Side attractions are just that....side attractions. But sometimes you just want to set up camp and stay awhile

There are some trips where the side attractions are just as fascinating and alluring as the main destination.  But they are just side attractions.  They are to make the miles and miles of road to that wonderful bed and breakfast or beach less of a chore and more of a wonderful journey.  

These last few weeks I felt like I lost my map and got pulled into several side attractions.  Lost my map on the 100 mile journey and just decided to cop a squat.  I was so close to my happy number too. But now I am a little farther than I'd like.  How could I have let that happen?  Holidays are a BIG side attraction.  Christmas for me, specifically.  Then add dating, whew! It's like the main attraction just disappeared.  Cookies, nights out, candy, those things that send me flying!  Snacks, and more snacks. It's as if I just abandoned the Weight Watcher program altogether.  Threw it out the window hearing it plop on the ground.

This time around, I have found it harder to get back on the main road.  Harder to mean what I say and say what I mean.  Harder to track.  Clothes are tighter. Ugh!! That's how I know just how bad those side attractions were.  I've been told that everyone deals with this.  And while I take some comfort in that, it's happening to me.  I, who received the golden key to lifetime after losing 202 lbs and said they would never come back, am struggling now yet again.  I could blame it on my walking buddy moving away and abandoning me.  I could blame it on the fact I don't have a compatible phone.  But I know those are not the truths.  My friends still think what I did was amazing.  An awesome accomplishment.  But my mother, in all her sneaky eye looks, and nosy ways, I think can tell I haven't been as strict and maintained as I should.  I just tell her, yeah, I'm doing good.  Up and down a little here and there, but good.  Ha!  If she knew the real reason.

So where do I go now?  I would think the pavement on the 100 mile journey is worn down from so many travelers.  There was a time a couple of months ago I saw the light at the end of the road. Showing me I was almost there.  Then I veered off and the road looked like this.

I realize I am strong enough to know what it takes to get back on the straight and narrow.  I know that it would take just a few weeks to get back to where the light was shining at the end of the road, beckoning me to the main destination.   Have I lost all direction?  I need the fuel to get back on the road so I can arrive in a timely manner.  I sometimes think I need side blinders.  You know the kind you see on horses when they race.  Did I ever mention what my grandma used to say when we'd go to the mall?  I was young, overweight, but young....say around 10.  We'd pass by the food court and she'd say "Close your eyes and hold your nose."   I can't close my eyes entirely, but I could hold my nose.

Yes those side attractions are nice, sometimes sparkly.  And we should  stop and check them out.  But then get back in the car and get back on the road.

Finish the week strong! And oh lord, keep each other strong and on point next week! For it's heart day!

The magic wand is lost.........and I need a life coach

Where is a fairy god mother when you need her?  The one that waves her magic wand while singing Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo!  If she could transform Cinderella into the princess that was loved and envied by everyone, surely her wand could send me back to that magical number.  The number that made me feel like a princess.  

I over indulged during the holidays.  "Happy weight" as someone called it.  That's right......there's a man in my life.  Hop over to my other blog Dating and Afraid to read more. Can't I be happy without adding weight to the emotion?  A glass of wine here, one there, and dinners out.  Before that was Christmas.  I seemed to have thrown everything I know about making healthier choices out the window these last two weeks.

And because of that, I am a bit farther away from my goal, that magical number I reached last year.  I have faith I will get there before the spring.  I have to.  As Cinderella's fairy godmother said, "If you'd lost all faith, I wouldn't be here."  I'll continue going to my meetings because I haven't lost faith in losing the weight again.  The "happy weight" or as I call it, boyfriend weight.  And I'm thankful Weight Watchers will gladly help me.  

I am still struggling with the mental/psychology of it all.  It's only been a year since I reached a goal I hadn't really planned on reaching.  I thought last year was a year of adjustment.  And now with some of it going back on, I now struggle with other mental worries.  Will I ever reach that number again? Will WW ever be free for me again?  How could I go from someone who tracked everything and stayed away from most sweets to who I am now?  Did I get so comfortable after I lost 202 lbs. that food became my friend again?

I have a confession and as much as I don't want to make it known publicly, here goes.  Last week I was supposed to have dinner with this man.  I planned on making soup since it was cold.  I bought cookies for dessert...mainly for him in case he wanted one. Giddiness overcame me. I should have left them in the store. Dinner was postponed a day but the damage had already been done.  By the end of the day all 12 cookies were gone!  I know!  That meant I'd have to buy some more.  Prime example of why I stay away from sweets.  And why people do not understand.  So I had the cookies just sitting there and staring at me.  Sure I could have gone for a walk or made the apartment cleaner, but that didn't happen.  I had one cookie, then it became 2, so on and so on.  I cannot have just one!  Where was that magic wand then?

Today is a new day.  A new day to track seriously and reaffirm my faith in losing the weight and being a point where I can maintain.  It wouldn't hurt to have Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo on standby.

Y'all have a great week!  Spread a little glitter around!
Christina 

So have you started them yet? Better get out a pen and paper

"Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one!"

Okay, so there is basically 2 weeks left until it starts all over again.  But they will go faster than you can blink.  Look how fast Christmas arrived just from Thanksgiving!  So, grab a pen and paper. Get a head start on them now.  Okay, take a day or two to brainstorm about what will go on the paper.

I was so happy last year when, for the first time, in a very long time, "lose weight" did not appear on my list of "resolutions."  Nor was the phrase "exercise more."  If you ask my mom, she might say I need to "exercise less."  Ha!  I was thinking of things I'd like to do this next year.  Unfortunately, lose weight makes an appearance.  Maybe I should say "get back to goal."  I am just 10 pounds away from the top of my range and not having to pay!  Let's pray I don't slip and slide!  Once I get back to that number, I am doing my VERY best not to leave.  

So, get back to goal is on my list, but so are a few other non-related weight things.  However, if I think about it, these things are somewhat weight related.....to me.  My former self would not have wanted to do these things.  Could not have done these things.  It's like the 6 degrees of..... game. Almost always, it all leads back to a successful weight loss journey.  I thought I'd share with you some of the things on my 2017 To Do list.  

Get back to goal has already been covered.....and ad nauseam I think.  

1. Participate in a 5k/month.  I had planned on doing that last year with my walking buddy, but didn't get around to it, then she moved.....yeah, that was a hard moment in my life. Plus I was out of work. So in 2017, I want to do a 5k a month.  I think I have found a buddy to do them with me.  Is a marathon on my list?  Maybe....but 2018.  I need to train a little more.  I am only walking half of what I used to walk (partly due to full time job) so I will need to train a little harder. 

2. Take a cooking class.  Just because it sounds fun.  I found a place just up the road that has cooking classes for the common people.  Nothing too fancy or too gourmet.  I have recruited two of my funny and fab neighbors to come along for the ride.  If anything, we'll cook for each other.  

3. Look into dance lessons.  So I watched a movie a few weeks back can't remember the name.  Had Richard Gere and J Lo in it.  A dance move.  Although learning how to two step sounds fun and probably a more logical choice, I would like to learn a more elegant way to dance.  Not that anyone will ask me to go dancing, just something to do.  You never know......new people to meet.  

4. Take a pole dancing class.  What?!  Yep a pole a dancing class.  For fitness reasons of course.  I know a friend who takes one and she loves it.  Again, I recruited a couple of my neighbors to come along with me so all three of us can make fools of ourselves.  But it'd be a new form of activity and I hear it's very good for you.  

5.  I resurrected my old bike earlier this year, but unfortunately it had to go into rehab.  Needs new tires, a new seat, and goodness knows what else.  But I'd like to make it like new again and start riding.  

6. Read up on how to really eat clean.  Yes, I eat clean MOST OF THE TIME but not exclusively.  I think that would help me with the cravings I sometimes have.  I want to really learn to honor my body and treat it well.  I want it to be around for a very long time.  If that means learning to eat things I've never tried before, then so be it.  I'm sure there'll be a few yuks! now and then. 

Starting January 1, 2017, I have a new book to write.  Crisp, white never been written on pages.  It's exciting to think how it will start and end, and all the things in the middle.  This past year, I have to come realize and accept, was a year of adjusting.  Like many, I reached lifetime and at a weight I haven't seen in, well many many years.  My mind checked out and I was desperately looking for something (or someone) to grab hold of to pull me back up.  All these things above ARE weight related in some fashion.  

I hope each one of my readers, friends, followers, and fellow Weight Watchers has a More than Merry Christmas and a Fantastical New Year!!  Mine of course will be GlitterAllTheWeigh!!!

Get excited about this new 365 page book!  

Sometimes all that is needed is to be understood

As I was trying to think of a quote to start out this blog, I clicked on You Tube.  You Tube suggests videos for you to watch.  I like the singer Sara Bareilles and her song Brave. But there is  song by her that just spoke to me and helped me inspire to write this blog.  You can watch and listen to it here: Used to Be Mine

I went to pieces last week when I put on just .4 lbs.  Not sure why I went to pieces and wanted to thrown in the towel......oh wait, yes I do.  Besides the Visitor being here, that .4 was just what I needed to cry and pout and maybe resign myself that I will never get back to my goal weight.  I stood there trying to listen to the leader who was trying so hard to comfort and encourage me.  Maybe the scale was trying to tell me this is where I needed to be....needed to stop.  I know it should be about more than just that black and white number on the scale, but it will always be a number to me.

People may not understand why I get up with the chickens to get my 10,000 steps in before work.  I had a friend of mine comment that the 13 miles (average) I used to walk daily was insane.  My response to him was I do it so at the end of the day I know I've done everything I can to prevent the weight (however small it might be) from creeping back on.

I know there are some that don't truly understand why I don't eat certain things.  I gave up many things when I was diagnosed diabetic and doing without them just became habit.  The vices I once had (the Diet Cokes, pizza, chips, etc.) are now replaced with healthier vices.  I do my best to eat cleanly and my vices now are apples and berries.   I realize we're supposed to indulge a little; have that ice cream or a pizza if we want.  That is what some do not understand about me.  There is a logical reason.  I choose not to eat those things because they are triggers for me.  That's why I don't eat cookies (try my best not to), cake, or candy.  If I have ONE cookie, I'll want another because one cookie is lonely without a mate.  So if I have 2, why not make it a triple.......you get the picture.  An example, the basket of overflowing leftover Halloween candy a few weeks ago at the office......I thought I could have a small box of Nerds candies.  I had one, then two, then two became three.

When I reached goal and then received the lifetime status, I wanted that weight to be so far gone it would disappear in the distance.  I think I will always have THAT fear of it coming back.  I realize it's supposed to "beyond the scale" and while this is a process, I wish people would understand that, to me, just a 5 pound gain scares me to death.  It means it's 5 pounds closer to a number I don't want.  And if I'm closer to a number fear, that means, all 375 pounds creeping back on is not far behind.

That most days I don't recognize me.......It's not easy to know I'm not anything like I used to be.....I still remember that girl.....She is gone but she used to be mine....It's not what I asked for....

I know the the eyebrows are furrowing and thinking, she didn't ask to lose weight?  There are STILL days I wake up and after I get dressed don't even recognize me.  But when a few pounds come back, I am reminded of the girl I used to be.  It's a frightening thing.  It's hard to understand unless one has experienced it for themselves.  What I didn't ask for was all the difficulties of maintaining this weight, the psychology of it all.  I know it comes with the territory, just wish it was easier.  But then again, life is not always fair....but that's another blog for another day.

She is imperfect, but she tries......she is good but she lies.......she is hard on herself....she is broken and won't ask for help.....she is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.  A healthy pie!

There are days I don't track EVERYTHING I stick in my mouth.  I am way too hard on myself.  If I don't get my 5-6 miles in (or my 10,000 steps) I feel unproductive.  But that's what makes everyone unique.  The way a weight loss journey is handled.  And it helps if it's understood by people and like my non-existent dating life, if they just nod and say okay.

Have a great week!  Oh, update:  When I weighed in this past week, I lost 2.2 lbs.  Bust through that number I was stuck on.  Now if I can keep the momentum to reach the goal by the new year!

Christina

Always stay Humble and Kind

"When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you, when the work you put in is realized, let yourself feel the pride but always stay humble and kind.......Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why: Bitterness keeps you from flyin'....always stay humble and kind.........When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around and help the next one in line always stay humble and kind." 

Some of you may be scratching your heads. Wait, what does a Tim McGraw song have to do with Weight Watchers and weight loss.  The more I listen to this song, the more I like it.  A song almost always starts out as a true story or inspiration, etc.  And you know me, I can get inspiration from the strangest of things and places.  

I feel like I am on my way back to being in control.  I worked hard recently and lost almost 4½ lbs.  I stared the homemade cake and pies, macaroni and cheese, and left over Halloween candy (brought to the office almost a month late!) in the eye and said you're not worth it.  Okay, so I didn't actually say it, but you know what I mean.  And I reaped the rewards when I stepped on the scale.  It's all part of getting back to goal....that oh so wonderful number.  

No, I'm not saying any one of my readers/followers is not humble and kind.  I used not to really want to tell people how much I have lost.  But at the same time, I was amazed at the looks on peoples' faces when I did tell them.  I find myself now, telling people freely.....the delivery man from Jimmy Johns when he delivers sandwiches to our office just about every day.  My co-workers....whether they want to hear it or not (meant in a comical way).   And while I haven't lost my humbleness, I find myself telling people what I've done hoping for some kind of reaction.....some kind of sign that what I did was most important.   When I submitted my story to Weight Watchers (for the final time), of course I hoped that People would pick me.  But I am just one among thousands of people who have done the unthinkable, the almost unattainable.  I realized not having a magazine cover wouldn't take away the importance of what I did.  What I did for myself........healthier self.  

It almost always starts out as a dream.  The dream to lose 20, 40, 60, 100 pounds.  I started with a dream long ago, but when I was diagnosed with diabetes it was more of a will to live and live healthier.  To say I never dreamt of losing 100 pounds, let alone 200, would be a lie.  I did dream....long long ago.  Reaching my goal was something I worked so hard to achieve.  At the same time, I didn't quite know how to feel proud of myself.  It wasn't until I finished my first half marathon and ran across the finish line that I realized how proud I should be......of myself.

I believe it now when Weight Watcher life timers say that maintenance is harder than losing the weight.  I believe.....I believe!!  It's been a somewhat of a rocky road back to where I belong.  And at times I've held a grudge against this weight that keeps hanging on.  But if I hold a grudge, then it's almost like I'm letting the weight stay.  

I am told quite often that I am an inspiration to others.  Maybe silently being an inspiration (and sometimes offering advice and supportive words) is my way of staying humble and kind to "the next one in line."  There is always someone behind us traveling the same journey.  Just like on the roadways when a stranger stops to help another stranger, everyone should turn around and help those that appear to be struggling.  

Like Thanksgiving 2016, I am thankful of my journey and where it has led me.  I am thankful that I found great friends and supporters that know where I have been, where I'm going, and where I am now.  As I carefully lay out my strategy of Thursday and the Thanksgiving feast, I will stare the cheesecake and homemade cornbread dressing (made famous by my mom) and say you're not worth it.   I will go for a walk after dinner before heading out with my mom to Michael's as our Thanksgiving tradition continues.  

Gobble Gobble!  Happy Thanksgiving!

There's a bit of Dorothy in all of us

Ahh... The Wizard of Oz.  There are two quotes quite famous, and personally faves of mine.  "You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."  "There's no place like home." But as I was "googling" these quotes, I saw another one that goes along with my blog.  "It's always best to start at the beginning. And all you do is follow the yellow brick road."

I've been out of touch lately.  I was meandering around missing a weigh in here and there.  Not attending meetings like I should.  I told myself I needed to revamp, recharge and maybe find another meeting.  I'll be the first to admit it....I do NOT adapt to change well. But this is a change I needed.  A change to recharge, get me excited about what I've done, what I need to do to stay here and how to get back to my goal.

I have been struggling with getting back to my goal that I reached last December.   Sometimes I think did I really reach that number.  I did......as my friend Charline says, "it's documented!"  My problem(s) (some days it's more than one) is that I haven't been committed to tracking.  I will track breakfast, which is easy, and mostly lunch, but then forget about the rest of the day.  I tell myself, friends, and type it on this screen that I need to track better.  I need to track everything.  Well, that old adage of saying "Easier said than done" is TRUE!   A glimmer of a gold star is that my walking hasn't suffered.  Much.

There's no place like home.  I must confess, and some of you have heard this, but I wasn't at Lifetime very long before some of the weight found its way back.  So, why would I call the goal I reached "home?"  It's a number that was almost unattainable until a year or so ago.  It's a number that is far away from another number I crave so desperately to stay away from.  I sometimes think if I could just click my heels 3 times and utter those magic words, the scales would show that number.  But then what would that teach me.

It took me a while to realize I had the power to improve myself, lose the weight and become healthier.  With the help of Weight Watchers and some amazing supporters, If found the power and have changed my lifestyle for good.  Sometimes part of me wonders if my body is happy at the number I continue to hover.  But the "home" number looked so good.  Then I think because of the power and determination, I reached that number.  As my leader told me (and she is so wise), it seems I'm obsessing over something I so don't want to happen; so much that I am navigating towards it. Instead put my mind in a new focus and mindset with the number I want to be and I will navigate towards it.

As it was for Dorothy, it's not easy to follow the yellow brick road.  But she never stopped trying to get home, dodging the wicket witch and flying monkeys.  So if I stick to my yellow brick road and keep my eye on home, I'll eventually make it.  Okay, so there's wizard to make the weight come off easy, but Weight Watchers helps to show me I've had the power to change.   I don't always like the scale.  But it takes real courage to step on the scale and face whatever fear that are there.

I finally took a step back and cleared my head.  The power has been with me all along.  I grow stronger every day on my journey down the yellow brick road.  There's going to be flying monkeys and wicked witches along the way.   I don't often take time to realize how far down the yellow brick road I've already come.

Sure, there are days when I wish I could click my heels and be taken back to January of 2015.  When I received the coveted gold key to Lifetime.  I'll eventually get there again.  Dorothy will be there, along with my other wonderful supporters, to help me.

I have started tracking once again, both online and on paper.   Just another step to getting home.

Y'all have a great week and enjoy your own journey down the yellow brick road.

Christina

After all tomorrow is another day.......

"I can't think about that today.  I"ll think about that tomorrow.  After all tomorrow is another day." Ahh, our dear friend Scarlett.  The eternal southern girl, girlie girl, and sometimes downright vengeful.  But she is loved!  

I have said that too many times.  It's an easy thing to think and say.  I said it BWW (Before Weight Watchers) when I was heavier.  It was easy.  Saying "I'll think about that tomorrow" somehow let me off the hook of something staring me in the face.  It was sort of like a doctor's note saying it was okay to eat whatever I was going to eat.  

I still say it today.  And like before, it's when I've stumbled and been run off the main path.  How funny is it that those words are uttered when I've had a bad day?  I've either eaten something I'm really not supposed to eat or not tracked.  I fear I'm falling  back in to some old habits.  Okay, maybe new "old" habits.  I shouldn't be saying "I'll think about that tomorrow" unless I'm thinking about what to wear, where I'm going, or what to do on a weekend.  

So, I have been losing the same 5-7 pounds over and over it seems.  Why can't I get the ball rolling and get back to that happy number?  Yes, I know the number shouldn't matter.  But I've talked about this and I would hope you would understand where I'm coming from.  You have been in that place too, you know. The fear of what I've lost is finding its "weigh" back.  Fifteen of its friends did.  Food has become too comfortable lately.  I can blame it on dating or being stuck at home until recently, but truly and honestly, it's just become too comfortable.  I can start the day out strong and last until lunch time.  The spiral happens after lunch and once I get home.  I'm over the Chex Mix obsession....THANK GOODNESS!  But there are things just as bad looming around in the pantry or at my local HEB.  

If I give in to the spiral, it's because I've told myself let's think about this tomorrow.  This!  Oh, the fact I have shamefully put on 15 pounds since reaching goal.  I realize it happens to "everyone." Although I'm not sure who "everyone" is sometimes.  I've chatted with a few lifetimers, goal reachers who are struggling just like me.  Wonder if they "think about that tomorrow?"  

I challenged myself a week or so ago to track everything that went in my mouth.  I fell short of the challenge.  Not sure what's the cause or what I can blame it on.  Where is the me who oh so diligently tracked everything and turned her nose up at cookies, chocolate chips, and other not so diet friendly foods?  Where is the me who couldn't wait to get out (even with the chickens) and walk?  

Apparently Scarlett swept her away into the world of "Let's think about that tomorrow."  I am still a very different person than I was 3 years ago, goodness, even 2 years ago.   Am I living the life I so desperately wanted?  Um....I would say yes with a few exceptions.  For someone who is bull headed and doesn't adapt to change all that well, Scarlett's infamous words have become all too common in my vocabulary.  

So, I vow, I have said that famous quote for the last time.  From this point forward, there will be no circumstances for me to utter those words......well, I should say circumstances involving weight loss or food.  Since the arrival of these 15 little pound visitors, I have been bound and determined to get them off.  I still am.  Focus, Focus, Focus!! I can do this!  I can lose those stubborn 15 pounds.  

I am a lifetimer for goodness sakes!  Lifetimers do not "Think about that tomorrow."