Move out day

So I celebrated my birthday on Monday.  Thank you! Thank you! No need for applause....but I'll take it.  It has been quite a year....a big year.  It certainly has had its glitterless moments, but the overall greatness is sparkle enough. 

And do you know how I celebrated my birthday?!  I attended a Weight Watcher meeting!  No drinks with the girls, no obligatory celebratory dinner with the family.   I wanted to celebrate it with friends who love me and that’s what I did.  It was the best birthday. 

And on this day, of all days, I decided needs to be the day my old self finally moves out.  Along the way, I have slowly started to evict her but she kept coming back.  If I am to figure out how to live this new lifestyle, I need her to move out completely.  Right now, I don't know how to do it all. But that is what maintenance is all about. For the last 20-something years........okay, maybe not quite 20 years, I struggled with my weight.  I should be grateful that I have lost 169 lbs (and counting) and no longer weigh over 350.  While I am not small, I should be enjoying this new healthy me.  But at certain times, the old me shows up without warning.  

All day Monday, my wonderful friends took a minute to post delightful birthday greetings and compliments on how wonderful I look!  What they do not realize is that I still see myself as a big person.  And that is something I can only work on if the old me completely moves out.  While I may have experienced new things such as almost kayaking, doing yoga on a paddle board, and yoga in 105 degree heat, not to mention dating, I had to lock the old me in a room and hide the key.  

Why is it so easy to kick 169 lbs to the curb but not the shell of my former self?  My wonderful friends encourage me to do things that I would not have done last year or certainly the year before. I know that if I don't take charge and do some of these things, then the old me wins and the moment goes out the window.  There will be no sad goodbyes or long hugs.......although it might be a slow process.  It's move out day.