It's story time..........where's your book?!

I'm sure memories of mom, dad, and even grandma and grandpa telling stories (most of the time made up) are still alive.  My grandmother knew the story of the Teeny Tiny Woman by heart.  She lived in a Teeny Tiny House and.....oh, where was I?!  Yes, it's story time, but a different kind.  Find a comfortable spot, maybe turn down the light, grab that book that you love so much.  You know which one I'm talking about. Maybe it has many volumes or it's the first of a series.  Are the edges tattered? Frayed?  Or maybe they are still looking brand new.  

My book has many chapters.  About 10 I think.  It's non-fiction and unlike most stories or books, where the climax usually happens in the middle, the excitement starts with Chapter One.  It had been building over the years.  And the pages are waterlogged and crinkly.  The cover has come off a few chapters.  But I wouldn't trade it in for the world.  Would you?  There is no end to jump ahead to.  In fact, there is no end.  A member of my Weight Watcher meeting had a great description.  Her book was like a book that gave you choices, if you choose this path, continue with this story.  I thought that was a great way to look at it.  In a way, this blog I keep is my book.  Feel free to reread some of the chapters.  

Before I go on, here's a little tid bit most of you do not know.  I have written a true book.  A love story.  No, it's not been published, although I'd like for it to be.  A love, happily ever after story. When I wrote it and typed it, we were still in the age of "floppy" discs - the 3.5 kind!  I know!  Well, something happened with the disc and I lost everything I had written up to that point. I was devastated.  I ended up REWRITING the entire thing.  So now you know something about me. Maybe one of these days it will be in the book stores and you can say "I know that girl!  She has accomplished great things!"

The beginning of this book started long before I was diagnosed with diabetes, before I accomplished this great feat and started this blog.   The other day I looked back at the first chapter.  First chapter of what was going to be an awesome journey!  Maybe the name should be "Chapter One: Weight Watchers, here I come."  I am in awe of how my book looks.  I remember emotions I felt at certain points.  Like the day before my 20th HS reunion and emotions ran high as I had lost 41 lbs.  More than I had aimed for.  Or the night I joined Weight Watchers (before the hospital visit) and cried after stepping on the scale because I had not reached 400 lbs. And how about the day I reached both goals. The first one losing 180 lbs.  Then the second one losing 202 lbs!  

Would I rewrite my book?  I don't think so.  For a minute, I thought I might.  But then I wouldn't be the person I am today.  I wouldn't be a strong, empowered and determined woman if I had not gone through what I did.  I may not be the person who enjoys 5ks or looks forward to Thursday night yoga. As I have seen posted and written many times, life doesn't happen by accident.  If I rewrote my book, would I have still me being diagnosed with diabetes.  Umm.....that's a hard one.  Maybe, maybe not. Although I was headed in a downward spiral if I hadn't done something, being diagnosed with diabetes saved my life.  That would be Chapter 8: Diabetes - Friend or foe"  It ended up being my friend.  

This book will never end.  It sort of reminds me of when the meeting leader handed out journals every week for members to record in. Each week she would pick them up and recirculate them. Each of us adds on to this book.  A personal touch is added.  It will never be completed.   

Where are you in your book?  Are you just starting? Or have you gone back and thought of how you felt at certain points?  Is it decorated?  Keep it close by and hopefully it will be one to go back to time and time again.  Only to reread. Not to rewrite.  

Have an awesome weekend.....

I'll be sprinkling Glitter all the Weigh!

Christina 

We are the face of Weight Watchers.....We are Weight Watchers

For those who have just begun this awesome healthy journey or have been on it for awhile, there is a final resting place for our former selves.  The event that changed my life was so scary, so matter of fact.  I felt like I was in the last quarter of the game and I had one chance to score. This is our past, fellow Weight Watchers.  How we got here is different, yet the same.  We have walked in each other's shoes.  This is who we are....Today.  I want to talk about the opponent.  They're salty, sweet, chocolaty, and in a box / package, they look much better.  And they know it too.  But let me tell you something they don't know.  They don't know your will power.  You do.  I do.  You have shown it may times, inspiring others along the way. Friends, family, and leaders have seen it. Celebrating every small victory with you! Shown yourselves just exactly who you are.  How committed - how strong you have become.  

There will be times when being benched is the way to go.  When that happens, cheer on the teammates, encourage them to give it all they've got.  Offer support and guidance to those that fear they'll throw the game.  

When you step on that scale, feel proud of what you've done.  Own up to any slips.  With every ounce of courage in your body, lay it on the line until the scale registers the final number.  If you do that, you cannot lose (speaking figuratively of course!).  We may be behind on the scale at the end of the day but work the program, and defeat will not show its face.  There are those who are the biggest supporters but cannot be on the journey, but they watch from where they are.  You can bet they'll be clapping and smiling with every pound lost.  How you (and I) work the program, from this moment on, is how we will succeed.  Will inspire.  This is an opportunity to rise up and grab those Weight Watcher charms!  

We are....Weight Watchers!  We are....powerful!  WE are.....the many faces of Weight Watchers! 

And it doesn't hurt to have poms poms full of glitter!  

Christina 

When it feels so right and like the first time

So I weighed in on Sunday (skipped last week since it was Easter) and lost 1.4 lbs.  I was hoping to lose a little more to get back to Onderland; but that just means my arrival in Onderland will be next week.  I've been missing Onderland so much.  Not sure if something in Twoterville was beckoning me to visit, but I'm ready to go back home.  

For some reason, an Alabama song was in my head.  So was a Foreigner song so I don't know what was going on.  

I have lost the last few weeks straight.....I think.  I think it's because I went back to the beginning...or am trying to get there.  I returned to my Sunday meetings and taking salads to work.  And it feels right.  I veered off the main path and thought I'd like a change.  Well, if anyone knows me well enough, they know I do not like change.  I worked hard to get to goal before the new Smart Points program, even though whether on maintenance or not, I'd have to learn to work it.

This is the first time I have actually cared to know how much I have lost/gained.  I wasn't looking at my number - not because it's not supposed to be about the number but because I didn't want to see how shameful I was going to be at myself - and that wasn't good.  I was in denial a little bit.  If I didn't look at that number, I could still play it off as being somewhat close to my number.  I couldn't seem to get out of the rut I was in.  And the rut got bigger and bigger.  I knew if I didn't do something I would soon lose control and land somewhere I didn't want to be.

So after my last relationship ended (hop over to my dating page to read more) I decided I had the time to focus on me again.  Put myself first.  Some mornings I would only walk half of what I normally did (5 miles) just so I could come in early to work.  I asked myself why?  I have always been told the work would still be here.  It has taken me a looong time to realize that.  It took a sit down with my supervising attorney for me to see that and to realize I'm a type A personality.  Me?  I never thought I was but apparently I am when it comes to my job.  So I walk my entire 5 miles (or until I get to my step goal for the day) and then I do a 10 minute circuit work out.  I am tracking again, even though I have to do it on the computer since I don't have the app, and sometimes it's hard to remember.  I've started prepping salads again.  It feels like the first time around when the weight was coming off.  I'm getting back to eating healthy.

I mentioned to my friend (and soul sister) that when I didn't eat the chocolate and snacky stuff, I feel much better.  Yet when I was in the rut, I would eat things I knew better.  I would have the chocolate, the pizza and not track it.  Looking at the points I have thinking, I have my weeklies and fit points left. When in reality, I probably was going through my weeklies on Sunday.  I wasn't being honest with myself.

I am committed to getting the weight of 2 boyfriends off and keeping it off.  I am focused on once I get to my happy number to learning how to maintain it.  Once I get back to that number, it will NEVER go back on.  I am committed to making sure of that.  Boyfriends come and go, but I will always be on this journey.  They can be passengers, but I am in the drivers seat.  And now that I am on the main path again, it feels so right, kind of like the first time.

I know I have now put Alabama and Foreigner in your heads!  Just roll with it!  And remember, have fun with this journey...add glitter all the weigh!

Christina 

There's no time to relax or have a vacation

So I seem to have gone on vacation and decided to check out.  I didn't mean to.  I don't have time for a vacation really.  This last month stress has settled in and become my best friend.  I have been so scared I will turn to stress eating.  Thankfully I stayed on track for the most part and steered the car straight home instead of letting it go auto pilot and head to the store.  And because of my hard work and tracking, I have lost close to 9-10 lbs in the last 2 weeks.  

A vacation is supposed to help recharge.  Recharge so work will be a little easier to handle.  Recharge when stress is in abundance.  This "vacation" I've been on did the opposite.  I was on vacation from my exercise/activity.  Vacation from making healthy choices.  I realized that there is no vacation from this lifestyle.  No vacation from maintaining a weight loss.  If you need recharging, as in losing a few pounds, then maybe go back to the very beginning.  That's what I've almost had to do.  

I knew I needed a recharge when my clothes started getting tight.  I was determined NOT to buy bigger clothes.  And I realized just because I wanted to change meetings times didn't mean it would suddenly help me.  It's all mental.  I have to take responsibility for the weight I put on while on vacation. 

When the weight first started to come off, I felt great.  I felt motivated.  I was tracking every day. So what did I use this time to recharge from the vacation?  After this last relationship ended I realized maybe I need to focus on me and get serious about getting back to my goal weight.  I let myself go all because there was a man interested in me.  So I got serious.  I made a point to walk twice every day. And there would be no straying.  

It paid off.  I liked seeing the results and knowing I am doing the right thing.  I have no time to relax. If I relax, so will my choices.  I have to be on guard at all times.  I do have a real vacation planned in May.  That's about a month from now.  There is no time for a vacation if I want to be close to my happy number by then.

I may never be able to take a "vacation."  For some it's easy.  But for me, if I take a vacation I end up enjoying the "vacation" food too much rather than the sights.  I have to come realize it will be this way for the rest of my life.  There will be times I need to recharge.    

Spring has sprung and soon summer nights will be knocking at the door.  If there is a vacation planned in your future, don't make it a vacation from wise choices.  Still have fun, just responsibly.                                                                                                                

When do you call 911?

There is a chocolate cake on the table.  Beside it is a phone with only the numbers 911 on it.  In big bold numbers.  The cake could be sugar free, low calorie, made of black beans and zucchini.  But right now it's a chocolate cake.  Eat cake or dial 911?!  

I have commented that the last year (and apparently part of this year) was an adjustment.  I snatched the Lifetime achievement and somehow put it on a shelf to collect dust.  That's not what you are supposed to do after accepting an award, a trophy.  But I did.  I put it on a shelf to look pretty and I went about my day.  The boyfriend weight was a lot harder to come off and now there's more.  The old me has been silently, sneakily, making her way back into my life.  This time, she left the pizza, burgers, and ice cream at home but just brought new stuff.  Just about every day I tell myself I will track, track, and track everything.  I will watch what I eat, not having anything out of my comfort zone.  

I have come close to dialing 911......figuratively.  Some may say, it's just so many pounds, but to me, it's a failure.  My clothes are tight again.  I hate that feeling.  The short little skirts I bought in black and navy are tight and make me look like two pigs in a blanket.  What happened to the woman who was going to kick the old me to the curb?  What happened to the woman who basked in losing 202 lbs. and starting a new life?  I'm here, just a little more of me.  I wish there was a 911 for those on a weight loss journey to call when they need help.  Sure, Weight Watchers has one, but I'm talking about a non-biased person, who knows very little about Weight Watchers.  I could pick up a phone and dial 911 and that person would answer on other end of the phone.  

The over indulgence over the holidays continued past January, breezed into February, and now we are in March.  I know if I work hard, stop eating the graham crackers, chocolate chips, etc. it will come off.  I want to polish off the Lifetime trophy and display it proudly.  Display it proudly by the phone with 911 on it.  To remind me if I somehow NEED it, I can dial 911 but if I think about it, I don't need to.  

People continue to tell me how amazing and inspiring what I achieved was.  Even the new man in my life realizes what a feat it was.  He thinks it's awesome I did that without surgery.  But I don't feel inspiring at the moment.  I feel defeated.  One thing I learned about myself is that I am competitive. When the weight showed up again, I felt like I had lost a race.  I was going to have to go back to the starting line and start all over.  I wanted to dial 911.  

I am sure if there was a 911 for those feeling defeated at weight loss, the person would say it's not too late.  Look how far you've come already.  You can keep your place in line just start from the beginning.  So that's what I'm going to do.  Try not to dial 911.  I will not buy bigger clothes.  So may pants may be tight for a while.  So it may be early fall 2017 when I can wear the skirts again.  Right now I need to keep from dialing 911.  

If this is your first time reading my blog and feel like you've started reading in the middle of a book, check out my "pilot" post here.  

Side attractions are just that....side attractions. But sometimes you just want to set up camp and stay awhile

There are some trips where the side attractions are just as fascinating and alluring as the main destination.  But they are just side attractions.  They are to make the miles and miles of road to that wonderful bed and breakfast or beach less of a chore and more of a wonderful journey.  

These last few weeks I felt like I lost my map and got pulled into several side attractions.  Lost my map on the 100 mile journey and just decided to cop a squat.  I was so close to my happy number too. But now I am a little farther than I'd like.  How could I have let that happen?  Holidays are a BIG side attraction.  Christmas for me, specifically.  Then add dating, whew! It's like the main attraction just disappeared.  Cookies, nights out, candy, those things that send me flying!  Snacks, and more snacks. It's as if I just abandoned the Weight Watcher program altogether.  Threw it out the window hearing it plop on the ground.

This time around, I have found it harder to get back on the main road.  Harder to mean what I say and say what I mean.  Harder to track.  Clothes are tighter. Ugh!! That's how I know just how bad those side attractions were.  I've been told that everyone deals with this.  And while I take some comfort in that, it's happening to me.  I, who received the golden key to lifetime after losing 202 lbs and said they would never come back, am struggling now yet again.  I could blame it on my walking buddy moving away and abandoning me.  I could blame it on the fact I don't have a compatible phone.  But I know those are not the truths.  My friends still think what I did was amazing.  An awesome accomplishment.  But my mother, in all her sneaky eye looks, and nosy ways, I think can tell I haven't been as strict and maintained as I should.  I just tell her, yeah, I'm doing good.  Up and down a little here and there, but good.  Ha!  If she knew the real reason.

So where do I go now?  I would think the pavement on the 100 mile journey is worn down from so many travelers.  There was a time a couple of months ago I saw the light at the end of the road. Showing me I was almost there.  Then I veered off and the road looked like this.

I realize I am strong enough to know what it takes to get back on the straight and narrow.  I know that it would take just a few weeks to get back to where the light was shining at the end of the road, beckoning me to the main destination.   Have I lost all direction?  I need the fuel to get back on the road so I can arrive in a timely manner.  I sometimes think I need side blinders.  You know the kind you see on horses when they race.  Did I ever mention what my grandma used to say when we'd go to the mall?  I was young, overweight, but young....say around 10.  We'd pass by the food court and she'd say "Close your eyes and hold your nose."   I can't close my eyes entirely, but I could hold my nose.

Yes those side attractions are nice, sometimes sparkly.  And we should  stop and check them out.  But then get back in the car and get back on the road.

Finish the week strong! And oh lord, keep each other strong and on point next week! For it's heart day!

The magic wand is lost.........and I need a life coach

Where is a fairy god mother when you need her?  The one that waves her magic wand while singing Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo!  If she could transform Cinderella into the princess that was loved and envied by everyone, surely her wand could send me back to that magical number.  The number that made me feel like a princess.  

I over indulged during the holidays.  "Happy weight" as someone called it.  That's right......there's a man in my life.  Hop over to my other blog Dating and Afraid to read more. Can't I be happy without adding weight to the emotion?  A glass of wine here, one there, and dinners out.  Before that was Christmas.  I seemed to have thrown everything I know about making healthier choices out the window these last two weeks.

And because of that, I am a bit farther away from my goal, that magical number I reached last year.  I have faith I will get there before the spring.  I have to.  As Cinderella's fairy godmother said, "If you'd lost all faith, I wouldn't be here."  I'll continue going to my meetings because I haven't lost faith in losing the weight again.  The "happy weight" or as I call it, boyfriend weight.  And I'm thankful Weight Watchers will gladly help me.  

I am still struggling with the mental/psychology of it all.  It's only been a year since I reached a goal I hadn't really planned on reaching.  I thought last year was a year of adjustment.  And now with some of it going back on, I now struggle with other mental worries.  Will I ever reach that number again? Will WW ever be free for me again?  How could I go from someone who tracked everything and stayed away from most sweets to who I am now?  Did I get so comfortable after I lost 202 lbs. that food became my friend again?

I have a confession and as much as I don't want to make it known publicly, here goes.  Last week I was supposed to have dinner with this man.  I planned on making soup since it was cold.  I bought cookies for dessert...mainly for him in case he wanted one. Giddiness overcame me. I should have left them in the store. Dinner was postponed a day but the damage had already been done.  By the end of the day all 12 cookies were gone!  I know!  That meant I'd have to buy some more.  Prime example of why I stay away from sweets.  And why people do not understand.  So I had the cookies just sitting there and staring at me.  Sure I could have gone for a walk or made the apartment cleaner, but that didn't happen.  I had one cookie, then it became 2, so on and so on.  I cannot have just one!  Where was that magic wand then?

Today is a new day.  A new day to track seriously and reaffirm my faith in losing the weight and being a point where I can maintain.  It wouldn't hurt to have Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo on standby.

Y'all have a great week!  Spread a little glitter around!
Christina