjoy. Enjoy the organic development of it all.  

Before we get up and leave, I ask her for a favor. I tell her I'm doing something sort of big in a couple of weeks and could she be at the finish line. She might see some awesome people. She smiles and says she will. She then asks me what I thought about starting a blog. I suggest the name be something sparkly. She'll inspire many others.  

Did I mention the conversation was filled with Glitter all the weigh? 

You will.... again

 "You will be in the moment again. You will find yourself again. You will get into a routine again. You will believe in something bigger than yourself again. You will return because you're not going backwards, but softening inwards. You are bringing into expression the person who has always lived inside. You have not lost the hope within you, for it is the home that will always be your final destination."

Do we really want to talk about 2024? If we must, okay. It was a weird year but the situation(s) gave me time to take care of myself. I think I posted about my left hip surgery. After I recovered I thought things would get back to how they were. I was wrong. I just looked at the last time I blogged. August of 2024. Wow. There are many holes. It was decided that my right hip needed replacing as well. So, in September, I geared up for another surgery. This time, I knew what to expect with recovery.  I could extend the cliffs notes version, but there's not much excitement for the rest of the year.  

Well, except that recovery went well and by Thanksgiving I was walking again. No pain, no limping, no braces. My awesome coach increased my mileage by .25 miles every two weeks. By December I was walking 3 miles during the week and 4 on Saturday.  

I am finally headed toward the moment again. The one where I am doing what I enjoy. Have I found myself again? Not quite. But I am slowly returning to a routine again. And if I can toot my own horn, it feels fantastical.  

I told myself that I would start running again in January. Well, I followed through. I am still in a coral very far in the back, but I am in a much better place than I was the last time I crossed a start line. I am almost forced to enjoy this journey and the progression. I do not mind. I run and there is no pain. Even the arthritic knee holds off until I finish. I adore the friends who have encouraged me along the way. Watched me as I crawled out of a hole only to walk normal again.  They are almost as excited as I am or more watching my progress.  

I still giggle as I put on my socks and lace up my shoes. And I certainly giggle when I cross my legs. I hate to burst the bubble, but.....I still have those thoughts from time to time. I had one earlier this week. You would think after all this time I’d be an expert at how to handle them.

I am on the cusp of something big and I need to make these weeks count. I have no time for bumps. You’ll remind me that everyone has them. While this is true they have mastered the art of letting them roll off the back.

I almost want to chant “today is not that day.” I am excited about returning to my routines. I am excited about being active again. There’ll be a day when I wake up and those thoughts are kept at bay.

And I will run with glitter all the weigh…again.

Always Slide.....

 

It's been six months since my total left hip replacement.  It is amazing how pain free that side feels.  The implant has remained in place and not faltered.  At my doctor's appointment, we discussed having the right hip replaced and if it was time.  According to the orthopedic, it is time to have the right side worked on.  I never thought I would be excited about another surgery.  

The ebb and flows of my motivation have been somewhat constant.  I feel great when I lace up, get strapped in with my NoxGear vest and turn on the Garmin to run instead of run indoors.  I lock my knee in the hinge brace (fooling myself that THAT'LL alleviate any pain) and forge ahead.  I walk the waterway because I know where the benches are placed.  Nowadays I walk about a quarter mile then stop to rest.  I fool myself in thinking it is the Texas humidity and the fact I haven't worked on my endurance.  

I was able to finish a mile thanks to the encouraging words of friends.  And I have slowly built on that mile but haven't reached 2 miles yet.  I remind myself this time last year or the year before this wasn't possible.  Yes, there is still pain, but I deal with it.  

My mind paints a deceptive picture of the motivation I seem to have.  It goes up then comes down.  And my mind seems to trick me.  The last few days it is my thinking why try so hard when the walking RIGHT NOW is not getting easier or better.  I can forget about speed.  But because she is the best friend that she is, she sends me a text: "You do it for the same reason we train like we do in the summer.  So that when it is better, it's easier."

My coach then sends me a reel via Instagram.  And another facebook friend posted one of her famous PSAs.  (Where I got the post title from) I got it, they were all sending the same message.  One could argue I do not shy away from hard things.  While I may have proven I am capable of doing hard things, right now this seems to be the hardest.  But when the whistle blows early in the morning, it is easier to stay under the covers.  I am out of habit and all it takes is a few grunts and crawls out of bed to get back in.  

All this said, I do celebrate the small victories.  My right is not as severe as the left.  I am able to do squats without holding on to something for dear life.  And for the first time is almost 2 years - because of the plan for the right hip - I can actually think about races I want (and will) to do.  I can actually plan.  

I need to heed the message in front of me.  Work on it now so when the time comes, it'll be easier.  Figure out how to win now.  Give that 110% and always slide.  

You can bet I'll do it with Glitter all the Weigh!!  Remember - always slide. 

Anything Is possible

 "No matter what life dishes out to you, you can always put one foot in front of another and keep going.  You keep going and you cross the finish line." - Ironman finisher 

This week marked 3 months since I had a total hip replacement.  I have two  PT sessions left then I am on my own.  I've been told I am doing great it is all up to the mindset now.  My mind telling my body this is the way things will be done.  I am slowly returning to normal activities.  I continue to increase my walking and complete a mile.  It is still humbling to start again and retrain the mind and body, especially after the feats I have accomplished.   I suppose at one time I felt invincible.  I keep the faith and know God is watching and guiding me - correctly this time.  Not that he guided me down the wrong way before.  

So if you've read some of my other entries, you know that this time every year our somewhat small urban neighborhood hosts the GOAT of all triathlons.  Ironman Texas - the North American championship.  I knew I would be able to volunteer - to what extent I didn't know.  Because I enjoyed it so much last year I signed up for two shifts at the athlete check-in.  And to help our our local run club at their aid station on the run course.  One of those gave me a smidge of anxiety.  

The athletes did not disappoint at check-in.  I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with them while helping them register and give them their bibs.  There was a table with cow bells that celebrated every first timer.  I talked with an athlete who was of course nervous - and it was his first full (I think).  While chatting with him I joked and asked if he lost a bet.  He replied no, it was really him and a few friends drinking whiskey one night.  After a few glasses, they said "Let's do an an Ironman."  And here he was - a year later.   To some I am sure it sounded like a whirlwind decision at the time and now that they were getting their bibs, checking in their bikes, they probably weren't sure what they signed up for.  I had the pleasure of speaking to a man who was one of the friendliest athletes to stop at my table.  I asked if his wife would be watching and he said sure.  He also had 3 small people as well - ended up being his young daughters.  Before he walked away, I handed him 3 pink swim caps.  His parting words were some of the nicest I've heard.  When I told him about the beach-like aid station he said he'd look for me.  

I had a day in between race day when I'd spend several hours on the run course.  I was anxious the night before.  Although I'm getting around better, I’m not 100% and I wasn’t sure how I would hold up.  But it all melted away when I showed up to the best Hawaiian aid station.   Wind was terrible whipping everything around.   I knew I needed to be there for the athlete I saw at check-in just a few days earlier.   He came running through our aid station right before 6:30. I took a picture of him. 

When I told a volunteer at check-in I was a “double shifter” as she called it, with a look of confusion she asked “Why?”  I told her why.  She found that I wanted to spend all day helping admirable.  I do this for motivation and inspiration.  

Similar to almost ten years ago, I feel this is a fresh start.  God sees what I want to do.  The goals I have.   I can start from where I am - not the spot I was in ten years ago.  I can train correctly, get stronger, and crush my goals.  Motivation and inspiration is at its finest at Ironman.   Congratulations to the athletes who took on this feat and finished!  I want to be like you one day.  

I’ll do it of course while running with glitter all the weigh! 

Christina 💗

"One day you will understand why things had to happen the way that they did."

 Sometimes the journey is not straightforward. 

My weight loss journey certainly had its share of roadside stops and detours. But I eventually reached the destination.  I then continued to add running and challenging myself.  Although for the most of it I was blind to an issue that would eventually sideline me. 

Two months have passed since my hip surgery.  I don’t remember anything that day past being rolled out of preop.  I think I saw the OR but that was it. Next thing I know I woke up in recovery.  The real work was about to begin.   My coach came and was allowed to see me in recovery.  She's been one of my constants through the challenges the least two years.  

For the last year (maybe two), walking was uncomfortable.  My gait was not right.  It became uncomfortable to walk or run.  The last race I did was a 5k in January of 2023 and the last time I was able to do miles was sometime in February, maybe March.  And even then it was uncomfortable. I also became self-conscious about how I looked walking.  

After consulting an orthopedic, I decided to get a total hip replacement.  It would be my first ever major surgery.  Was I apprehensive?  Yes.  The information I read about preparing for surgery and recovery seemed overwhelming.  

But I was told a hip replacement was the only option if I wanted to return to pain free daily activity - and maybe one day running.  The conservative exercises and stretches would not remedy the situation.  

During the six week "precautions," I was frustrated that I couldn't bend over.  There is still some uncomfortableness feeling from time to time, however the pain vanished around week 2.  The pain from the knee and IT band (and any other muscle) on the left side is almost non-existent.  

So, here we are.  Physical therapy has been a constant for the last two months. After the initial six weeks, it was suggested to extend therapy to work on endurance, stretching and neuromuscular.  I did squats for the first time in no telling how long.  The workouts consisted of strength work and mobility.  The leg presses seemed easy compared to what I had worked on prior to surgery.  I worked on a "hip deck" machine and increased the weight to sixty pounds on my last workout.  These last few weeks, I've worked on the neuromuscular part to train my brain to walk the right way again.  

My last post op visit to the doctor was several weeks ago.  Everything looked good I was told.  I do have a scar but I can't really see it, although I feel it.  On the six month mark, I'll get x-rays.  I saw the x-rays taken during surgery.  They're cool! 

I am excited about returning to what I enjoy doing and what I was doing before.  And feeling like the person I was before this all began. Although I was told this is the new me. The last time I enjoyed it without pain was probably 2021.  I have missed our trails, getting miles done, and just being able to move.  My coach once told me I have more want to than anyone she knows.  Earlier this month I decided it was time I started walking again.  Slowly of course.  Although part of me is still self conscious.  But I get out and walk nonetheless.  I dealt with this pain and awkwardness for more than a year.  It takes time to get back to normal.  I hoped to be walking fast or slow running by end of the year, but it may be next year before I am fully ready to go for speed.  

I still have plans and can't wait to see them through.  The year 2026 will be a special one to me, but more on that later.  

God never gives us more than we can handle - although I know we sometimes question.  He wants us to achieve our goals and dreams.  He knows what I want to do.  So if that one day is not immediate, I know it’s only temporary.  Will it be when I step on the pavement for a walk without pain?  Maybe it'll be when I cross my first finish line in over a year.  

Whenever it might be, it'll be covered in Glitter all the Weigh! 

Feel free to follow me on the Insta! 

Christina 

God is figuring it out….

 

Trying to figure it out alone doesn't help.  God has already figured it out and He's asking you to trust him.  In 2023, things didn't go according to my plan.  It was supposed to be the year I finally caught up to the person who had awesome paces.  Who overcame challenges and obstacles that hindered her path.   Except I stopped chasing her.  Instead she was found only in pictures of the proud accomplishments.  

The year became one of twists and turns - and not in a good way.  The fall I took in 2022 hung around.  My last chance to get miles in was early in 2023 and after that it became uncomfortable.  Trusting what the sports therapists and trainers thought I continued to strengthen my muscles - thinking they were weak.  But after a visit to the doctor, it was determined I had arthritis in my low back.  However, trusting the therapists again, I was encouraged that it would be manageable.  

My walking /running slowed and eventually stopped.  It didn't mean I wasn't moving.  One of the twists involved lending the movement of my legs to someone who was immobile.  He didn't like it but that was the card he had been dealt.  Pushing the wheelchair was a workout of its own.  There were days my back revolted.  I was thankful for my upper body strength.  Crossing finish lines took a back seat.  But it didn't stop me from showing up and cheering other runners on.  And if truth be known, I was a little envious I was not able to be running along side them.  I somehow had been called elsewhere where I was needed.  

The wheelchair was no longer being pushed.  And although he tried his hardest at trying to walk again, it was not going to happen.  In the last few months of 2023,  I relied on my strengthening workouts with my ever positive trainer.  Instead of pushing the wheelchair I sat by his bedside and watched him lose all movement.  At the same time, being grateful of the movement I still have.  My legs were not getting in miles as before, but they still carried me.  And although my body felt tired at times, I kept moving.  His tired body eventually surrendered and let go.  Even if I wanted to get miles in, the mourning and grief I experienced took over.

It wasn't until October that I stumbled upon another bump.  Arthritic hips.  The doctor was surprised I accomplished what I had with the arthritis in my hips.  I started to wonder if this is what I left it.  If it was, then I was proud of what I accomplished. The numerous finish lines I crossed. Finishing a 3rd half marathon.  My first triathlon.  Maybe the bucket list in my mind was not approved by my body.  I would have to learn to be okay with that.  But....I decided (only so I could walk normally and get back to pain free normal living) to get hip surgery. 

So enter the new year.  I scheduled the hip surgery for later January.  I started Googling articles on returning to power walking/running after a hip replacement and have been encouraged with the results.  Does that mean I can maybe pick up where I left off on my list of goals?  Possibly.  I am not opposed to amending my goal list, for that matter, my bucket list.  So maybe a full marathon is not in the cards.  I am content with finishing a half for the 4th, 5th, and 6th time.  Would I like to finish another triathlon?  Absolutely.  Does it mean crossing off running down the red carpet finish line after tackling 140 miles of sweat? Maybe.  

I am hoping 2024 will be somewhat flat like The Woodlands Marathon course, with maybe a hill or two.  I plan on making myself a priority.  Ten years ago I had an a-ha moment.  God walked through that storm with me.  I know He is with me for this one - because he knows I am STILL not done.  There's a big celebration coming in 2025 - or 2026.  I can't remember.  That's for another blog.  

Because today is not that day!  It helps that it's covered in glitter all the weigh.   Happy New Year! 

The taken path

 "For every path you choose, there is another you must abandon...usually forever."

It's funny how certain events are guideposts along one's path.  We may think WE choose the path we are on but the PATH may have chosen us.  I started out on one path and have ended up on a totally different one.  But I believe all the smaller ones (perhaps small detours) taken were small guideposts to direct me to the more important path.  

Timing. I’ve had difficulty understanding that concept in the past.  Whatever I’m anxious to happen is not on my time but God’s.  Maybe there’s something to timing and these paths taken.  Similar to certain people showing up in our lives for a specific time.  

When I changed the way I eat I knew I must leave the old me behind. When I started losing weight I showed the other me the door.  She’s made an appearance now and again.  

The road to the finish line is filled with struggle, doubt, progression and uncertainty. At the same time it’s a reminder we decided to take this path.  My list of 23 things in 2023 has been off to a slow start.  

From my first 5k to triathlon, I made the running/racing path my home.  I thought this is where I’m to be.  The path has been lined with awesome motivators and encouragers.  But recently I took a detour.  Or I was silently persuaded or directed to this detour.  

People say it’s when you are unable to do something, that’s when you want it the most.  So I put aside my racing bibs for awhile.  But while doing that I still wanted to stay on that path. Running.  So I decided to volunteer when I can. It won’t be forever.  Maybe the volunteering chose me.  To show me that among the self doubt and uncertainty there is a community of runners who anxiously await for me to be back on the pavement. I’ve been at the finish line to give them their medal “with all my heart” as my friend put it. 

It is often repeatedly suggested to listen to the body.  Well I guess I didn’t do a good job recently.   So the body chose for me. Too many ungraceful stumbles?  Maybe.  Being too hard on myself.  Possibility.   

Maybe, just maybe everything that is happening is to prepare for a greater path.  I found out something this week that was not what expected. I had a moment, maybe two, and hoisted myself off the couch and dusted myself off.  I declared to a few friends I intend to fight.  You WILL see me at the start line and finish line in 2024.

It will be paved with glitter all the way! 

Christina