A little late for Spring cleaning but there's always time for tidying up

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, yet gently still allows you to grow."  

So I can be inspired at any given point and start to put words onto the screen.  But like life's changes, sometimes changes happen with my blog.  In Weight Watchers, we've discussed lately befriending our body and most recently decluttering.  Whether it's the mind or one room or entire house.  So since I'm a few weeks behind I'm going to try and wrap everything up with a nice little bow.

It's been a crazy couple of months.  Mother Nature decided we needed more rain in late May....as if we hadn't had enough.  That same week she sent a train load of hormones my way.  Needless to say I was not in any shape to make public appearances.   I'd been in a slump because I got away from that happy number I reached last year.  And maintained (give or take) to reach lifetime.  I persevered and got to that number where I felt my happiest and healthiest.  Worked harder than I have before in my life.  Then something happened.

No one's fault but my own.  Making healthy choices was not a priority at the time.  The last time I liked myself and was happy was in the dressing room at Victoria's Secret.  I stood in the feminine pink dressing room and looked in the mirror.  Who was staring back at me?  I was liking (okay maybe loving a little bit) the person in the mirror.  She actually had a curve to her.

Recently we discussed loving/liking your body.....befriending it.  We are encouraged to tell ourselves one thing we love about our bodies every day eventually loving everything about us.  Friends are there to support us as well.  I worked hard to achieve my goal with the support of awesome friends to encourage me. Somewhere along the way after I reached lifetime, the wagon stopped I got off and failed to get back on.  Things happened in life and I somehow forgot what it took to get to where I was. So I'm taking the weight loss journey again.  Trying to find that confidence I was starting to have.

I think part of the problem was not only the rain last month but my walking buddy left the a couple of weeks ago.  Like anything, to truly be at peace, sometimes facing something is the best way to move on.  I knew it was going to be devastating and I think that's why we hadn't walked together in most recent months.  But I found once I said my See ya later and hugged her, I felt fine.  I felt ready to hit it and get back on the right path.  Yes I would have to walk by myself like I had been before I met her, but I could do that.  I could put my ear buds in and jam to my spotify list and walk those 5 miles.  We also talked about walking with each other by phone.

So I started slowly back on the main road.  The humidity has been really bad so I've cut back on my walking.  But I've added some other activities.  Last week I made a huge leap and lost 7 lbs. making a great start to my happy number.  This week 1.8 of those lbs. found its way back on.  Thanks to wine and mother nature.

I am starting to love my body again.  I am going to declutter my house and make it clean and organized again.  Especially my fridge.  It's been disheveled lately.  I will have to be really, really focused as dating has reared its head once again.  I met this wonderful guy and we are enjoying getting to know each other.  He understands about my journey and when I tell him when I go to my meetings, I do not feel like I need to make something up.  And he's helped me "love" or befriend my body even more because he tells me I'm beautiful not only outwardly but inwardly as well.

Multi-tasking may not be the most popular of skill sets.  But just maybe, while the decluttering/tidying up is taking place, that spare minute when a breath needs to be taken, a kind word can be given to the favorite part of the body.  Let's declutter our minds and get back to the real reason(s) we are on this journey.  Let's embrace our bodies as they are now and get excited about how they'll look when we reach the final destination.

Y'all have a great week!
Christina

If you're happy and you know it......you know what to do

Think back to the early school age.  Maybe not much past kindergarten.  If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.  I know, I know.....that tune will now be in your head for the next few hours.  If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet...... you get the idea.

On this weight loss journey, when has been your happiest moment.  Okay, if you have several, that's allowed.  And you may be saying, duh, it was when I reached goal.  Or got lifetime status.  For some, the happiest moment may be finishing a 5K or fitting into a size smaller clothes.  

I've had many happy moments during my journey.  Just being able to stick with it and lose the weight has been a happy moment.  My first shopping trip after losing 50 lbs (or was it 100) was a happy moment.  I no longer was restricted to Lane Bryant or Catherine's.  Small happy moments all added up to a bigger one.  I worked so hard to reach a specific number and point.  I was learning to live a healthy lifestyle, cutting out the toxicity.  Whether it be toxic food, people, or situations.  I fought hard to control what I let come in my life.  I approached my final goal, I felt the happiest when I ate cleanly......a different salad every day.  Enjoying my activity and being able to do new things. 

I bring this up because I've noticed the last few weeks I'm not happy with my progress or current situation.  And whether we like it or not, a snowball effect can happen.  Because I haven't been happy with what I've let happen to my weight, it has affected everything else.  It is true that I deserved to be happy when I reached my goal.  And I was.  I haven't been making those healthier choices.  How can I get that fire back?  Can I fuel my disappointment and get back to that number when I was happy?  I thin I can.  Unlike before, it may take a little longer.  But I am determined to do it.....and once I'm there, there is where I'll stay.

Also, I think the unwanted visitor keeps wanting to come back.  And I had a friend bring up a good point.  Maybe the visitor isn't supposed to be gone completely.  Maybe I'm to learn to co-exist with my ex.   She is one of the reasons I haven't been happy lately.  Plus other issues.

I was watching the video of when I reached final goal in December of last year.  I looked so small and those were happy tears.  In two years I did what I thought was the impossible.  Maybe it was too quick.  Maybe I didn't take time to work on my mental state.

So now my read education begins I suppose.  Can I use what I learned while getting to goal in order to get back there?  Can my ex and I co-exist while at the same time learning to be happy?

If you're happy and you know it, then be proud of your perseverance to get there.  Do all you can to stay there!

What to do with an unwanted visitor......

They show up at the most inopportune times......without warning.  And they can stay for hours, days, weeks.....even months or years.  We want them to leave but how do we tell them.  When these unwanted visitors finally DO leave, we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.

I have to admit this transformations sucks at times.  The "after" is not what I thought it would be.  I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle.  After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle.  I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc.  I found that I liked walking and other activities.  I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga.  I conquered climbing half of a rock wall.  I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.

Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people.  A friend of mine put it this way:

"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."

I didn't quite know what road to take after losing those 200 lbs.  What journey do I take now?  I came and conquered.  I saw the sights, rode the rides.   I sent the former "fat" me on her way.  Dubbed her the "ex." Little did I know she'd do everything she could to weasel her way back in my life.  

It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable.  Which I did.  She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD!  Ugh!  I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking.  Just hiding in a corner.  

This unwanted visitor was successful in making herself at home just recently.  I haven't figured out what makes her decide to come back.  I was out earlier this week bowling with some friends.  Someone had a pan of pizza - looked like a quadruple meat variety.  I reached over and took a slice, knowing full well that wasn't a healthy choice.  The "ex" was telling me to go ahead and have one more slice, heck have 2 more slices.  I felt her smiling as I picked up the third slice.  Why not?  After all, I was being whispered things that I had heard years before.  

She settles in and is ready to whisper those things I have tried so hard to forget.  Like when I don't get the interview....she's there to whisper I'm not good enough.  Or when the guy I have my eye on doesn't know I'm alive she whispers it's because I'm still not small enough.  I want to scream and ask her "Where the hell did you come from?"  So how do I get rid the unwanted visitor?

It's a hard task.   A task that may not ever be completed.  Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again.  And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts.  It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.

I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status.  I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks.  I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there.  I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.

I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back.  Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away.  Y'all have a great weekend ahead!

Christina

Some things never change

I am getting back on track.........started getting back into routine with activity last week.  Numbers are going down.......soon I'll be at goal or what is known as "pre-boyfriend weight."  

On one of my walks, or maybe in the shower, I started mentally writing down notes about my next blog topic.  What got me thinking was a beach party I went to last weekend.  It's a big disappointment when the vision you have of a job, date, event, weigh in day, doesn't go the way you thought it would in your head.  So I had envisioned this beach party happening a way in my head. There was lots of drinking; and I don't mean water or ICE carbonated fruit beverages.  I felt so out of place for several reasons.  

After I lost the first 100 lbs., and I was going to Happy Hours and nights out, I had wine, liquor, and those fruity tinis.  And as I have told you, I realized that has never been me.  I was never a drinker before I got sick so why should that change.  Okay, so I will have a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend or two, but not every night or weekend.  And yes, on occasion, I have been known to drink some beer.....rare occasion.  

I realized that was one thing that I did not want to change from the person I used to be.  Why must I change myself completely just because I lost 200 lbs.?  The physical journey is hard enough that when changes to a personality are thrown in, sometimes it's too much.  Doors can be shut on "exes" and they can be kicked out, but they remain the same.

Once I reached my final goal weight, I was pretty sure I had this.  Sure,  I would be able to handle anything thrown at me......well within reason.   I have always been a little shy.  One might go as far to say I am like an onion (yellow sweet) in that I have many layers.  But I realized I can't get comfortable.  Tests are all around me.  Like on those wonderful date nights when I gave in and had a shake from Sonic and a blizzard fro DQ.   I thought I had written off ice cream because as you know I hadn't had it in over two years.    I was out of my element and when you think a craving is gone, it really is just buried in the back of your mind.  I had done well to suppress all those cravings....hamburgers. pizzas, ice cream.   But at that moment, it was like old times.  I had the chocolate shake from Sonic and another time a peanut butter blizzard from DQ.   Whatever I thought had changed, really hadn't.

I lost 202 lbs. and while my outward appearance changed, some aspects of the real me did not.  I thought because I was this new and improved me, that meant new habits.   Okay, maybe some new habits.....healthy, fun habits.  For example, if I wasn't much of a drinker before, why did I think I needed to become one after losing a whole person?

Yes, I am a different person after losing 202 lbs.   This person now does not eat fast food, she makes exercising a priority (2x a day sometimes 3), her beverage of choice is water, and most of all she enjoys the benefits of shopping for smaller clothes.  But  there are some points on my foundation that haven't changed.

When we lose weight, we are changing ourselves.  Our minds and bodies.  Change the way it thinks, choices we make.  But does it have to change completely?  Even more now, I am aware of what the wrong choices can do/ mess up.  I am aware that 3 glasses of wine may not be the BEST option.  As we change, the more the things stay the same.

Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and get email alerts about new posts.  And check out my newest blog.....Dating and Afraid.  

Be kind to one another.

Unlike in dating, you have to work at it for it to happen

Good morning wet Weight Watcher people (and my other friends)!  I hope most of you are dry and safe.  Those that aren't, you'll be in my prayers.  Just pray y'all have healthy good snacks in the house.  I'm ready for some sunshine.  

Thought I would do a similar post as I will in my dating blog, Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  I had a friend tell me that if you have to work at getting someone to notice you, then it's not meant to be.  She has a point, although I don't like to hear it because apparently it's not meant to be for me so many times.  

But it's different when you're losing weight.  It WILL happen if you work at it.  Work is needed to be successful at losing weight and the relationship with one's self.  

During my first phase, I worked so hard for the weight to come off.  After I lost about 50 lbs I realized it could happen if I ate right, exercised, and just followed the program.

Have you ever associated losing weight with dating and getting comfortable with someone?  Yes, you have to eat right (which includes healthy foods, portions, and nutrition) and exercise for it to happen. In order for you to get results.  In the beginning it's new and exciting.  Eating the right, healthier foods, giving up those things that are toxic, and exercising helps you lose weight.  Happiness sets in and maybe some giddiness.  The weight comes off.

But then being comfortable with the program as well as the weight that has come off follows.  The newness may have worn off.  The program is part of the new lifestyle and it's here for the long haul. So the excitement of eating those healthy foods and doing activity decreases.  It's no longer "Can't wait to get out there and ride the bike," but "Well, it'll be there tomorrow."   The newness of losing weight must never decrease.  Working at it has to happen for it to work.

I'm guilty of this......several times over.  I became comfortable with the program, losing weight week after week, exercising nearly 7 days a week.  The newness had worn off.  I was no longer working at making it happen.  And what happened?  Weight went back on.  So I have to get back to working at it and think of it as new again.  The newness of the program, finding exercising exciting again.

I do have barricades in the way which will make working at making this new again somewhat challenging.  But wanting it bad enough, I will work at it because I want to save this new me.  I want to save this new found transformation.

So you might find yourself getting comfortable with losing weight and the program.  And to a point you need to be comfortable but not so much that you don't continue working at it.

Prayers go out to those suffering from the floods.  Y'all stay safe and hopefully dry.

Christina

Once was lost but now found

So this 100 mile journey that seems to be very popular with each of us is not without its detours.  I finished the 100 mile journey without turning around at mile 98.  During the journey I was able to pass up the sideline attractions......that is until I reached my final destination.  

Once I reached my final goal, I was ready to see the sights, those sideline attractions.  Or I thought I was.  I pictured them as those tempting booths at carnivals.  You know the ones....offering deep fried everything, the world's biggest turkey leg on a stick, or anything candied.  Then there the rides; the ones that go around and around or straight up and down.  They're not all that fun after eating carnival foods. 

I got lost checking out those sideline attractions and ignored reality for awhile.  Seeing the sights and attractions.  

Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I am what I call directionally challenged.  Just recently have I developed a great relationship with the Google map lady.  Unfortunately she can't help me find my way back to where I need to be.

Just in the last couple of weeks I found the main road again and got back on it.  I hopped on it just before Twoterville.  And if I'm not careful and focused, I will end up there again.   The first stop I planned for was a Weight Watcher meeting.  Thankfully it was on the main route so I didn't have to take a detour.

I know what to do in order not to get lost again.  But those side attractions sometimes get bigger and brighter.  In order to return to the main destination I need to maintain focus.  If that means stopping at every Weight Watcher meeting then that's what I will do.  I am not so far lost that the 202 lbs I have lost is not a testament to my diligence and persistence.

Getting back on the main road also means getting back to basics and have a talk with the ex....she tries for visitation.  When I started this journey I flew by the attractions and didn't think about seeing the sights.  So in order to stay on the main road I need to track everything I eat, which I haven't been doing.   I do okay with breakfast, but it's after morning tracking goes by the wayside.   Ugh!  It's hard. It's like life is saying "I was put on hold while you worked toward your goal.  I'm back and you've got to learn the balance."  Really?!  Why must I learn to balance!?  So this is what the fighter has plans to do.  Get back to goal then add life balance in.  I am in control of what I do.  So if going out is not the best healthiest choice for me, then I will not go out.

I do not like to get lost.  I print a paper map plus listen to the Google lady.  Even after going to the location several times, I will use the GPS.  What does the GPS look like on a weight loss journey?  Well it consists of the voice inside us telling us NOT to have that cookie.  It steers us towards healthier options.  What happens if the GPS is not enabled?  We eat that piece of pecan pie.  Blinders go on when we see a cookie.  We get lost.  Remember to always have your GPS on and follow their directions, not stopping for the side attractions until you reach your destination.

Y'all have a great weekend!  I will be revisiting my high school days by attending a prom Friday night!

Christina 

What to do when you're looking a curve ball in the eye

So the last few weeks have been different.  And as some of you know, I had to do something this last week that as a single woman I didn't want to do.  I am back on the market....that's right so go through your address books, look for those single guys that you think would be perfect for me! 

I also have more time now to devote to this blog and my newest one.....Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  Most of my dating mishaps will be on that page.  I hope you follow that one as it will keep you entertained.  

I was looking a curve ball in the eye and it was in slow motion.  I will be honest here and say I have put on 11 lbs. since making lifetime.  I feel ashamed for that.  I was sure I would be able to keep it off and make that status a proud one to have.  It was almost as if my ex tried to weasel her way back in and say "Forget about Lifetime.  You have a boyfriend now!"  I don't mean to put the blame on anyone but myself, and I said in my previous blog that it was me who chose the shake and blizzard, but I believe now it was the ex.  She tied up Pandora and myself and was happy as a child at Christmas when she saw Sonic and DQ.  

So what do you do when you're staring a curve ball in the eye?  You can either duck to miss it or deal with it.  Just because something unexpected happened doesn't mean I can't get back to me.  It doesn't mean I struck out of the game.  It means the next time I'm up to bat, I'll hit a home run.  I found the quote below on a site and wanted to include it here:

 "There will be another inning, another game, another chance, and 'how' the curve ball is handled is up to you.  Confidence, spirit and love of the game can be loss or take a stance at home plate, swing like you have never swung before........"

I can get some perspective from this curve ball.  Is it possible I would have put on the 11 lbs. if I hadn't had a boyfriend for a little while?  Maybe, maybe not.  It could be that one thing to make me realize while the break was good it's time to get back in the game.  

Then I can ask myself 'What can I do to fix the situation?'  I'm doing it now.  I'm getting back on track.  While it may take time to swing with a purpose, I'm up to bat and ready to play.  I'll go back to bare bones.  I'll get this weight off and get back to my goal and sparkle with Lifetime status.  Right now, the FEAR just stares me in the face.  I need to knock it down and show it that I am not putting anymore weight back on.

So with the start of baseball season upon us, Spring is in the air, what are you going to do when life throws you a curve ball?  Have a great week!  

Christina