What to do with an unwanted visitor......

They show up at the most inopportune times......without warning.  And they can stay for hours, days, weeks.....even months or years.  We want them to leave but how do we tell them.  When these unwanted visitors finally DO leave, we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.

I have to admit this transformations sucks at times.  The "after" is not what I thought it would be.  I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle.  After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle.  I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc.  I found that I liked walking and other activities.  I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga.  I conquered climbing half of a rock wall.  I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.

Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people.  A friend of mine put it this way:

"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."

I didn't quite know what road to take after losing those 200 lbs.  What journey do I take now?  I came and conquered.  I saw the sights, rode the rides.   I sent the former "fat" me on her way.  Dubbed her the "ex." Little did I know she'd do everything she could to weasel her way back in my life.  

It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable.  Which I did.  She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD!  Ugh!  I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking.  Just hiding in a corner.  

This unwanted visitor was successful in making herself at home just recently.  I haven't figured out what makes her decide to come back.  I was out earlier this week bowling with some friends.  Someone had a pan of pizza - looked like a quadruple meat variety.  I reached over and took a slice, knowing full well that wasn't a healthy choice.  The "ex" was telling me to go ahead and have one more slice, heck have 2 more slices.  I felt her smiling as I picked up the third slice.  Why not?  After all, I was being whispered things that I had heard years before.  

She settles in and is ready to whisper those things I have tried so hard to forget.  Like when I don't get the interview....she's there to whisper I'm not good enough.  Or when the guy I have my eye on doesn't know I'm alive she whispers it's because I'm still not small enough.  I want to scream and ask her "Where the hell did you come from?"  So how do I get rid the unwanted visitor?

It's a hard task.   A task that may not ever be completed.  Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again.  And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts.  It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.

I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status.  I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks.  I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there.  I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.

I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back.  Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away.  Y'all have a great weekend ahead!

Christina

Some things never change

I am getting back on track.........started getting back into routine with activity last week.  Numbers are going down.......soon I'll be at goal or what is known as "pre-boyfriend weight."  

On one of my walks, or maybe in the shower, I started mentally writing down notes about my next blog topic.  What got me thinking was a beach party I went to last weekend.  It's a big disappointment when the vision you have of a job, date, event, weigh in day, doesn't go the way you thought it would in your head.  So I had envisioned this beach party happening a way in my head. There was lots of drinking; and I don't mean water or ICE carbonated fruit beverages.  I felt so out of place for several reasons.  

After I lost the first 100 lbs., and I was going to Happy Hours and nights out, I had wine, liquor, and those fruity tinis.  And as I have told you, I realized that has never been me.  I was never a drinker before I got sick so why should that change.  Okay, so I will have a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend or two, but not every night or weekend.  And yes, on occasion, I have been known to drink some beer.....rare occasion.  

I realized that was one thing that I did not want to change from the person I used to be.  Why must I change myself completely just because I lost 200 lbs.?  The physical journey is hard enough that when changes to a personality are thrown in, sometimes it's too much.  Doors can be shut on "exes" and they can be kicked out, but they remain the same.

Once I reached my final goal weight, I was pretty sure I had this.  Sure,  I would be able to handle anything thrown at me......well within reason.   I have always been a little shy.  One might go as far to say I am like an onion (yellow sweet) in that I have many layers.  But I realized I can't get comfortable.  Tests are all around me.  Like on those wonderful date nights when I gave in and had a shake from Sonic and a blizzard fro DQ.   I thought I had written off ice cream because as you know I hadn't had it in over two years.    I was out of my element and when you think a craving is gone, it really is just buried in the back of your mind.  I had done well to suppress all those cravings....hamburgers. pizzas, ice cream.   But at that moment, it was like old times.  I had the chocolate shake from Sonic and another time a peanut butter blizzard from DQ.   Whatever I thought had changed, really hadn't.

I lost 202 lbs. and while my outward appearance changed, some aspects of the real me did not.  I thought because I was this new and improved me, that meant new habits.   Okay, maybe some new habits.....healthy, fun habits.  For example, if I wasn't much of a drinker before, why did I think I needed to become one after losing a whole person?

Yes, I am a different person after losing 202 lbs.   This person now does not eat fast food, she makes exercising a priority (2x a day sometimes 3), her beverage of choice is water, and most of all she enjoys the benefits of shopping for smaller clothes.  But  there are some points on my foundation that haven't changed.

When we lose weight, we are changing ourselves.  Our minds and bodies.  Change the way it thinks, choices we make.  But does it have to change completely?  Even more now, I am aware of what the wrong choices can do/ mess up.  I am aware that 3 glasses of wine may not be the BEST option.  As we change, the more the things stay the same.

Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and get email alerts about new posts.  And check out my newest blog.....Dating and Afraid.  

Be kind to one another.

Unlike in dating, you have to work at it for it to happen

Good morning wet Weight Watcher people (and my other friends)!  I hope most of you are dry and safe.  Those that aren't, you'll be in my prayers.  Just pray y'all have healthy good snacks in the house.  I'm ready for some sunshine.  

Thought I would do a similar post as I will in my dating blog, Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  I had a friend tell me that if you have to work at getting someone to notice you, then it's not meant to be.  She has a point, although I don't like to hear it because apparently it's not meant to be for me so many times.  

But it's different when you're losing weight.  It WILL happen if you work at it.  Work is needed to be successful at losing weight and the relationship with one's self.  

During my first phase, I worked so hard for the weight to come off.  After I lost about 50 lbs I realized it could happen if I ate right, exercised, and just followed the program.

Have you ever associated losing weight with dating and getting comfortable with someone?  Yes, you have to eat right (which includes healthy foods, portions, and nutrition) and exercise for it to happen. In order for you to get results.  In the beginning it's new and exciting.  Eating the right, healthier foods, giving up those things that are toxic, and exercising helps you lose weight.  Happiness sets in and maybe some giddiness.  The weight comes off.

But then being comfortable with the program as well as the weight that has come off follows.  The newness may have worn off.  The program is part of the new lifestyle and it's here for the long haul. So the excitement of eating those healthy foods and doing activity decreases.  It's no longer "Can't wait to get out there and ride the bike," but "Well, it'll be there tomorrow."   The newness of losing weight must never decrease.  Working at it has to happen for it to work.

I'm guilty of this......several times over.  I became comfortable with the program, losing weight week after week, exercising nearly 7 days a week.  The newness had worn off.  I was no longer working at making it happen.  And what happened?  Weight went back on.  So I have to get back to working at it and think of it as new again.  The newness of the program, finding exercising exciting again.

I do have barricades in the way which will make working at making this new again somewhat challenging.  But wanting it bad enough, I will work at it because I want to save this new me.  I want to save this new found transformation.

So you might find yourself getting comfortable with losing weight and the program.  And to a point you need to be comfortable but not so much that you don't continue working at it.

Prayers go out to those suffering from the floods.  Y'all stay safe and hopefully dry.

Christina

Once was lost but now found

So this 100 mile journey that seems to be very popular with each of us is not without its detours.  I finished the 100 mile journey without turning around at mile 98.  During the journey I was able to pass up the sideline attractions......that is until I reached my final destination.  

Once I reached my final goal, I was ready to see the sights, those sideline attractions.  Or I thought I was.  I pictured them as those tempting booths at carnivals.  You know the ones....offering deep fried everything, the world's biggest turkey leg on a stick, or anything candied.  Then there the rides; the ones that go around and around or straight up and down.  They're not all that fun after eating carnival foods. 

I got lost checking out those sideline attractions and ignored reality for awhile.  Seeing the sights and attractions.  

Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I am what I call directionally challenged.  Just recently have I developed a great relationship with the Google map lady.  Unfortunately she can't help me find my way back to where I need to be.

Just in the last couple of weeks I found the main road again and got back on it.  I hopped on it just before Twoterville.  And if I'm not careful and focused, I will end up there again.   The first stop I planned for was a Weight Watcher meeting.  Thankfully it was on the main route so I didn't have to take a detour.

I know what to do in order not to get lost again.  But those side attractions sometimes get bigger and brighter.  In order to return to the main destination I need to maintain focus.  If that means stopping at every Weight Watcher meeting then that's what I will do.  I am not so far lost that the 202 lbs I have lost is not a testament to my diligence and persistence.

Getting back on the main road also means getting back to basics and have a talk with the ex....she tries for visitation.  When I started this journey I flew by the attractions and didn't think about seeing the sights.  So in order to stay on the main road I need to track everything I eat, which I haven't been doing.   I do okay with breakfast, but it's after morning tracking goes by the wayside.   Ugh!  It's hard. It's like life is saying "I was put on hold while you worked toward your goal.  I'm back and you've got to learn the balance."  Really?!  Why must I learn to balance!?  So this is what the fighter has plans to do.  Get back to goal then add life balance in.  I am in control of what I do.  So if going out is not the best healthiest choice for me, then I will not go out.

I do not like to get lost.  I print a paper map plus listen to the Google lady.  Even after going to the location several times, I will use the GPS.  What does the GPS look like on a weight loss journey?  Well it consists of the voice inside us telling us NOT to have that cookie.  It steers us towards healthier options.  What happens if the GPS is not enabled?  We eat that piece of pecan pie.  Blinders go on when we see a cookie.  We get lost.  Remember to always have your GPS on and follow their directions, not stopping for the side attractions until you reach your destination.

Y'all have a great weekend!  I will be revisiting my high school days by attending a prom Friday night!

Christina 

What to do when you're looking a curve ball in the eye

So the last few weeks have been different.  And as some of you know, I had to do something this last week that as a single woman I didn't want to do.  I am back on the market....that's right so go through your address books, look for those single guys that you think would be perfect for me! 

I also have more time now to devote to this blog and my newest one.....Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  Most of my dating mishaps will be on that page.  I hope you follow that one as it will keep you entertained.  

I was looking a curve ball in the eye and it was in slow motion.  I will be honest here and say I have put on 11 lbs. since making lifetime.  I feel ashamed for that.  I was sure I would be able to keep it off and make that status a proud one to have.  It was almost as if my ex tried to weasel her way back in and say "Forget about Lifetime.  You have a boyfriend now!"  I don't mean to put the blame on anyone but myself, and I said in my previous blog that it was me who chose the shake and blizzard, but I believe now it was the ex.  She tied up Pandora and myself and was happy as a child at Christmas when she saw Sonic and DQ.  

So what do you do when you're staring a curve ball in the eye?  You can either duck to miss it or deal with it.  Just because something unexpected happened doesn't mean I can't get back to me.  It doesn't mean I struck out of the game.  It means the next time I'm up to bat, I'll hit a home run.  I found the quote below on a site and wanted to include it here:

 "There will be another inning, another game, another chance, and 'how' the curve ball is handled is up to you.  Confidence, spirit and love of the game can be loss or take a stance at home plate, swing like you have never swung before........"

I can get some perspective from this curve ball.  Is it possible I would have put on the 11 lbs. if I hadn't had a boyfriend for a little while?  Maybe, maybe not.  It could be that one thing to make me realize while the break was good it's time to get back in the game.  

Then I can ask myself 'What can I do to fix the situation?'  I'm doing it now.  I'm getting back on track.  While it may take time to swing with a purpose, I'm up to bat and ready to play.  I'll go back to bare bones.  I'll get this weight off and get back to my goal and sparkle with Lifetime status.  Right now, the FEAR just stares me in the face.  I need to knock it down and show it that I am not putting anymore weight back on.

So with the start of baseball season upon us, Spring is in the air, what are you going to do when life throws you a curve ball?  Have a great week!  

Christina 

Sometimes we need the big pink eraser, not just the one on the end of a pencil

"Sometimes we have to see for ourselves.  We have to make our own mistakes.  We have to learn our own lessons.  We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug, until we can't anymore, until we finally understand ourselves......."

If I had not gone through the weight loss journey myself to lose 202 pounds, I would not believe it. It was my sweat (and sometimes tears) that made it possible for me to shed that weight.  The journey certainly wasn't without its challenges.  Happy hours masked as a good time when really a test they were to be.  I had to see for myself that it was necessary to explore life and have fun and how making the healthiest choices could be difficult.  

I reached my second and final goal in December of last year.  I reached Lifetime status in January. Since that time, I participated in my second 5K and my first half marathon, and also put on some of the pounds I worked so hard to lose.  I let the Lifetime status down.  I used the "celebratory" excuse but after last week I no longer can use that excuse.  The fear is real and so is the struggle to maintain this new lifestyle and weight loss.  Eleven pounds have gone back on.  No, that's not so much to lose, but this journey of mine has been interrupted by life.

The new Smart Points Program brought a lot of Aha moments to members.  The piece of pecan pie you might want to splurge on is now what.......21 points?  One might eat a cinnamon roll and have the shock and awe reaction after learning the point value.  Where is the big pink eraser when we need it? Wouldn't it be great if the big pink eraser could be used to erase what has been eaten?  

As much as I try to stay balanced, these tests keep coming up.  Living the single life, for example. There have been several times in the last month that I wished I had a giant pink eraser.  While on date night, I chose to have the small peanut butter shake from Sonic.  I could have easily passed it up  I ate more red meat in one night than I have in the last year.  I slowed down my walking.  After training for the marathon, I guess my body said "Whew! We did it.  Can we take a break now?"  It's been hard getting back into my routine of double digit miles.  On other date nights, I have eaten things I haven't had in a very long time.  I chose to have the peanut butter blizzard from DQ.  And tracking was the furthest thing from my mind.

Goodness I wish I had that pink eraser.  Not just with my continuing weight loss journey but with this single life.  I know I have missed several great moments because I messed them up or ignored them altogether.  I am trying to get out there and have fun.....stay out a little passed my curfew.  Part of me wants to but the dedicated, fighter me says no because 4:30 a.m. comes way too early.   So little steps I take and abandon the fighter me, the Weight Watcher me, at the door.  While out one night, I had chicken strips with french fries.  On another night I had street tacos.  The street tacos were during the week I should have been working my butt off to get this weight off.  Now I am down to this week.  I am hoping if I stay strictly on my program and walk at least 14 miles a day, I will lose at least 5 pounds.

So, while no Chex Mix or chocolate chips, no cookies have entered my house, the jelly beans have! Jelly beans!  I haven't had jelly beans in over 2 years until this week.  Ugh!!!! Pink eraser where are you?!  I am about to go walk about 6 miles this morning before Easter lunch.  I will not , DO NOT want to buy BIGGER clothes.   So my strategy is to begin from the beginning.   Play like I am starting over.  At least that's my plan.  My girlfriend who I walk with told me the other day she could tell I needed a break after reaching goal for the second time.  Burn out was where I was headed by the way I was talking.  She supported this break time of mine she said, but break time is over she said.

I know I have so many of you looking to me as an example.  An example of what hard work, dedication, determination, and loyalty can result in.  I promise to retain that title and not let you down.  For I have a dressy dress and a polka dot swimsuit to still fit into.

Y'all have a great week.....donate all that left over Easter candy somewhere!

Christina

If you have to cry, go outside other things you should know

You know, there are days, okay months too, that I am a combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me."

Let's chat about hormones.  Not only the kind that get you starry-eyed at the thought of romance or a night out or the kind that creates those sugar cravings at least once a month.  There is that hormone that causes hunger.  Then there is the stress hormone.  Ugh.  

I am by nature a sensitive person.  I can cry sometimes at the drop of a hat.  I go at things hard and open myself up sometimes.  I do not handle stress all that well.  

Lately I have not been honoring my Lifetime status.  Not sure what it is.  Is it because I've become complacent again with this life?  Have I let life take control?  About 8 lbs. have bone back on and I do not like that.  So it's time to get back into fight mode.  Do I have what it takes?  Absolutely! I have a couple of things coming up and HAVE to get back to goal.

Hormones and weight loss should be in the same category as oil and water.  Am I right?  So, as women, there are at least two weeks (for me anyway) out of every month that can be totally hormonal.  Hell, sometimes those pesky hormones can run rampant the entire month.  Then there is the hunger and stress hormone.

I threw out there asking you if there was something you'd like to me write about.  I know all about hormones.  As I get older, they are twisty and soooo unpredictable.  While I was in the first and second phase of my weight loss journey, I suppose I suppressed any hormones.  They weren't all that noticeable.

After I lost the bulk of the weight, my body started adjusting, including hormone level.  I realized the week Aunt Rosie was in town, I needed to not think about men or anything social.  The hormones magnified those emotions ten fold.  I had to fight back any cravings I had for sweets, croutons, or other snacky foods.

Food wasn't the only thing those dreaded hormones affected.  They drudged up emotions that could cause me to go way off track. So you're wanting to know what I did.  Well......

Early on I handled it pretty well.  I was losing just about every week so I didn't really think of them as a problem.  But as I inched closer to my goal and the weight seemed to slow down, hormonal days became too frequent and more difficult to handle.   During those weeks, I chose not to go out because any little thing (missed smile, look, or gesture from a guy) was magnified.  Which would cause me to eat those chocolate chips, croutons, etc.

So how do I handle them now? It's a learning process.  My hormones take over and I eat things shouldn't  But I stop and think how far I have come.  Gaining 8 lbs. is not much when I look at the big picture of losing 202 lbs.  I have continued and will continue to walk, sometimes double digits. That's part of my fight mode.  Activity helps with those hormonal days.

Then there's the hunger hormone. It sneaks up on you and before you know it instead of making healthy choices, you drive straight through the line at McDonald's or Chick Fil A.  I know the feeling....while my car hasn't randomly driven in the parking lot of Burger King, I go to the store and pick up things I know are bad for me.  What will it take for me to get back in fight mode?  Conquer that hunger hormone?

Right now, I have an amazing guy in my life and things are good.  He knows I am on Weight Watchers and he eats fairly healthy...... just need to handle his craving for sweets.   I fear I have become complacent and comfortable with this part of my life.  As my friend says, I have worked so very hard for this and I deserve this happiness I am experiencing.   So what if I have to be in fight mode a little while longer to get back to a place where I am happy?

Hormones.  Ugh!  As women not only do we struggle with female hormone, we deal with stress and hunger hormones.  They can be nasty little devils.  But we are strong and will not let them get to us while on this weight loss journey.

Don't forget to follow my blog by signing up with your email.

Christina