Gimme a break............and say I CAN!

At the meeting this past week, we did a little mediation.  A two minute brain break if you will.  The challenge is every time we say the word "can't," we are to stop and take a two minute brain break.   Find a way to say I can! Have you taken your brain break this week or today?  What did you think about?  

For years I have used the word "can't" as a shield, just like the food.  "I can't do that."  or "I just can't."  I used it last night at yoga.  I told the instructor I couldn't do a certain pose.  She asked, "Why?" I didn't have an answer for her.  I surprised myself and was able to do the pose.  I can!  As I have lost weight, I realized I CAN do many things I used to tell myself  "I can't."  

And yet there is ONE thing that I still use the word "can't" on.  Those that know me and are my friends, have encouraged me by saying, "You have lost 174 pounds!  You can do this."  And they are right, but at the same time, it is something that won't seem to move to the CAN category.   

I am able to say I CAN do stand up paddle board yoga. I CAN lose 174 lbs! I CAN do hot yoga and not care the room is 105 degrees.  I CAN go out and stick to my plan and only have sparkling water with lime.  I CAN shut the door on my old life and gladly open the door to this new one.  Yet clearing the mind of "can't" is harder than you might think.  

I know this thing will get lonely in the "can't" bucket because as I continue to discover the new me, things that were in the "can't" bucket will get thrown in the CAN bucket.  My inner self just shakes her head when I use the word "can't"  I wish I COULD do this one thing.  

So the deal is when I find myself saying "can't" I am to stop and take a break for two minutes.  And then find a way that I CAN.  

 I come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid saying I CAN do this one thing.  What ifs aplenty.  It was the first thing in the "can't" bucket......long time ago.  I know I would surprise myself by being able to do this one thing.  If I told you what it this thing is, some of you might  wonder why it's under "can't."  Others might understand why it is.  

I am hoping as the old me moves on and the "brain" breaks will help me say "I can!" to do this one thing.  Otherwise, I think my inner self may just go crazy!  

Things that go bump (not always in the night)..............

I remember the first night I spent in my very first apartment.  I listened to every sound there was.  I eventually got used to those little sounds that may or may not keep you awake.  Five years later I moved and had to get used to new sounds.....new things that go bump in the night.

On the eve of the eve of my weigh in on Sunday morning, I am a little anxious.  Will I make goal?  Will I lose that small amount needed to carry me over the threshold?  Will it drag on for another couple of weeks?  All to lose 1.6 pounds.  

Things that go bump.  Hmmmm.  I consider myself a perpetual Weight Watcher member.  I would get psyched up, join, have good results for the first 2 weeks, then I would quit.  Each time was a different bump that made me quit.  I did this for many years.  Thinking each time would be the time. There were plenty of bumps along the way.  They seemed to get "louder" each time and harder for me to ignore.  I had just lost 93 lbs and felt good about it.  I was in college and was home for some break.....spring or summer.......it doesn't matter.  I looked good.  I surprised some of my former classmates.  But then bump!  I ended up not going back to school and let the weight creep back on. 

And crept back on it did.  And crept and crept.  Before I knew it I had gained all 93 pounds back plus some.  Bump!  Over the years, I gained more and more.  There were more trips to Weight Watchers and more BUMPS! Eventually I gave up on Weight Watchers and ignored the bumps.  In 2009 my 20th high school reunion was going to happen.  I first found out about it 7 months prior so if I was REALLY serious about losing weight for it, the time was that moment to start.  I waited till there were two months and now had time to just lose 20 lbs.  Trying with all my might, I succeeded and lost 41 lbs.  Looking at the pictures from the event now, I was still big.  For several months, things were quiet with no bumps.  Then things changed at work and BUMP!  This time in the form of stress. It crept back on yet again, but with a little faster speed.  I again gained every bit back plus some.  

I found it easier to ignore the bumps with a pizza, hamburger, or ice cream.  It would be a few years before the biggest BUMP.........one that I couldn't ignore.....one that made me stop just listening to these bumps but do something to get them to stop.

Things that go bump.  When people look at me in awe of my weight loss, I tell them, "Oh, it wasn't all that hard."  But I had to work really hard to make the bumps stop.  For several months I heard no bumps.  Things were going smoothly and I was pleasantly surprised.  I was exploring the new me and finally going out with the girls! Then one day, bump.  The few bites of appetizers and the glasses of wine.....every week.....bump!  I wanted to get back to hearing no bumps.  So I gave up the appetizers and glasses of wine.  I went back to square one and so far no bumps. 

What happens once I get to goal?  Does that mean the bumps go away?  Nooooo! I will work just as hard to make the bumps go away.  Things that go bump..............don't be afraid of them.  But learn to know which ones will hurt you if you let them.  

Don't forget to follow me......this story is just beginning! 

Wrenches.......everyone has them but no one wants them

Wrenches.  Most of us have them, but we could really do without them.  Right?  Sometimes we have more than we really need.  They really don't serve a purpose other than they can teach us how to do something.  Hmmm.  That's a thought to ponder.

Sunday morning when I got ready to go to my Weight Watcher meeting, I was excited because I felt like I had lost something.  I tried not to get too excited and I even thought I might have reached goal. It was pouring down rain but I just HAD to go to Weight Watchers.  I was not going to let some rain stop or slow me down.  I got in my car and it wouldn't start!  Two wrenches........two more than I really wanted or needed that morning........or the week!  I tried to turn the key several times.  I called a friend and told her I HAD to go to Weight Watchers and the store and my car wouldn't start.  The rain alone was a big wrench in the day.  It meant I would have to walk on the treadmill instead of outside.  That was unacceptable.  The car trouble delayed me going to the store to stock up on what I needed the next week.  Wrenches.  Yuk!  

I made it to Weight Watchers and when I stepped on the scale, I wasn't even worried about the wrenches from earlier.  In about a week I will be at goal. Just the thought of that creates excitement, fear, and nervousness all at once.  It wasn't until a few months ago I had my first wrench.  The rut I was in a few months ago was because of a wrench.   A wrench I had created myself.  Complacency. To those of us on a weight loss journey, complacency is a wrench.  It comes after we lose some weight and are feeling good about ourselves.  So we let our guard down and have a little fun.  Get complacent or comfortable and there's your wrench.   But if we're focused and determined, we can let go of the wrench and lose the complacency.  For those of us who are determined and focused, we can lose the wrenches.  The same friend brought me home and while I waited for help on my car, I decided to walk before more rain fell.  I was able to complete my 5 mile walk and no longer was bothered by the wrench.  Car got fixed and I made it to the store.  

I am sure there will be more wrenches that come my way.  As one of my followers has mentioned, she was once told a dramatic weight loss was the easiest and hardest thing the person had ever done. I don't know what the wrenches will be but I will accept them, learn from them, and then try to get rid of them.  

I will possibly reach goal next week.  Then I begin maintenance.  If there are wrenches, I hope I will be able to handle them and learn from them.  What wrenches have you had lately?  Did they teach you something?  Don't forget to follow me.  You won't want to miss next week's post!!! 

Move out day

So I celebrated my birthday on Monday.  Thank you! Thank you! No need for applause....but I'll take it.  It has been quite a year....a big year.  It certainly has had its glitterless moments, but the overall greatness is sparkle enough. 

And do you know how I celebrated my birthday?!  I attended a Weight Watcher meeting!  No drinks with the girls, no obligatory celebratory dinner with the family.   I wanted to celebrate it with friends who love me and that’s what I did.  It was the best birthday. 

And on this day, of all days, I decided needs to be the day my old self finally moves out.  Along the way, I have slowly started to evict her but she kept coming back.  If I am to figure out how to live this new lifestyle, I need her to move out completely.  Right now, I don't know how to do it all. But that is what maintenance is all about. For the last 20-something years........okay, maybe not quite 20 years, I struggled with my weight.  I should be grateful that I have lost 169 lbs (and counting) and no longer weigh over 350.  While I am not small, I should be enjoying this new healthy me.  But at certain times, the old me shows up without warning.  

All day Monday, my wonderful friends took a minute to post delightful birthday greetings and compliments on how wonderful I look!  What they do not realize is that I still see myself as a big person.  And that is something I can only work on if the old me completely moves out.  While I may have experienced new things such as almost kayaking, doing yoga on a paddle board, and yoga in 105 degree heat, not to mention dating, I had to lock the old me in a room and hide the key.  

Why is it so easy to kick 169 lbs to the curb but not the shell of my former self?  My wonderful friends encourage me to do things that I would not have done last year or certainly the year before. I know that if I don't take charge and do some of these things, then the old me wins and the moment goes out the window.  There will be no sad goodbyes or long hugs.......although it might be a slow process.  It's move out day.  

Pursuit of Happyness

Today's blog is a little short.  If you were asked are you happy, could you answer honestly? What a  loaded question!  Not mine but the question Are you Happy?

The topic in Weight Watchers this week is based on the theory of happiness.  Some say a percentage of happiness is genetics while another percentage is what life has given you.  There is a friend in my Sunday morning Weight Watcher group who is happy every time I see her.  Continually happy!  Even her laugh is infectious.  I long to be that happy.  Am I foolish to think that once I hit goal I will by miracle be as happy as this woman?  My laugh will magically sound happier.  

Happiness.....if I had been asked that this morning, I would have to say I was not happy earlier today. I am so close to goal so when I stepped on the scale earlier and saw the number go up, happiness was not an emotion I experienced.  To me it was a tiny step backward resulting in just a little more to go than last week.  My leader even shed a tear with me and gave me a hug.  But we both knew what had caused the little water weight gain.  Something not under my control which drives me crazy.  

I suppose, though, I am happy.  I am happy I can cross both my legs without any effort.  I am happy that I can walk 5 miles without losing a breath.  I am happy that my health issues have diminished.  Happy that my clothes are smaller.  Happy that cleaning my house is actually enjoyable and not a chore.  Happy that I no longer require a bra extender AND that my bra size is smaller. Happy that, yes I have lost 169 pounds.  

I was not thinking of those things when I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a number I did not want to see.  I am not happy that the date I reach goal has been delayed one more week.  But, at the end of the day, I am happy that nothing I did caused this little bit of water weight gain.  If it causes the happiness to stay a little longer, then I am going to blame the small gain on water weight, mother nature, taking the stairs at work (new thing - but am going to stop).  Does not mean that the door has been opened to fear.  Is it possible to concentrate on being happy to ward off fear?  

For most of us on any type of weight loss plan, we tend to be happier when the scales swing our way. I must admit, when I step on the scale and the number goes down, I get a giddy as a teenage girl.  I think of it as validation for a hard week well fought.  As our weekly asked, are we happy when we lose weight or that we can lose weight?  The latter is the most accurate while most of us tend to lean towards the first statement.  Why aren't we happy that we CAN lose weight instead of when we do?  This next week I will work no harder than I did last week (except leaving out stair climbing), eat nothing different, maybe drink a little LESS water.  And I will try to be happy that I CAN lose weight.

How is your pursuit of happyness?  Will you be happy that you CAN lose the weight?  Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and you'll never miss a post! 

All about food........

Whether we want to admit it or not, food is on our mind ALL the time!  Right?!  Weight Watchers gives you a certain amount of points to use through out the day and week.  Decisions on how to use those points on food are sometimes harder than deciding what to wear out with friends or date night!  

When I was heavier, my favorite food was pizza or a hamburger.  Maybe some ice cream.  Okay.....all food was my favorite.  

Since beginning this new chapter (and being diabetic) of my life, I look at food in a different way.  Would you believe I have eaten the same breakfast for over a year?  Plain Cheerios with a berry (strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries).......depending on what kind of berry mood I might be in.  One cup of berries to get the 2 fruit servings in.  It is a 5 point breakfast and it has never tasted so good.

I mentioned I love, love, love salads!  I try to replicate salads from restaurants.  Randalls sells Panera Bread brand salad dressing.  Their raspberry dressing is 1 point for 2 TBSP and it is a power food!  It is a thick dressing, very tasty!  I gave up red meat and eat ground turkey or chicken for burgers.

Gone are the cravings for fast food hamburgers and a Papa John's pizza.  So are the cravings for a pint of cookie dough ice cream.  When the doctors told me I was diabetic and showed me a "blue print" of what I would have to eat, I was not sure what to think.  To me, planning what to eat seemed a little harder since I had a double whammy.  Onward and upward, something a British friend used to say, I went.  I still find it difficult when I go out to eat.  At Mexican restaurants, part of me would enjoy the enchilada with rice and beans.  But I opt to taking my own baked tortilla chips and choosing wisely.....and for me that means a salad or fajitas with corn tortillas.

A couple of months ago, I was in a rut.  For a minute, I thought it was the beginning of a plateau but really it was poor decision making.  I somehow got addicted to Chex Mix.  And while you may say that's not a bad choice, it is when you eat the entire bag, or combine two bags together WITH chocolate chips!  It was horrible.  Yet I tried to tell myself it still was not as bad as what I was eating before.....but really it was.  So I gave it up and stopped reaching for it at the store.  It also did not help that I was going to too many Happy Hours.  I don't have to tell you what that entails!

Here are some of my favorite foods:  strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, edamame, small apples, Cutie mandarin oranges, cucumbers, natural almonds, chicken, salads, and turkey burgers.

Here are some brand name favorite foods:  PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter, Sunsweet Ones Prunes, Blue Diamond Whole Natural Almonds, Cheerios, Magic Pop, Dannon Light & Fit Greek yogurt (strawberry, chocolate raspberry, cherry, citrus blend, and key lime), Triscuits, Green Giant Honey Roasted frozen corn, Nature's Own Honey Wheat Light 40 calorie bread.

Sure, challenges present themselves every day.  Just the other day at one of my jobs, in the break room were bakery style cookies - peanut butter, chocolate chip, etc. with a pitcher of milk.  I looked the other way.  We are in control of the food choices and point choices we make....even out at a restaurant or as a guest at someone's home for dinner.  I have learned that I CAN enjoy happy hour without drinking wine or cocktails.  I proved this by having a glass of sparkling water with lime.  I did enjoy an appetizer or two but no drinks.  It's all about the choices and decisions we make.

What have you tried that is now your favorite?

Christina

                                         
                               
                                

Keep Calm and Embrace the Wobble..........

This past weekend I attempted stand up paddle board yoga.  Yes, not just yoga, but stand up paddle board yoga.  A group of us showed up at a lake on a Saturday afternoon to try something new.  Even as late on Saturday morning, I was excited and pumped to try this type of yoga.  But after getting to the lake, and looking at how far we had to paddle, I heard whispers from the former me.  The timid me was saying I couldn't do this.....shouldn't do this.  I should just be benched.   But my friends were not going to let that happen.  And I am glad they did not.  

So paddle I did to the middle of a beautiful lake.  A lake surrounded by trees and clouds above.  If you have not tried stand up paddle board yoga, or have no idea what it is, you basically do yoga poses on a paddle board.....of course in the water! Once the board was hooked to the buoy, I found the board a bit more stable. After feeling proud doing the child's pose and maybe downward dog, in the water I went. According to the instructors, falling in the water is celebrated and everyone claps. Forget about trying to stay cute when doing stand up paddle board yoga.  I then tried alternate leg/arm extension.  Feeling proud that I extended my right leg and left arm, the board wobbled once again and I fell in the water.  I do have a battle injury to show for this new experience.....a nice reddish purple bruise on my knee.  

In all seriousness, I must say it was a fun and new experience.  It is empowering....think about it.   All of us were out on this beautiful lake with the sun shining experiencing the same thing.  The peace and oneness of the lake.  Although falling in the water was not in my plan, I will give myself kudos for doing the downward dog and bridge pose on a wobbling paddle board. My personal trainer would be proud.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely........gotta be able to do downward dog and alternate leg/arm extension without falling in!! 

Keep calm and embrace the wobble......just not for stand up paddle board yoga.  I was thinking later after I had recovered, that saying can apply to all areas of a weight loss journey.  There will be wobbles.  Wobble back and forth with the numbers on the scale.  Wobble with what foods to eat.  I have wobbled in the last several months while on the journey to goal.  And I am sure it is not the last time I will wobble.  

The next time you feel yourself wobbling...........remember, Keep Calm and Embrace the Wobble!

Y'all have a great week!