If you have to cry, go outside, but whatever you do, DON'T eat!

I saw a quote that said, "Food is the most abused anxiety drug.  Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant."   

We revisited the topic of emotional eating in our Weight Watchers meeting.  The group agreed that emotional eating and learning how to combat it is one of the MOST dangerous/ important issues on any weight loss journey.   I sat there thinking that sometimes we think it might be emotional eating when it could very well be boredom.  Like watching TV and eating a bag of chips.  It wasn't the intention to eat the entire bag, but before too long, the ENTIRE bag is gone.  Emptied.

Emotional/Stress eating is a big issue for me.  As well as eating out of boredom.  The only thing(s) that saved me during storm Harvey was there was no "comfort," "storm," or "binge" type food in my kitchen.  Boredom surely set in as I was stuck inside for a few days.  

I find that my emotional eating is at its worst when I feel I'm not good enough.  Rejection.  Guilt.  Negativity.  The feeling that food is a shield and won't reject me enter my thoughts.  I mean, the bag of Chex Mix, chips, or box of cookies isn't going to reject me.  It's a way to suppress all those negative feelings.  And it certainly isn't going to suggest healthier options.  That's up to me.  The part of the brain that knows better.  Emotions can sometimes be tied (linked) to eating habits that without knowing, reaching for that donut or slice of pizza when feelings of anger, stress or negativity arise is out of habit.  Plainly, the connection between negative emotions and unhealthy foods is a strong one.  

When I felt let down, rejected, or otherwise unattractive, it was nothing for me to reach for a pint of ice cream or bag of chips.  Now I must learn to turn those negative feelings into something positive.  Instead of eating unhealthy foods, turn to activity or positive thoughts.  But you don't hear what foods we are drawn to with a positive mood.  If we're drawn to any certain foods at all.  If I'm feeling good about myself I usually don't think of food....healthy or otherwise.  However, I read an article that stated some research shows people in positive moods are more likely to choose fruit over chocolate. 

It's important for me to learn that not every celebration needs to involve food.  But that's what we've been conditioned to do.  Birthday, where to go to celebrate?  What to eat? Holiday, who'll cook what?  Or go out? But some say that emotional eaters turn everyday occurrences into celebratory situations...allowing them to justify eating "comfort" food.  Emotions and eating are two regular components of our lives that they usually get tangled up with one another. 

I will admit, I still use food sometimes as a "healer."  Not all the time, but it is there.  After a break-up, I think what's the point? So I jump at the chance when someone wants Mexican.  After all, I wasn't attractive to the man that just turned me down, so I must not be good enough.  Getting news that I was passed over for a job I interviewed for, the food is there to console me.  Then stress enters the picture.  How do I tame it?  I try not to let it consume me.  Yoga helps.  And all that walking I do takes my mind off of those negative emotions. 

Food will always be a struggle for me.  That's why it's important for me to work on balance, flexibility, and keeping my emotions in check.  The fat girl is still here and it is so easy for her to rear her ugly head when emotions get the best of me.   It's all about control.  We all know that life doesn't revolve around control.  As long as I can control something........the something being what I put in my mouth (or how I stop it), I'll be okay.  I'm hesitant to let life enter a little.  I know what happened the last time I let life in....I gained 30 pounds and spent this past last year losing it.  Talk about emotions getting the best of me! 

I will win the battle with the emotions monster.  Learning to let things go.  Realizing that emotions (and eating) are a big part of life.  Unhealthy food (more like unhealthy choices) doesn't have to be tied to them.  Maybe then this balance, and flexibility thing will work out. 

My journey is Glitter all the Weigh!  How about yours?  Have an awesome week!

"Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!"  Christina 

My balance beam is more like a tight rope!

"Balance is not something you find; it's something you create." 

I should be happy about this but I'm more anxious than I was the first time I reached Lifetime status.  Sunday I landed in Lifetime again...and for the last time.  These 30 pounds were the hardest to lose than the initial 200 that ushered me in Lifetime, awarding me a little gold key.  Thirty pounds of boyfriend weight, emotional/stress induced eating, plus just plain boredom.  The boyfriends went away yet the weight remained.  I was eventually employed but the weight from being home and stressed was still there.  I'd tell myself I was working at it, but I was eating things I shouldn't.  And not tracking them.  

So as I stepped on the scale and the weigh in lady told me I was back to Lifetime, part of me was elated.  The other part, well, anxiety and fear started to set in.  And so early.  Those emotions didn't even wait till I got home. 

After the meeting I did what I always do; that is walk my 5 miles.  I walked a new trail due to the waterway being otherwise used.  It was the hardest 4.5 miles in a long time.  But these walks are what keep me where I am.  So I made it back to Lifetime and got my teeth worked on.  All they needed was a deep cleaning.  So I can actually eat things other than a soft diet.  So, the real work, the hard work, begins.  Balance.  I still wobble and feel like I'm going to fall off and end up where I was just a month or so after I finished my half marathon.  I wasn't even at my goal the first time a MONTH before I let life take over.  Intervene.  It somewhat sabotaged the wise choices I needed to make. 

Balance.  If you know me personally (as a person, in real life) you may know that I go with gusto towards everything.  It's go big or go home.   How am I supposed to continue doing what I'm doing - 5 mile walks, yoga, watching what I eat, tracking everything, warding off negative thoughts, insecure thoughts - and still live life?  Maybe it's not supposed to happen right away.  Baby steps.  Ha!  I've never been one to take baby steps.  Before, dating was a factor in the weight finding its "weigh" back; as of now, there aren't any prospects to hinder my success at balancing.  What do I try first?  Compromising.  Meeting friends.  Loosen the rigidity.  I have no clue.  For the better part of my existence, I shielded myself from any of that.  Stayed home.  Ate.  Now, at 46 I feel like I have a brand new start.  It's overwhelming.  

Maybe not today.  You find out who your friends are eventually.  I opened up to my WW buddy (and #solesister) how my feelings were hurt by something my neighbors commented on.  She offered to go out with me. Saying it's probably best to associate with like minded people.   And while one twin (I'm Gemini) thought that was awesome, the sensible one crushed the idea.   Envisioning something in the head often doesn't happen the exact way in life.  I envisioned going out, not letting the loud people, the crowds, insecure thoughts get to me.  

I realize there's no end because this is the lifestyle I chose.  Healthier lifestyle.  A lifestyle free of processed foods, junk foods, grease laden large pizzas.  I chose to have normal blood pressure, normal range sugars.  Balance.  Real work.  Maintenance.  Hard work.  But after the storm I have walked through, I have faith that with my awesome supporters and determination, I will stay at goal.  Or at least not wobble too far away.  

The Learning Never Stops.....

Pursuit of Happyness:  Learning how to accept myself after losing 200 lbs, the struggles I face, and to enjoy life as I am..  

Long before I started this blog or even my weight loss journey, I was an unhappy thirty-something (turned forty-something).  My fashion sense consisted of elastic waist pants and the same blouse and tank in many colors.  Self-esteem was basically non-existent.  Unable to find clothes in regular stores, there was only one store I could find clothes in yet they were made for the "older" woman.  I had no idea the start of my weight loss journey would begin in a hospital.  Read my story here. 

If someone told me years ago I would practice yoga and LOVE it, not to mention do it on a  paddle board (read about it here), I would say "No way!"  Before I would scoff at the idea of doing a marathon but I did. In 2016 with my walking buddy by my side, I did my first half marathon.  The glow and empowerment I felt running across the finish line in under 3 hours was unbelievable.

The initial reason I started this blog was to chronicle my weight loss journey....and because a fellow Weight Watcher member suggested I do.  To share the struggles, ups and downs, and small victories (okay, and some big ones).  I initially lost 202 lbs, reaching lifetime status in 2016 with a weight of 173.6, which was short lived.  I became comfortable with food and threw all wise choices out the window.  My weight slowly climbed and before too long, 11, 15, 25 lbs. found their way back.  Or as I like to call it boyfriend weight.  To go from 375.6 to 173.6 is an awesome feat in my book.  The 25 lbs. I gained back wasn't even close to all of it.

But I wanted to lose the weight I gained after reaching lifetime.  I found it to be a struggle.  Things kept happening, igniting my bad emotional/stress induced eating habits.  Boredom.  I'd lose the same 2-5 lbs. only to gain it back.  It wasn't until a storm named Harvey blew into town that I was given a push in the right direction.  The weight started to come off.  I believe the cravings for sweets has diminished.  I am hoping to earn the lifetime key back shortly.

One thing is for sure, since starting this blog, I've learned so much about weight loss, maintenance, what foods I now like, and about a hundred other things.  Not to mention having gained so much support on my journey.   These are some things I have learned and experienced on my journey. 

Sitting Indian-style was foreign to me until now.  Now I do it with such ease.  

My stomach used to reach my knees when I sat down.  No more!  I actually see my knees and not my stomach.  

I nearly squealed the first time I could paint my toenails.  I can bend my leg and reach over to pain them.  

I've learned when I am shopping I don't look for the largest size before I decide if I like it.  I look for clothing I like first then I look for my size.  

I actually love taking selfies and seeing myself in pictures.  Before, I dreaded photo ops.  Now I really like it and jump at the chance.

My body chemistry has changed.  I used to be hot (and uncomfortable) all the time, complaining when people turned the temp up from 72. Now when it is 72 I put a sweater on.  I seem to be cold (or chilly) most of the time.

I love to see my shadow when I go on walks.  I actually see a slender person.

Before, I'd get winded just taking the stairs to my car.  Now I walk 5 miles / 7 days a week (well most days). 

I actually have men hit on me since losing the weight.  Trying to navigate the dating scene. It never happened before mainly because I hid inside my house.  

I no longer wear granny panties.  I can actually buy cute undies!

When I now sit in a chair, there is room on either side of me (and that's with arms!) instead of before when I would hardly fit in a chair.

I have always considered myself girly, but now I feel it more than ever.  I embrace being girly (but an empowered woman at the same time).  

It's important to do everything I can to maintain my weight.  Includes measuring everything I eat.  

I said good bye to fast food.  These lips haven't touched a hamburger in over 3 years.

I gave up soda and strictly drink water with an occasional tea with meals.  

I have a commitment of walking 5 miles every morning (yes even on weekends).  

I've learned maintenance is HARD.  

I can't be too cocky or comfortable with myself a/k/a the cute syndrome.  I feel good and get told I look cute but I can't let that go to my head.

Fat girl really hasn't moved out.  Some days she is louder.  There are days I see my imperfections and feel unworthy of finding love.  Fat Girl somehow wants to sabotage me and tell me the weight will come back on.

Skinny girly girl shuts Fat Girl up most days.  She loves to shop for small clothes and have fun.

Old habits sometimes make an appearance.  But there are those that completely gross me out.  I am ashamed and disgusted at what I used to eat.

It's a healthy lifestyle change, not a diet.  I don't speak the word diet.  I defend this change when other question.

Support is big!  Losing weight is a little easier when encouragement comes from those that love me.  And want the best for me and cheer me on at every small victory.

There is wonder everywhere.  New activities to try.  New foods to eat.  New experiences.  

Negative talk is not good for anyone.  When I have those silent negative thoughts, I try to do something to banish them away.


I learn something new every day about myself, about maintaining (and losing) weight, and life.  I am somewhat anxious about the next chapter.  Learning how to balance, let life in again, and have fun while at the same time keeping those wise/healthy choices at the forefront of my mind.  And when I feel down or like nothing is going right, I just think of where I have come from.   To think I could have not chosen to not visit the ER that day, there's a chance I would not be here today. 

Christina
Leaving glitter everywhere I go!

Out of darkness We Rise

If for some reason you do not know what has happened in the last week, let me fill you in. Southeast Texas became the target for Hurricane Harvey 2018.  The most devastating, catastrophic hurricane in the last dozen years.  That's what meteorologists say anyway.  And I would tend to agree with them.  It struck the Corpus Christi area first last Friday in the predawn hours and then meandered before making up its mind.  While stuck in limbo, it brought flooding rains to what I call home.  I don't just mean scattered floods.  I mean floods turning streets into rivers.  

Although I was very, very fortunate to not lose power, stay high and dry (as well as my car), I was stuck inside because of Harvey.  What a name?!  He came in with a force, screwed up everything everyone had ever planned.  I became good friends with my treadmill and the one in our fitness room. I was determined to make my 10k step goal each day and I was successful.   I didn't storm the stores beforehand for "hurricane food."  This was a good time to clean, I told myself.  But sitting in front of the television, drinking my coffee, I felt compelled to watch what was going on around me.  I felt productive just being able to walk and work out to get to those 10k steps.  

I was actually glad there were no chips and dip in the house.  No cookies, Twinkies, candy, anything that might be considered a pass during this tragedy.  I would open my refrigerator door and stare at the contents from time to time.  But also realizing I had to save what I had since stores would be almost bare.  I was worried I would want to eat.  That ended up not being the case.  I made some skinny muffins (and they tasted great)....2 SP for lemon ones and 1 SP for cherry vanilla.  So all you do is take 1 lemon cake mix, 1 container of lemon yogurt (I used Dannon Key Lime) and 1 cup of water.  Mix altogether and bake these delicious mini treats for 15 minutes.  I was able to get 50 or so little muffins.  For the Cherry Vanilla muffins, use Betty Crocker Cherry Chip cake mix, 1 cup of plain Greek yogurt (I guess you could use cherry yogurt), and 1 cup of water.  Same principal, different flavor.  I did eat those on Sunday.  I was going to track all week, but abandoned that idea.  Not sure why. It wasn't like I was eating things I shouldn't.  Tracking just wasn't a priority.  

I noticed I was feeling like I had lost some more weight.  My Weight Watchers location was closed so I have continued with the momentum for last week thru this week.  I am stoked to see what my loss is come Friday morning.  Out of boredom, I looked at clothes in my closet.  Since putting on about 20 lbs., some things became snug fitting.  I tried on some pants I had put on the back burner and they fit! I thought, oh goodness!  Then I tried on a dress I specially bought for an event a couple of years ago.  It fit!  I was elated.  

Maybe I'm out of my slump.   Out of the phase of eating chocolate and graham crackers.  Eating things just to eat.  I tried riced cauliflower recently and like it.  I am getting back to honoring my body and treating it with the healthiest possible choices.  Although I think maybe a tender, sensitive tooth or gum may play a part.  

I realize it's hard to stay strong during tragedies like this.  I could have filled my basket at the store with cookies, chocolate chips, etc.  I could have eaten the rest of the chocolate cheerios.  I could have succombed to a few glasses of wine.  But I didn't. I knew I needed to be strong. If I had lose some weight, I didn't want to ruin it.  I was couped up in my house for 3 days.  Yogurt, oranges, a few apples, cheerios, and strawberries was the extent of my inventory.  I am headed back to that happy number.  I am so proud of myself for working hard the 2d time around and getting it back off before it became a hurricane itself.

In tough, and I mean tough, times like this, sometimes we surprise ourselves.  We become stronger and empowered.  We give ourselves a pat on the back for not touching the cookies someone brought in.  It can only get better.  Think of it as milestone.  Progression.  If we can weather a storm like Harvey, and be a Weight Watcher, and look up at the sun and smile, then we can tackle anything.  

What's so scary about commitment?

"Commitment is what makes a promise into reality."  "Commitment comes as a result of choice, not conditions." 

Why do people find it hard to commit to something?  Is it the fear of what might happen if there is success?  Or what might happen if there is a failure?

In order to be committed to losing that extra weight, walk a little more.  Eat more fruits and veggies. Definitely skip those extra glasses of wine.  After 5 glasses (and 20 SP), no one looks attractive. There has to be commitment.  Set the alarm; maybe rip off the snooze button so it can't be used. Totally skip the donut case and go straight for the fruit and vegetables.  

What's causing that not to happen?  Fear?  Losing weight can be difficult for some, especially if the struggle has been the entire life.  Don't even mention body image.  From a young age, I battled with my body image.  It got worse as I got older to the point I didn't like looking in the mirror.  But once I made the commitment to better myself and become healthier, the fear lessened.  Before I started Weight Watchers this last time, that brought me to success, I had been a perpetual member.  Joining, losing maybe 5-10 lbs, then quitting.  My mind, I suppose, wasn't ready for complete lifestyle change. That is until my health intervened and said we had no choice.  There was the commitment to lose weight and become healthier, or commit to die.  

I will admit I am a creature of habit.  However, I embraced the changes I needed to make in order to live the rest of my life.  But I won't lie, it was difficult navigating through the early stages to get there.  The early change was fast and furious.  So much I didn't stop to take time to embrace it.  This time around, the change is somewhat tough and slow.   I have always had a fear of failure that the weight would find its way back.  And the fear has come to fruition.  I feel my commitment this time around is not as strong.  I need to find out why.  

In this commitment-phobic world, it's so easy to abandon something fear of failure at it.  If I truly wan to lose this weight I put back on, then my commitment must be steadfast and strong.  There are days I feel like giving up.  I have felt discouraged lately.  But if I gave up, what would that say? Who would win?  

Not sure why I can't wrap my head around it again like before.  Is it because I've become too comfortable?  Too relaxed?  There are days I am not honest with myself.  The old adage and anecdote, If no one sees you eat it, then it didn't count, crosses my mind.  I eat things I shouldn't.  Mainly on Sunday after the meeting.  

I do not fear commitment.  I welcome commitment; in relationships - whether with another person or myself.  At this moment, it appears I have to be committed to myself.  If you didn't read, I have abandoned my dating blog and the idea of finding love altogether.  So right now, I am committed to myself.  So what is the next strategy?  Commit to walk 5 miles in the morning. Not 4.5 or 4.75.  Not enough to get my 10k steps.  Commit to NO MORE chocolate.  Yes, I ate chocolate on Sundays.  

Commitment.  It's a dangerous word.  But if it's embraced, it can be your friend.  Reality can grow from promises.   

Christina

All roads lead back to a little 3 letter word: YOU

I'm back! Miss me?  I have let my Weight Watchers and my other followers down it seems like.  I started this blog to chronicle my weight loss and healthy lifestyle journey.  To be honest, I guess I forgot about it.  I've been in a rut lately.  Although I'm still what seems like miles from that goal weight that awarded me the Lifetime status, I was starting to make some headway, entering back into Onederland.  Then I don't know what happened.  I ate graham crackers and other things.  But I am happy to report it's coming off again.  My doctor also adjusted my thyroid medication.  And I changed jobs to one that doesn't have the temptation of food every day.  I am getting home maybe 30 minutes later so I'm not letting my car auto steer itself to the store to pick up something I don't need. Thought I would do the same subject as my dating adventures blog.  Although the 3 letter word for the dating post is a different one.  Hop on over and take a look.  

I look back on my journey thus far.  I have changed so much.  I am eating healthier.  Trying to make somewhat healthier choices.  But I feel like I reached the 100 miles, turned around and headed back in the opposite direction. Instead of going forward in a different direction towards a new goal. Stopping halfway to realize I was not headed in the right direction.  

Ever wonder if this is a just a big circle that keeps going round and round?  There is a starting point and an end, but the end point is the same as the starting point.  Maybe look at it this way.  When one goal is reached and the circle seems complete, begin another goal.  You may say or think, I've heard that before. I know I have.  But I'm also a fine one to talk.  I haven't done that.  I was at my goal weight for a minute (literally not long enough) and now I'm having to relive the road to that goal. Albeit not as long, still the same road.  It's a little worn.  But it'll end with me.  Maybe I'll be a little healthier and wiser this time.  

I know the theory/idea of six degrees is not foreign to most.  I haven't really paid attention to it, but while writing this post, it came to mind.  I'm not going to dissect the 6 degrees, but putting thought into it, you are the common element on your weight loss journey.  If asked why, the answer may be for children, for health, or otherwise, but it all ends up with YOU.  YOU want to do it for your children.  YOU want to live healthier, wiser.  YOU want to give up whatever medications being taken.

I have been struggling for the last year with my 20+ weight gain.  I was so sure I could stay at my goal weight.  All I can say is that I'm stubborn.  I thought I had it figured out.  My doctor even pointed out that I was steadily increasing.  The same doctor who boasted that I was a success story.  I felt embarrassed.  I worked so hard to reach 200 lbs lost.  He was fine with me losing 180 but I pleaded with him to approve me losing 200 even.  And now here I am.  I realize it's a life long commitment.  I know I'll get back to that goal and then I will have to learn how to maintain.  The road will one day lead back to me.  I always am in awe of what I did.  All by myself.  The old, heavier me, would have probably given up.  Would have kept going backward to end up at the very beginning.  Not this improved, present me.  I turned around and am headed back in the right direction.   I'm doing it with awesome friends that I adore and plenty of sparkly Glitter!!

Have a great week!
Christina 

It's a great picture when all the puzzle pieces come together

This post is a bit of a cross over with my dating blog.  The subjects are the same....puzzles.  Mainly the puzzle pieces.  After reading this one, I invite you to hop on over to my dating blog.  I may be a weight losing, glitter carrying diva, but I am also Dating and Afraid.  Just a little humor.  This is where you might laugh.  

There are so many puzzle pieces and the outcome when they come together is unlike the kind of puzzle you might buy at a store.  Once those puzzle pieces are put together, it's either a group of kittens or a collage of ice cream cones.  But, in a way, both take a while to complete.  The weight loss puzzle starts out with all these pieces and it's up to us to put them together correctly for a workable outcome.  In the beginning, we uncover the puzzle pieces one at a time.  And it can be aggravating and challenging.  There may be times when we might feel we are missing a piece or two.  A piece we just know will fit.

Those of us who have chosen to change our lifestyle and live it healthier, might feel like this change is a jigsaw puzzle.  Certain aspects of this healthy lifestyle, weight loss journey, are pieces.  We have to sort them out and fit them together.  Then Ta-Da!  We have solved the puzzle.  As with the many times before when I joined Weight Watchers, I hoped that everything would come easy to me. Like that 500 piece puzzle.  You think, 500 pieces!  Easy breezy!  It takes time.

That starter kit looks shiny and new.  Everything is laid out on the table and once the material is studied, you realize it will take some time to sort out.  Then reality hits home and the thought "Oh my goodness!  What did I just do?" might enter your head.  I know it entered mine.  Especially after I found out I was diabetic and everything had to change.

In order for the puzzle to stay together, a framework must be put in place.  A health conscious eating plan.  Good guidelines learned at Weight Watcher meetings.  A list of healthy options; fruit, vegetables, lean protein, good fat,etc.  If you're bold, maybe some bathroom scales.  A food scale to weigh all that deliciousness.  The framework has to be solid.   There might be a lot of pieces with the same color.  And it can be really boring at times.  There's excitement at the beginning but then life and every day routines kick in and results might be, well, amazing.  But despite efforts, the puzzle is taking time to come together.  Sow how do you get them to fit?

As long as the program is followed, then results will be good.  A pound lost here, 2 lbs. lost there. Awesome!  Good habits are formed and a circle of support is built.  Support is essential to help getting through difficult, sometimes challenging, times.  Then there will be days when you want to toss the puzzle back in the box, hands go up in the air.  That's where the awesome support comes in! To keep focus on the finished picture.

Eventually the puzzle pieces come together and the picture of a healthier person comes into view. That's how I felt when I reached my final goal.  All the hard work, trying to sort out the puzzle, putting it together, walking away from it at times, paid off.  I am rewarded every day by good health, energy and growing confidence.

All those new healthy habits that formed the framework are not going to budge.  There might be pieces still to be gathered but it will only make the picture more amazing when it's finally completed.
Have a great weekend!

Christina