We assume the really serious changes in our lives happen slowly; over time. That's not always true. The big stuff happens in an instant. Becoming an adult, a parent, spouse; one minute you're not and the next you are. Sometimes you don't even know any thing's changed. You think, you're still you and your life is still your life. But you wake up one day and look around and you don't recognize anything; not anything at all.
Do you remember when you became a parent? A spouse? An adult? You're thinking nothing is going to change; but then BAM! You're out in the world....grown up. You're responsible for another human. Or you are now formally (and legally) part of a "we." Sure, there was planning, but the changes were almost instant. Yes, weight loss happens over time and there is planning and concentration; then all of a sudden the image in the mirror is not the same as before.
I went to my cousin's baby shower over the weekend. I walked in the house and both cousins and my aunt didn't recognize me. They had only looked at pictures. I wanted to tell them most days I don't recognize me! I am once again at the doorstep of an amazing accomplishment. Will I make this my last stop before maintenance? Most likely. Some time ago, I remarked to a former co-worker I had a plan. By the time I turned 45 I wanted to be at a healthy weight (or a weight I was happy with). By the time maintenance and lifetime roll around, I will be ahead of schedule. And while it has taken time to lose the weight, some of the changes seem to be instantaneous. I have learned important things along the way; it is important to be aware of the portion sizes of the food, measure just about everything, and track/journal everything. Make sure you get in activity because that is important.
Last week I woke up one day and found that my stomach was just a little bit flatter. And I felt different. A good different but different just the same. This experience.....or journey.....has been a whirlwind of physical and psychological complexities. My smile can be beaming but these last few months of this significant weight loss has been more involved (and I suppose complex) than just a before and after picture. I sometimes look in the mirror and don't know the person staring back at me. I mean, who is this person that walks close to 12 miles every day? I know when the trigger was pulled and what caused it. And I can't go back. I don't want to go back.
I got dressed the other day and the 36C bra I hooked into place wasn't feeling tight. Should it? I put on my pants and realized they were size 14. When did that happen? I am having a problem right now trying to catch up to this new me. I have counted, measured, listened, and tracked for the last (almost) 2 years. And all of a sudden I see a totally different person in the mirror. When did all of this happen? Who is this person? This person who chose positivity over toxicity.
I tried on the rings that take up residence in my makeshift jewelry box. I felt like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Slipped one on the ring finger....too big. Slipped one on the middle finger........still too big. Even the costume looking rings are no match for my small fingers. At the shower, my cousin told me I looked like my mother. My uncle first said my grandmother, then the other grandmother. Do I? Look like those people? Although a nice compliment, I just want to look like myself. Whatever that may look like. And right now, I don't even recognize whoever I am to look like.
There are times I get confused as to who's who. Times when I question certain things. One minute Persephone is running the show, the next the insecure me cuts in. Just proves I am very much still in the exploratory phase. It's those moments I have to stop and ask who's on first. And why is this happening? What does she have that I don't? What if I am in those statistics that never find what I think I want? Thank goodness for the friends that constantly remind me of how amazing I am and how worthy I am of something better than what I think of myself. A New York Times best selling author Geneen Roth had this to say; "It's a fantasy, that when we lose weight, everything wrong in our lives is going to be right - that means our relationships are going to be right, we're going to feel completely differently about ourselves. People are shocked to find out that this thing that they've been longing for and waiting for, working for is not what they thought it was."
There are those who are looking for someone who is going through this with them. Rest assured I am going through this with you. I have been. I struggle with making sure I track every day, the temptations around me, and should I or shouldn't I eat that. I am here to show you what the psychological part looks like. Because one day, you are going to wake up after your amazing weight loss (whether it be 15, 25, 30, 50 or more pounds) and ask yourself, "When did this happen? And who are you?"
Last week I woke up one day and found that my stomach was just a little bit flatter. And I felt different. A good different but different just the same. This experience.....or journey.....has been a whirlwind of physical and psychological complexities. My smile can be beaming but these last few months of this significant weight loss has been more involved (and I suppose complex) than just a before and after picture. I sometimes look in the mirror and don't know the person staring back at me. I mean, who is this person that walks close to 12 miles every day? I know when the trigger was pulled and what caused it. And I can't go back. I don't want to go back.
I got dressed the other day and the 36C bra I hooked into place wasn't feeling tight. Should it? I put on my pants and realized they were size 14. When did that happen? I am having a problem right now trying to catch up to this new me. I have counted, measured, listened, and tracked for the last (almost) 2 years. And all of a sudden I see a totally different person in the mirror. When did all of this happen? Who is this person? This person who chose positivity over toxicity.
I tried on the rings that take up residence in my makeshift jewelry box. I felt like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Slipped one on the ring finger....too big. Slipped one on the middle finger........still too big. Even the costume looking rings are no match for my small fingers. At the shower, my cousin told me I looked like my mother. My uncle first said my grandmother, then the other grandmother. Do I? Look like those people? Although a nice compliment, I just want to look like myself. Whatever that may look like. And right now, I don't even recognize whoever I am to look like.
There are times I get confused as to who's who. Times when I question certain things. One minute Persephone is running the show, the next the insecure me cuts in. Just proves I am very much still in the exploratory phase. It's those moments I have to stop and ask who's on first. And why is this happening? What does she have that I don't? What if I am in those statistics that never find what I think I want? Thank goodness for the friends that constantly remind me of how amazing I am and how worthy I am of something better than what I think of myself. A New York Times best selling author Geneen Roth had this to say; "It's a fantasy, that when we lose weight, everything wrong in our lives is going to be right - that means our relationships are going to be right, we're going to feel completely differently about ourselves. People are shocked to find out that this thing that they've been longing for and waiting for, working for is not what they thought it was."
There are those who are looking for someone who is going through this with them. Rest assured I am going through this with you. I have been. I struggle with making sure I track every day, the temptations around me, and should I or shouldn't I eat that. I am here to show you what the psychological part looks like. Because one day, you are going to wake up after your amazing weight loss (whether it be 15, 25, 30, 50 or more pounds) and ask yourself, "When did this happen? And who are you?"
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