Thankfulness Doesn't Stop with Thanksgiving

"I'm thankful for my struggle because I from it I have found my strength." 

"I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now."

My apologies for being late with this post.  You would think this time of year inspiration would come easy to me.  I had to think about this next blog post.  I hope each of my readers, followers, etc. had an awesome and grateful Thanksgiving.  Maybe enjoyed just a little too much pumpkin (or insert your favorite pie here) pie or southern cornbread dressing....and yes the bird!  Thanksgiving is sometimes treated as a day to indulge in foods that aren't on the day to day menu through the year.  As well as Christmas time.  Well, really from Thanksgiving through New Years.  

I found these two quotes and they spoke to me.  Believe it or not I am thankful for what I have experienced over the last 3-4 years.  The hospital visit.  Learning a new set of rules for Diabetes.  I have found so much out about myself that if I had not experienced what I did, I probably would not have discovered what I did.  This strength I have found is so vital to the lifestyle I want to create for myself.  To be honest, I could have had several spoonfuls of my mom's cornbread dressing, my sister's green bean casserole, or a piece of apple pie.  But I stayed focused and realized the cornbread dressing or pie wasn't worth it.  

And oh goodness the second quote!  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has prayed to be smaller, able to sit comfortably in chairs, or not get tired walking around the store.  That's what the quote means to me.  I would pray and envision myself smaller and able to do many things.  The prayer took a good 4 years to be answered, but it was.  Now if my prayers about my love life could be answered, that would be great. 

I am so thankful for the tools Weight Watchers has enabled me to create this healthy lifestyle. I hear there are changes on the way and I know they are only to enhance this journey.   Thankful that with them I have been able to lose the weight I did and somewhat maintain it.  Speaking of, I am still in Land of Lifetime.  If I make it through December (which I have no doubt), I think I will have broken the streak from last year.  This time around I am keeping what I have accomplished at the forefront of my mind.   I am weighing in every week to keep myself accountable.  I tried the balance thing and did okay, although it was an easy test.  Start out slow right. 

I am thankful for the friends in my life.  Those that have become more visible and that they care.  It's important to have that support in life.  And of course the new friends along the way. 

I am thankful and grateful my body forgives me for getting up before dawn to get my morning walk in.  Or do the many other things I wasn't able to do (or want to do) a few years ago.  

Thankfulness doesn't stop when Thanksgiving is over.  Being thankful doesn't stop once the china is put away, "to go" plates are sent home with loved ones, or when the parade ends.  It's year round.  I am thankful for what I have experienced for without it I wouldn't be the person I am today.  There wouldn't be the lessons I have learned.  

So the holiday season seems to be in full swing.  Be thankful where you are today.  Be thankful you have the will power to keep in mind what food is worthy of you eating and so on.  As always, it's a jungle out there this time of year.  Be thankful you have the Armour to protect yourself.

Here's a funny to start the week:  I attended a meeting a few weeks ago and mentioned to the leader about our discussion on "free food" and how it's hard to pass up anything "free."  She said "If you think about it, it's not really free.  It could end up costing you $44.95"  

Anniversaries and Commitment......they go hand in hand.

"There are hidden blessings in every struggle."  

"She believed she could so she did." 

Two quotes I can relate to.  Two quotes that have become my favorites.  Monday, November 6, I celebrated 4 years with Weight Watchers.  I was reminiscing about that night.  I am not sure what caused me to join Weight Watchers on that chilly, rainy Wednesday night in 2013.  I can tell you my mindset wasn't in the place it needed to be.  Nor was the focus.  So why I decided that particular moment to join is a mystery to me.   I walked through the doors and started getting a little nervous.  Not about being there but having to step on the scale.  This friendly lady welcomed me and checked me in.  As I stepped on the scale, tears streamed down my face.  I was certain I had crossed over to 400 pounds but the scale read 375.6.  Those ounces in a weight loss journey mean a lot.  So, yes it might as well have been 376, but it still wasn't 400 like I thought.  I left determined to lose some weight this time.  Not sure how I was going to do it since my history with Weight Watchers wasn't good.  I lacked the commitment to the relationship.  Little did I know about the journey and hidden blessing headed my way.   

Four years later, I weigh less than I did the week before I reached Lifetime for the 1st time in 2016.  Stepping on the scales on Sunday, I am 4 pounds under the lowest goal point.  I can see the 160s in the distance.  A weight I can't remember the last time weighing.  I won't lie - there have been many challenges and struggles in the last 4 years. You can read about my Aha moment and hidden blessing here.  More recently this past year trying to lose the 36 I somehow let climb back on.  These last 36 pounds were the hardest than the 200 I lost the first time.  So there were no "celebrations" this time after reaching a new number or Land of Lifetime.  And being free!  Well, no food related celebrations.  

Being diabetic and on the Weight Watchers program were two games with two sets of not so different rules.  I surprised myself at my commitment to the program and diabetes.  After only 2 years on the program (to some that is still the "honeymoon phase") I reached my goal.  When this relationship started with Weight Watchers and diabetes, I didn't plan on losing as much as I did.  I'm not sure I had a number in mind.  I didn't make long term goals or short term goals.  But if I had, I surpassed them each time.  So years 3 and 4 have been a time of adjusting and strengthening the commitment.  To ensure that there'll be more anniversaries to celebrate.  

My commitment is strong today as it was when I attended the meetings after my hospital stay.  This may be the only 50th anniversary I celebrate, but I will do it proudly.  I'm also hoping there won't be the 7 year itch and my mind gets arrogant and thinks we can do this without Weight Watchers.  I am hoping by year 5 I will have the balance, flexibility and life thing figured out.  Speaking of, I guess this could be considered a little celebration.  In a couple of weeks, I will test the balance, flexibility, and life thing by getting dressed up and attending a wine tasting.  It'll be my once a month out to enjoy this thing called life.  I will be sure to have those wiser / healthier choices sitting in the first row.   

How will your anniversary be celebrated?  

Mine is covered in Glitter all the Weigh!  Have a great week!  

Christina 

If you have to cry, go outside, but whatever you do, DON'T eat!

I saw a quote that said, "Food is the most abused anxiety drug.  Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant."   

We revisited the topic of emotional eating in our Weight Watchers meeting.  The group agreed that emotional eating and learning how to combat it is one of the MOST dangerous/ important issues on any weight loss journey.   I sat there thinking that sometimes we think it might be emotional eating when it could very well be boredom.  Like watching TV and eating a bag of chips.  It wasn't the intention to eat the entire bag, but before too long, the ENTIRE bag is gone.  Emptied.

Emotional/Stress eating is a big issue for me.  As well as eating out of boredom.  The only thing(s) that saved me during storm Harvey was there was no "comfort," "storm," or "binge" type food in my kitchen.  Boredom surely set in as I was stuck inside for a few days.  

I find that my emotional eating is at its worst when I feel I'm not good enough.  Rejection.  Guilt.  Negativity.  The feeling that food is a shield and won't reject me enter my thoughts.  I mean, the bag of Chex Mix, chips, or box of cookies isn't going to reject me.  It's a way to suppress all those negative feelings.  And it certainly isn't going to suggest healthier options.  That's up to me.  The part of the brain that knows better.  Emotions can sometimes be tied (linked) to eating habits that without knowing, reaching for that donut or slice of pizza when feelings of anger, stress or negativity arise is out of habit.  Plainly, the connection between negative emotions and unhealthy foods is a strong one.  

When I felt let down, rejected, or otherwise unattractive, it was nothing for me to reach for a pint of ice cream or bag of chips.  Now I must learn to turn those negative feelings into something positive.  Instead of eating unhealthy foods, turn to activity or positive thoughts.  But you don't hear what foods we are drawn to with a positive mood.  If we're drawn to any certain foods at all.  If I'm feeling good about myself I usually don't think of food....healthy or otherwise.  However, I read an article that stated some research shows people in positive moods are more likely to choose fruit over chocolate. 

It's important for me to learn that not every celebration needs to involve food.  But that's what we've been conditioned to do.  Birthday, where to go to celebrate?  What to eat? Holiday, who'll cook what?  Or go out? But some say that emotional eaters turn everyday occurrences into celebratory situations...allowing them to justify eating "comfort" food.  Emotions and eating are two regular components of our lives that they usually get tangled up with one another. 

I will admit, I still use food sometimes as a "healer."  Not all the time, but it is there.  After a break-up, I think what's the point? So I jump at the chance when someone wants Mexican.  After all, I wasn't attractive to the man that just turned me down, so I must not be good enough.  Getting news that I was passed over for a job I interviewed for, the food is there to console me.  Then stress enters the picture.  How do I tame it?  I try not to let it consume me.  Yoga helps.  And all that walking I do takes my mind off of those negative emotions. 

Food will always be a struggle for me.  That's why it's important for me to work on balance, flexibility, and keeping my emotions in check.  The fat girl is still here and it is so easy for her to rear her ugly head when emotions get the best of me.   It's all about control.  We all know that life doesn't revolve around control.  As long as I can control something........the something being what I put in my mouth (or how I stop it), I'll be okay.  I'm hesitant to let life enter a little.  I know what happened the last time I let life in....I gained 30 pounds and spent this past last year losing it.  Talk about emotions getting the best of me! 

I will win the battle with the emotions monster.  Learning to let things go.  Realizing that emotions (and eating) are a big part of life.  Unhealthy food (more like unhealthy choices) doesn't have to be tied to them.  Maybe then this balance, and flexibility thing will work out. 

My journey is Glitter all the Weigh!  How about yours?  Have an awesome week!

"Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!"  Christina 

My balance beam is more like a tight rope!

"Balance is not something you find; it's something you create." 

I should be happy about this but I'm more anxious than I was the first time I reached Lifetime status.  Sunday I landed in Lifetime again...and for the last time.  These 30 pounds were the hardest to lose than the initial 200 that ushered me in Lifetime, awarding me a little gold key.  Thirty pounds of boyfriend weight, emotional/stress induced eating, plus just plain boredom.  The boyfriends went away yet the weight remained.  I was eventually employed but the weight from being home and stressed was still there.  I'd tell myself I was working at it, but I was eating things I shouldn't.  And not tracking them.  

So as I stepped on the scale and the weigh in lady told me I was back to Lifetime, part of me was elated.  The other part, well, anxiety and fear started to set in.  And so early.  Those emotions didn't even wait till I got home. 

After the meeting I did what I always do; that is walk my 5 miles.  I walked a new trail due to the waterway being otherwise used.  It was the hardest 4.5 miles in a long time.  But these walks are what keep me where I am.  So I made it back to Lifetime and got my teeth worked on.  All they needed was a deep cleaning.  So I can actually eat things other than a soft diet.  So, the real work, the hard work, begins.  Balance.  I still wobble and feel like I'm going to fall off and end up where I was just a month or so after I finished my half marathon.  I wasn't even at my goal the first time a MONTH before I let life take over.  Intervene.  It somewhat sabotaged the wise choices I needed to make. 

Balance.  If you know me personally (as a person, in real life) you may know that I go with gusto towards everything.  It's go big or go home.   How am I supposed to continue doing what I'm doing - 5 mile walks, yoga, watching what I eat, tracking everything, warding off negative thoughts, insecure thoughts - and still live life?  Maybe it's not supposed to happen right away.  Baby steps.  Ha!  I've never been one to take baby steps.  Before, dating was a factor in the weight finding its "weigh" back; as of now, there aren't any prospects to hinder my success at balancing.  What do I try first?  Compromising.  Meeting friends.  Loosen the rigidity.  I have no clue.  For the better part of my existence, I shielded myself from any of that.  Stayed home.  Ate.  Now, at 46 I feel like I have a brand new start.  It's overwhelming.  

Maybe not today.  You find out who your friends are eventually.  I opened up to my WW buddy (and #solesister) how my feelings were hurt by something my neighbors commented on.  She offered to go out with me. Saying it's probably best to associate with like minded people.   And while one twin (I'm Gemini) thought that was awesome, the sensible one crushed the idea.   Envisioning something in the head often doesn't happen the exact way in life.  I envisioned going out, not letting the loud people, the crowds, insecure thoughts get to me.  

I realize there's no end because this is the lifestyle I chose.  Healthier lifestyle.  A lifestyle free of processed foods, junk foods, grease laden large pizzas.  I chose to have normal blood pressure, normal range sugars.  Balance.  Real work.  Maintenance.  Hard work.  But after the storm I have walked through, I have faith that with my awesome supporters and determination, I will stay at goal.  Or at least not wobble too far away.  

The Learning Never Stops.....

Pursuit of Happyness:  Learning how to accept myself after losing 200 lbs, the struggles I face, and to enjoy life as I am..  

Long before I started this blog or even my weight loss journey, I was an unhappy thirty-something (turned forty-something).  My fashion sense consisted of elastic waist pants and the same blouse and tank in many colors.  Self-esteem was basically non-existent.  Unable to find clothes in regular stores, there was only one store I could find clothes in yet they were made for the "older" woman.  I had no idea the start of my weight loss journey would begin in a hospital.  Read my story here. 

If someone told me years ago I would practice yoga and LOVE it, not to mention do it on a  paddle board (read about it here), I would say "No way!"  Before I would scoff at the idea of doing a marathon but I did. In 2016 with my walking buddy by my side, I did my first half marathon.  The glow and empowerment I felt running across the finish line in under 3 hours was unbelievable.

The initial reason I started this blog was to chronicle my weight loss journey....and because a fellow Weight Watcher member suggested I do.  To share the struggles, ups and downs, and small victories (okay, and some big ones).  I initially lost 202 lbs, reaching lifetime status in 2016 with a weight of 173.6, which was short lived.  I became comfortable with food and threw all wise choices out the window.  My weight slowly climbed and before too long, 11, 15, 25 lbs. found their way back.  Or as I like to call it boyfriend weight.  To go from 375.6 to 173.6 is an awesome feat in my book.  The 25 lbs. I gained back wasn't even close to all of it.

But I wanted to lose the weight I gained after reaching lifetime.  I found it to be a struggle.  Things kept happening, igniting my bad emotional/stress induced eating habits.  Boredom.  I'd lose the same 2-5 lbs. only to gain it back.  It wasn't until a storm named Harvey blew into town that I was given a push in the right direction.  The weight started to come off.  I believe the cravings for sweets has diminished.  I am hoping to earn the lifetime key back shortly.

One thing is for sure, since starting this blog, I've learned so much about weight loss, maintenance, what foods I now like, and about a hundred other things.  Not to mention having gained so much support on my journey.   These are some things I have learned and experienced on my journey. 

Sitting Indian-style was foreign to me until now.  Now I do it with such ease.  

My stomach used to reach my knees when I sat down.  No more!  I actually see my knees and not my stomach.  

I nearly squealed the first time I could paint my toenails.  I can bend my leg and reach over to pain them.  

I've learned when I am shopping I don't look for the largest size before I decide if I like it.  I look for clothing I like first then I look for my size.  

I actually love taking selfies and seeing myself in pictures.  Before, I dreaded photo ops.  Now I really like it and jump at the chance.

My body chemistry has changed.  I used to be hot (and uncomfortable) all the time, complaining when people turned the temp up from 72. Now when it is 72 I put a sweater on.  I seem to be cold (or chilly) most of the time.

I love to see my shadow when I go on walks.  I actually see a slender person.

Before, I'd get winded just taking the stairs to my car.  Now I walk 5 miles / 7 days a week (well most days). 

I actually have men hit on me since losing the weight.  Trying to navigate the dating scene. It never happened before mainly because I hid inside my house.  

I no longer wear granny panties.  I can actually buy cute undies!

When I now sit in a chair, there is room on either side of me (and that's with arms!) instead of before when I would hardly fit in a chair.

I have always considered myself girly, but now I feel it more than ever.  I embrace being girly (but an empowered woman at the same time).  

It's important to do everything I can to maintain my weight.  Includes measuring everything I eat.  

I said good bye to fast food.  These lips haven't touched a hamburger in over 3 years.

I gave up soda and strictly drink water with an occasional tea with meals.  

I have a commitment of walking 5 miles every morning (yes even on weekends).  

I've learned maintenance is HARD.  

I can't be too cocky or comfortable with myself a/k/a the cute syndrome.  I feel good and get told I look cute but I can't let that go to my head.

Fat girl really hasn't moved out.  Some days she is louder.  There are days I see my imperfections and feel unworthy of finding love.  Fat Girl somehow wants to sabotage me and tell me the weight will come back on.

Skinny girly girl shuts Fat Girl up most days.  She loves to shop for small clothes and have fun.

Old habits sometimes make an appearance.  But there are those that completely gross me out.  I am ashamed and disgusted at what I used to eat.

It's a healthy lifestyle change, not a diet.  I don't speak the word diet.  I defend this change when other question.

Support is big!  Losing weight is a little easier when encouragement comes from those that love me.  And want the best for me and cheer me on at every small victory.

There is wonder everywhere.  New activities to try.  New foods to eat.  New experiences.  

Negative talk is not good for anyone.  When I have those silent negative thoughts, I try to do something to banish them away.


I learn something new every day about myself, about maintaining (and losing) weight, and life.  I am somewhat anxious about the next chapter.  Learning how to balance, let life in again, and have fun while at the same time keeping those wise/healthy choices at the forefront of my mind.  And when I feel down or like nothing is going right, I just think of where I have come from.   To think I could have not chosen to not visit the ER that day, there's a chance I would not be here today. 

Christina
Leaving glitter everywhere I go!

Out of darkness We Rise

If for some reason you do not know what has happened in the last week, let me fill you in. Southeast Texas became the target for Hurricane Harvey 2018.  The most devastating, catastrophic hurricane in the last dozen years.  That's what meteorologists say anyway.  And I would tend to agree with them.  It struck the Corpus Christi area first last Friday in the predawn hours and then meandered before making up its mind.  While stuck in limbo, it brought flooding rains to what I call home.  I don't just mean scattered floods.  I mean floods turning streets into rivers.  

Although I was very, very fortunate to not lose power, stay high and dry (as well as my car), I was stuck inside because of Harvey.  What a name?!  He came in with a force, screwed up everything everyone had ever planned.  I became good friends with my treadmill and the one in our fitness room. I was determined to make my 10k step goal each day and I was successful.   I didn't storm the stores beforehand for "hurricane food."  This was a good time to clean, I told myself.  But sitting in front of the television, drinking my coffee, I felt compelled to watch what was going on around me.  I felt productive just being able to walk and work out to get to those 10k steps.  

I was actually glad there were no chips and dip in the house.  No cookies, Twinkies, candy, anything that might be considered a pass during this tragedy.  I would open my refrigerator door and stare at the contents from time to time.  But also realizing I had to save what I had since stores would be almost bare.  I was worried I would want to eat.  That ended up not being the case.  I made some skinny muffins (and they tasted great)....2 SP for lemon ones and 1 SP for cherry vanilla.  So all you do is take 1 lemon cake mix, 1 container of lemon yogurt (I used Dannon Key Lime) and 1 cup of water.  Mix altogether and bake these delicious mini treats for 15 minutes.  I was able to get 50 or so little muffins.  For the Cherry Vanilla muffins, use Betty Crocker Cherry Chip cake mix, 1 cup of plain Greek yogurt (I guess you could use cherry yogurt), and 1 cup of water.  Same principal, different flavor.  I did eat those on Sunday.  I was going to track all week, but abandoned that idea.  Not sure why. It wasn't like I was eating things I shouldn't.  Tracking just wasn't a priority.  

I noticed I was feeling like I had lost some more weight.  My Weight Watchers location was closed so I have continued with the momentum for last week thru this week.  I am stoked to see what my loss is come Friday morning.  Out of boredom, I looked at clothes in my closet.  Since putting on about 20 lbs., some things became snug fitting.  I tried on some pants I had put on the back burner and they fit! I thought, oh goodness!  Then I tried on a dress I specially bought for an event a couple of years ago.  It fit!  I was elated.  

Maybe I'm out of my slump.   Out of the phase of eating chocolate and graham crackers.  Eating things just to eat.  I tried riced cauliflower recently and like it.  I am getting back to honoring my body and treating it with the healthiest possible choices.  Although I think maybe a tender, sensitive tooth or gum may play a part.  

I realize it's hard to stay strong during tragedies like this.  I could have filled my basket at the store with cookies, chocolate chips, etc.  I could have eaten the rest of the chocolate cheerios.  I could have succombed to a few glasses of wine.  But I didn't. I knew I needed to be strong. If I had lose some weight, I didn't want to ruin it.  I was couped up in my house for 3 days.  Yogurt, oranges, a few apples, cheerios, and strawberries was the extent of my inventory.  I am headed back to that happy number.  I am so proud of myself for working hard the 2d time around and getting it back off before it became a hurricane itself.

In tough, and I mean tough, times like this, sometimes we surprise ourselves.  We become stronger and empowered.  We give ourselves a pat on the back for not touching the cookies someone brought in.  It can only get better.  Think of it as milestone.  Progression.  If we can weather a storm like Harvey, and be a Weight Watcher, and look up at the sun and smile, then we can tackle anything.  

What's so scary about commitment?

"Commitment is what makes a promise into reality."  "Commitment comes as a result of choice, not conditions." 

Why do people find it hard to commit to something?  Is it the fear of what might happen if there is success?  Or what might happen if there is a failure?

In order to be committed to losing that extra weight, walk a little more.  Eat more fruits and veggies. Definitely skip those extra glasses of wine.  After 5 glasses (and 20 SP), no one looks attractive. There has to be commitment.  Set the alarm; maybe rip off the snooze button so it can't be used. Totally skip the donut case and go straight for the fruit and vegetables.  

What's causing that not to happen?  Fear?  Losing weight can be difficult for some, especially if the struggle has been the entire life.  Don't even mention body image.  From a young age, I battled with my body image.  It got worse as I got older to the point I didn't like looking in the mirror.  But once I made the commitment to better myself and become healthier, the fear lessened.  Before I started Weight Watchers this last time, that brought me to success, I had been a perpetual member.  Joining, losing maybe 5-10 lbs, then quitting.  My mind, I suppose, wasn't ready for complete lifestyle change. That is until my health intervened and said we had no choice.  There was the commitment to lose weight and become healthier, or commit to die.  

I will admit I am a creature of habit.  However, I embraced the changes I needed to make in order to live the rest of my life.  But I won't lie, it was difficult navigating through the early stages to get there.  The early change was fast and furious.  So much I didn't stop to take time to embrace it.  This time around, the change is somewhat tough and slow.   I have always had a fear of failure that the weight would find its way back.  And the fear has come to fruition.  I feel my commitment this time around is not as strong.  I need to find out why.  

In this commitment-phobic world, it's so easy to abandon something fear of failure at it.  If I truly wan to lose this weight I put back on, then my commitment must be steadfast and strong.  There are days I feel like giving up.  I have felt discouraged lately.  But if I gave up, what would that say? Who would win?  

Not sure why I can't wrap my head around it again like before.  Is it because I've become too comfortable?  Too relaxed?  There are days I am not honest with myself.  The old adage and anecdote, If no one sees you eat it, then it didn't count, crosses my mind.  I eat things I shouldn't.  Mainly on Sunday after the meeting.  

I do not fear commitment.  I welcome commitment; in relationships - whether with another person or myself.  At this moment, it appears I have to be committed to myself.  If you didn't read, I have abandoned my dating blog and the idea of finding love altogether.  So right now, I am committed to myself.  So what is the next strategy?  Commit to walk 5 miles in the morning. Not 4.5 or 4.75.  Not enough to get my 10k steps.  Commit to NO MORE chocolate.  Yes, I ate chocolate on Sundays.  

Commitment.  It's a dangerous word.  But if it's embraced, it can be your friend.  Reality can grow from promises.   

Christina