Apologies for the tardiness in posting this. Along with trial prep, I needed to think of the words I wanted to use. Yes, this blog is about my journey, but I want the words to be understood and relatable.
Is there someone in your life that you can tell anything to and they will almost always agree with you? I have two people like that. And this week while walking the trails on Trail Tuesday, never have I been in sync with one of them more than on this day. The conversation that followed what I said to her was nothing short of amazing.
Is there someone in your life that you can tell anything to and they will almost always agree with you? I have two people like that. And this week while walking the trails on Trail Tuesday, never have I been in sync with one of them more than on this day. The conversation that followed what I said to her was nothing short of amazing.
Have you ever wondered why some people ask you certain questions? Why ask how you are if they don't really care to know? By no means am I saying that people aren't sensitive or actually want to know how you're doing. So some of you may gasp at what I write next and others might have a light bulb go off in their head and say, I know the feeling! I mentioned to my trail buddy that it occurred to me that when I give people a Cliff's Notes version of my story and end it with how much I have lost, the first question out of their mouth - after they pick their jaw up off the ground - is "You must feel great!" Well, I suppose it's not a question but a statement but it's conveyed that way. Now, on the other side of that coin are those that know me that may ask "Do you feel better?" You may be thinking, what's the difference? Well, my friends and support team know me and what my journey has been like. But it's those people that don't know you......the strangers.
I must feel great. Now, I suppose that may be the only question/statement that comes to mind when they've just heard how much I have lost. Maybe they think they'd insult me or offend me if they asked how I did it or how long it took to lose it. But to assume I must feel great baffles me. And this is why:
Happiness of one's self is a personal journey and story. Who are these people saying I must feel anything? They didn't know me when I was at my heaviest. My friend said she was looking on my facebook page the other day and saw older photos of me. She said I was smiling in all of them. For all she or the strangers knew, I could have felt great back then or was happy. It's almost like a mandated emotion I'm supposed to feel. They do not know the story behind the weight loss.
I've mentioned this to several of my friends, mostly the new ones......the ones that have heard my story in bits along the way. They tend to agree with me. I don't want you to think you can't say anything like that to me. We know each other and I have allowed you into my thoughts and on this personal journey. When someone I don't even know says a comment like that, this is what I would like to say:
Why must I feel great? Honestly, I feel ashamed that I betrayed my body and let my weight get as high as it did. I am embarrassed that I didn't stay on track all those years ago after I lost 93 pounds to maintain that loss. And further, to be truthful, when I was my heaviest and would eat junk food like the world was ending, after the initial food high, I felt sick. So, no I do not feel great. Do they really know what it takes to lose 200 pounds to know how great I should feel? Do they realize the struggle is real and it's a forever thing? Do they? In order for them to say I must feel great.
There are days I feel tired from this "fight mode" as my friend Laura calls it. I have no one to blame for this fight mode that I am in but me. This transformation and journey has been anything but easy and not so great in the beginning. Do they realize what it takes for me to crawl out of bed 6 days a week at 4:30 a.m. and walk 6 miles before the sun comes up? And do it all over again before it goes down. I write down everything (okay, just about everything) I eat. I will always journal what I eat. I am in a battle that will last a lifetime. There is a fear in me that I will put some of the weight back on.
This is a personal journey and my emotions are nothing short of a whirlwind. Yes, I feel great after I walk 6, 8, or 10+ miles. Yes I feel great when I work hard during the week and I reap the rewards on Sunday morning. I feel great when I eat healthy and my body thanks me. But I feel great because I want to. Not because someone tells me I must feel great.
The only thing we must be able to do is this journey our way. If anything, we must be able to experience all kinds of emotions. We can feel great one day, but also feel sad or frustrated the next. For me, and most of us, it's a continuing journey. I'll be forever transforming and discovering things about myself and this lifestyle. No one should be told they must feel anything. Our emotions are just that.....our emotions. Feel great because you want to!
Have a great week! If you're new to my blog, don't forget me. It may be a wild ride.....a wild glittery ride!
Happiness of one's self is a personal journey and story. Who are these people saying I must feel anything? They didn't know me when I was at my heaviest. My friend said she was looking on my facebook page the other day and saw older photos of me. She said I was smiling in all of them. For all she or the strangers knew, I could have felt great back then or was happy. It's almost like a mandated emotion I'm supposed to feel. They do not know the story behind the weight loss.
I've mentioned this to several of my friends, mostly the new ones......the ones that have heard my story in bits along the way. They tend to agree with me. I don't want you to think you can't say anything like that to me. We know each other and I have allowed you into my thoughts and on this personal journey. When someone I don't even know says a comment like that, this is what I would like to say:
Why must I feel great? Honestly, I feel ashamed that I betrayed my body and let my weight get as high as it did. I am embarrassed that I didn't stay on track all those years ago after I lost 93 pounds to maintain that loss. And further, to be truthful, when I was my heaviest and would eat junk food like the world was ending, after the initial food high, I felt sick. So, no I do not feel great. Do they really know what it takes to lose 200 pounds to know how great I should feel? Do they realize the struggle is real and it's a forever thing? Do they? In order for them to say I must feel great.
There are days I feel tired from this "fight mode" as my friend Laura calls it. I have no one to blame for this fight mode that I am in but me. This transformation and journey has been anything but easy and not so great in the beginning. Do they realize what it takes for me to crawl out of bed 6 days a week at 4:30 a.m. and walk 6 miles before the sun comes up? And do it all over again before it goes down. I write down everything (okay, just about everything) I eat. I will always journal what I eat. I am in a battle that will last a lifetime. There is a fear in me that I will put some of the weight back on.
This is a personal journey and my emotions are nothing short of a whirlwind. Yes, I feel great after I walk 6, 8, or 10+ miles. Yes I feel great when I work hard during the week and I reap the rewards on Sunday morning. I feel great when I eat healthy and my body thanks me. But I feel great because I want to. Not because someone tells me I must feel great.
The only thing we must be able to do is this journey our way. If anything, we must be able to experience all kinds of emotions. We can feel great one day, but also feel sad or frustrated the next. For me, and most of us, it's a continuing journey. I'll be forever transforming and discovering things about myself and this lifestyle. No one should be told they must feel anything. Our emotions are just that.....our emotions. Feel great because you want to!
Have a great week! If you're new to my blog, don't forget me. It may be a wild ride.....a wild glittery ride!
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