Peaks and Valleys.......or sometimes 5 is just enough

Happy Friday!  It's the end of the week and you know what that means!  The weekend!  I know, too many exclamation points.  You're either thinking I'm just way too excited or I've over done it with the exclamation points.  I am ready for the weekend.  I have neglected putting the new quilt on my bed or finishing redoing my guest bathroom.  I have laundry that needs to be hung up.  I've become addicted to walking so that's all I seem to do!  Which I guess is a good thing instead of being addicted to say Cheese Doodles or chocolate chips.

I went to my regular yoga class on Thursday.  I am really liking the yoga thing. We had a guest teacher who talked about Colorado and the peaks and valleys of the mountains.  And how the peaks represent the bigger picture and the valleys represent the stuff  that supports the peaks. Earlier I had a title for the next post thought out.....sometimes 5 is just enough.  But then I heard this teacher talk.  So what do I do?  I combine the two.   

A few weeks ago, I guess someone asked our leader about the point value of chocolate chips.  She came back with an answer:  5 chocolate chips are 0 points.  But maybe sometimes 5 is enough.  Five chocolate chips, 5 potato chips, 5 jelly beans.  Sometimes we just have a craving and maybe 5 of whatever it is is just enough.  But 5 could also be minutes or breaths to get focused on something else.  Just taking 5 can give us a new perspective.  A five minute walk.  A five minute break....I know we talked about the 2 minute break, but sometimes 3 more minutes is needed.  Or a five minute conversation with a friend.  

When you want those 5 chocolate chips or jelly beans, are you in a valley?  Stupid question I know. It is hard to ignore the valleys in a weight loss journey because they happen and are ever present just like the peaks.  You may be at that party and the cookies or candy beckon your name.  Before grabbing for just 5 M&Ms or those Kettle Chips, take 5 and breath.  When you experience a low/frustrating point in your journey, do you take time to look at the bigger picture?  

I have been in valleys before and not taken the time to look at the bigger picture.  Not necessarily about my weight loss but those things that change BECAUSE of the bigger picture.  I have said it before that I guess I expect everything else to fall into place since I've lost 185 lbs. (I'm just going to round it up!).  Not everything has fallen into place.  I still have struggles.  But if I didn't struggle or if everything did fall into place, then it would be....what?.........easy.  I tend to want things in the present. Right now.....like yesterday.  That text I'm anxiously waiting on, that question/sentence I'd love to hear.  But I have to learn to look at the bigger picture.  The fact that I took control of my life and have lost an astounding 185 lbs. so far.  

Peaks and valleys.  Peaks of a mountain are beautiful as well as the valleys below.  But when we think about the peaks and valleys of this journey, how do you describe your valleys?  Your peaks? The bigger picture.  Without the valleys below, the bigger picture may not exist.  When you are in a valley, look up at the mountain.  Treat the mountain as your success so far, not the mountain you have to climb.  

The ball is in your court.....where is the ball and what court?

I was texting with a friend the other night and told her I wanted to do something really daring. Hey I am a single 44 year old woman so naturally I think about dating and men quite often.  If you haven't already guessed!  After last week, I thought why chase after something that's probably not there?  I often have friends suggest I do this or that.  Text this.  Email that. What!?  No.  Really?  Their reply is "Then the ball would be in his court."  Ahh!  The dreaded ball! I told my friend the ball usually gets tossed to someone else's court or just stays there.  Do guys really know when the ball is in their court?

I started thinking how that phrase relates to one's weight loss journey.  When did you realize the ball was in your court? What did you do with the ball?  Although I was guilty of what I think men do all the time, I never really paid attention to the ball that was in my court.  Until it was almost too late. This time I decided to do something about it.  I did something with the ball that was in my court.   I thought long and hard about what I wanted this time and what I was willing to do (had to do) to achieve it.  

The ball is in your court............what happens when the ball gets flat?  Believe it or not, weight loss hasn't always been highs for me.  If it were all highs, then it would be easy.  Especially when you do it the natural way, there are bound to be some lows.  If your ball is flat, you have to inflate it.  

Think of this "ball" as accountability.  Almost always, whether you are starting a weight loss journey, or have been on one, sometimes we forget to hold (or how to) ourselves accountable. Being accountable is always there and in our court.  We just have to do something with it.  I went through a time when I didn't hold myself accountable.  Did I say a time?  I meant TIMES. I know some of you do simply filling and have great success on it.  For me, it's the point way all the way.  I was going to say or nothing but then that would do nothing for those reading this.  I had times when I didn't track everyday and not EVERYTHING I ate.  Really? Don't we sometimes believe if we don't track that handful of nuts or Chex Mix, it really doesn't county? To me that's just as bad as a guy not doing anything when the ball is in his court. 

Sometimes the "ball" can be just the motivation we need.  Fortunately, (and I suppose thankfully) I didn't experience any long plateaus.  I know some of you have.  Sometimes that "ball" can be the fire that needs to be lit under your butt to get you moving again.  Sometimes the ball can be tell your fortune.  And we don't always want to look at it.....until the news is too much to ignore.  My leader left me a great compliment after I posted I no longer have to inject insulin.  The comment read: "Now, that is the BEST news that I have heard today - to think that you have improved your life all because you decided to! Powerful stuff, Miss Christina Crawford!!!! Way to go!" All because I decided what to do with the ball in my court.  

Like waiting for men to do something with the ball, it can be just as frustrating, if not more so, when we don't do anything with our "ball."  We know it's there, but sometimes we can't bring ourselves to do anything with it until it's almost too late.   At some point I will go on maintenance.  Seeing how close I am to losing an even 200 lbs. is something I cannot pass by.   For now, I am doing everything / anything I can with the ball that's in my court.  

What are you going to do with the ball that is in your court?  

Let me introduce myself.........and an announcement

ANNOUNCEMENT:  I have an announcement before the guest post.  If you didn't already see, I lost an incredible 6.2 lbs. last week.  It was due to extreme walking and just sticking to plan.  I have a decision to make.  I will be resetting my goal, upon my doctor's approval of course, and reaching for the gold to lose an even 200 lbs!  

Guest post by the Inner Goddess

Let me introduce myself.  I know you have probably heard about me.  I am the Inner Goddess or the Inner Twin.  Preferably, I like Inner Goddess because I am sparkly, pink, and very girly.   I moved in some time ago and have been trying to settle in.  While I am beyond thrilled that Christina has lost this amazing amount of weight, there are still some issues that need to be improved.  

The discovery of one's new self can take a toll on the person emotionally and mentally.  I am the one who gives her a psycho slap when she is doubting she can do something.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  I have stood with arms crossed and shaken my head more times than I care to count.  She's not always a good listener and sometimes I have to shout.  Shouting doesn't always work.  The one trait she has that I wish she would give up is her stubbornness.

I was proud of her this past week.  If you don't already know, she likes to win.  Who doesn't?!  I was ready to walk all night long if that is what it was going to take.  I kept telling her she could do this. She surged onward in the heat and at times strutted down the catwalk. I kept telling her that he obviously didn't know a good thing when he saw it.   When she contemplated giving up and going back home, I nudged her and told her to get moving.

There are few times when I am able to escape and show who she really is.  The Christina you see most of the time is one that the former, bigger one created.  The one that hides behind a curtain of uncertainty and fear.  I have had to work really hard to bring the true, fun, flirty Christina.   If only everyone saw the true person.

I, the inner goddess, would be a vegetarian if she'd let me.  I have made sure the craving of hamburgers, fries, pizza, or ice cream don't enter her thoughts.  And if they do, I slap her bringing her back to reality.  That's why I was so proud when, after having a bad day on Monday, she decided to channel her frustration into something else.  I clapped my hands because when she gets frustrated about something, nothing stops her.  

So, after finally listening to me, she has brushed off last week and I think will not give that one person (at the moment) another moment's thought.  She was thinking of quitting this next week's challenge but I think I have persuaded her to go full speed ahead and do it ONLY for her.  IF she wins, GREAT.  She'll win for her.  Although the other competitors will give her a run for the money, she'll knock it out of the park.  I still have work to do, and I will never leave her, but I believe there has been a major improvement over the last few months.



We all have an inner self that speaks to us.  We may call them different things  Sometimes they tell us good things that lift us up.  Then we have those inner selves that throw us negative energy.  We are all strong enough to banish the negative one to a land far away.   Listen to what the sparkly, fun, inner self has to say.  Believe her when she says you have come so far why would you want to keep holding on to who you used to be.  That's something I'm trying to do.  I will start listening to my inner goddess more often.  She is does not look pretty shaking her head and tapping her foot.

Y'all have a marvelous manic Monday.....and great rest of the week.                                    


  

A motivated woman with a fitbit is a dangerous thing

........or also known as Rejection and Frustration are no match for a woman with a Fit Bit. 

I know you have had times where you felt defeated, frustrated or let down about something.  No doubt at times it was your weight loss journey.   It is natural.  While on mine, I didn't start having those feelings until I was closer to goal.  I started to write "till the end," but there is no end, is there?   In the past, when I felt defeated, frustrated, I would reach for food.  I will admit on this journey, at times I still did that....just not the foods I used to eat.  

This past week I posted on the Weight Watchers face book page I needed some new songs for my walking play list.  I can only listen to the same Taylor Swift and Kelly Clarkson songs for so long. You gave great suggestions.  I listened to some of the songs and picked those I liked.  I needed to add more songs because it was done before I finished my 5 mi walk.  The play list now has some funky songs on it.  

Monday was a bad day for me.  I felt rejected....and frustrated.  Prior to this journey, when I had these feelings, I would binge.  I suppose I did binge this week......on exercise/activity.  I wish I could have told my leader the truth as to why I wasn't having a good day.  I just shook my head and said no.  I covered my face with my hands and walked out.  I came home that night and cleaned the kitchen while dancing.  I decided to challenge myself while giving a little dig to the curtain of fear that held me back from dong that one thing.  I still felt rejected so what do I do this time?  I was going to try my best and beat the Work Week Hustle Fit Bit challenge.  I did some EXTREME walking this week. I got 30,000 steps on Wednesday alone.  Friday I hit 35,000 in one day.

I took this rejected and frustrated feeling and ran with it.....almost.  Maybe power walked with it.  I started getting up at the crack of dawn - actually way before then - so I could make my 10,000 before sunrise.  I succeeded every day.  I am proud of myself for pushing myself and following through.  There were times when my body told me this was silly and we should just give up and be at the bottom.  Let them win.  Are you kidding me?! I was sitting on a bench and this song came on.  All of a sudden I felt a psycho slap from my inner goddess that said, "Get moving!"  Then I heard this song that reminded me that my roar is much louder than I think.  Then I heard this song and it reminded me of how we talk negative to ourselves.  I began listening to my inner goddess and didn't give in.  All I had was time this past week.  I didn't have anyone vying for my attention, wanting to spend time with me.  No distractions or nothing in my way.  So instead of diving into a jar of peanut butter or a bag of chocolate chips to ease the pain, I channeled it into something positive.  Despite the blisters on my pretty, pink pedicured toes and the flaming shin splint, I felt wonderful after finishing a walk.  It didn't matter that I was wet from head to toe with sweat....but I don't sweat, I sparkle.  Very sparkly.

Tomorrow I will prep my salads for the next week.  The method worked well this week.  So I am going to try it again.  This week, I am prepping for a Strawberry Poppyseed Chicken Salad (copycat of Panera) and I'll use some of bottled dressing I already have.  There's a copycat Chick-Fil-A Grilled Market Chicken salad.  I'll use a creamy apple cider vinaigrette.  I'll also fix a Orange-Strawberry salad.  It has a recipe for an orange dressing but I will use a strawberry vinaigrette. I'll also fix a Leftover BBQ Salad.  I'll use some frozen grilled chicken I fixed with a barbecue marinade.  With this recipe, I will also use some of Green Giant Steamers Honey Roasted Corn.

None of us going through a weight loss journey are immune to having feelings of defeat, rejection, and frustration.  We learn how to deal with these feelings.  We either deal with them in positive ways or make not so good choices.     When I have feelings of rejection or frustration I tend to want to give this weight loss journey the finger.  Be a rebel and eat chocolate or a bag of Cheese Doodles!  I start wondering what is it about me that isn't measuring up to others.  What is it about me that others don't find attractive.  But being active and walking 13 mi in one day surely takes the edge off of eating the bag of Cheese Doodles!  Listening to my funky power walk play list (songs like Perfect by Pink, All I do is Win by DJ Khaled, Uptown Funk, Part of Me) and dancing while cleaning also helps.  I may still rejected for a while, but I learn to deal with it differently.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows

When you make a decision to do or not to do something, do you always feel better about it?  Let me tell you, being part of the 150+ lb lost club isn't always glitter and sparkles.  I am trying to learn to maintain this new weight while trying to accept that life happens.  I used to think if I lost a lot of weight, the social aspect would be easier.  I would have a brand new social life.   Not sure what happens from the time I leave my house to getting to a restaurant or event that my confidence goes MIA.  I can look in the mirror and tell myself I look good.  Have finally learned how to do eye make up right.  I actually have cheek bones.  My clothes, well, I'm working on it.  I wore something last week my girlfriend called "teachery."  Should that matter?  I looked at what I was wearing and she was probably right.....I looked "teachery."  No offense to my teacher friends.  What should I be wearing?  

Going out for girls' night or happy hour is new to me. And although I realized I don't necessarily need that all the time, I never know what to wear and stumble on words if some guy asks if he can take the bar stool I'm not using.  My friends tell me all the time I am beautiful and strong.  You can do it! They say.  You have lost 180 lbs!  They reassure me.  I am having a very hard time adjusting to the mental changes of this new me.    I am warming up to group activities with other friends.  Baby steps.

 The last "can't" thing will stay in the bucket a little longer. In the words of Maverick from Top Gun, I would "crash and burn."  As my friend told me, why set myself up to fail.  While it will have to stay in the bucket a little longer and  I was a little teary, it's for the best right now.  At first I was excited about doing it....being able to stand tall and let my inner goddess do the talking.  But I learned something today and grey clouds covered up the sunshine and rainbows.  I let my fears take the lead and hold me back.  It is said the best way to deal with fear is to face it.  Well, I didn't.

When you lose 180 lbs in less than 2 years, everything comes at you at lightning speed.  You are all of a sudden experiencing things for the first time in many years.   A wave of emotions hit you and  pulls you under.  It is not all sunshine and rainbows.  I want to be able to control it ALL the time and that is simply not going to happen.  Sometimes I wonder did I shave my legs for this?  I know about the healthy aspect of it, but seriously?!  I hoped for a date for this past NYE, which didn't happen.  I hoped for a Valentine....nope not that either.  I wish  I could go back in time and tell the bigger me that not everything is sunshine and rainbows when you lose the weight.

We work so hard to have it be sunshine and rainbows all the time.  We work hard to maintain control. When we lose control, we feel defeated.  We feel like a big grey cloud that covers up the miracle of rainbows.  I don't know about you, but when I feel defeated, I tend to reach for a not so good choice. After I had a pity party, talked to God and expressed my frustration, and teared up a little (all today), I came home and walked out my frustration.

So in a weak moment of thinking I'm confident and looking good, I went out on a few dates.  I call them one date wonders.  All within the last year and all from dating sites.  I had to go on maybe 2 to realize they only wanted one thing.  Sure they fed me and participated in small talk. When you're in the 30s and early/mid 40s, dating is VERY DIFFERENT.  I'm already on mental overload. Sure, let's throw a man in the mix who tells me I'm beautiful and doesn't quite understand why I am still single.  I have learned something new from each date.  I'm still learning how to get the 2d date.

Sometimes I wonder why, if other things seem to be aligning right, that my social life can't get with the program.  I wonder why the mental changes can't be simple, let them happen, and have me go on my way.  I wonder why am I making it so tough on myself and everyone else?  It's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Since I have nothing or no one vying for my attention, this week I will try to knock it out of the park and lose the weight I have put on.   With no dates in the immediate future (or distant for that matter), I will throw myself into perfecting my yoga or spending time with friends.  It's not all sunshine and rainbows.....although I am sure there is some bartender that could help us with that! When I need that laugh, I just look at Lucy and Libby.  They are the sunshine and rainbows on my cloudy day.

Simply.......Don't D*ck Around (you had to be there)

Hope your 4th of July was full of fireworks!  Not only the ones in the sky but ones you created yourself.  I may get in trouble for this post title.  But if you had been at the meeting this morning, you would totally get it!  And that is what's fun about the Sunday Weight Watcher meeting.  You just never know where the conversation will lead.   In the meeting this morning we talked about what we could do in 15 minutes to relax, to recharge, feel good, to make us laugh.  For me, walking (or pretending I am on the catwalk) the trails recharges me and relaxes me.  I listen to fast, but good, tempo music that makes me feel like I'm walking the runway.  As for laughs, my two pets always make me laugh.  Or listening to a good friend laugh and knowing she's laughing with me.  Then we talked about guilty pleasures...and someone mentioned Magic Mike XXL.....which I saw Thursday.  All I have to say is oh my!  So you can imagine where the conversation went from there.  

Two weeks into maintenance and I am finding it harder than just getting to goal.  I have put on 5 pounds over the last two weeks.  I was disappointed because I am now in competition with myself to stay under goal.  And that is proving to be a hard challenge.  But like before, I know what I did to put on the pounds.  I must nip it in the bud if I am to get through maintenance and start lifetime.  As I mentioned in the previous post, I crossed some personal boundaries.  Boundaries, that if I am not careful, can be dangerous.  So after stepping on the scale (I stepped on it, but it wasn't recorded), I realized this is something you don't d*ck around with.  I think we all now that.  While not bad, a back road may be taken to see different attractions, sometimes they aren't good.  Those bad attractions make us realize the main journey is nothing to take lightly.  Whether it is the beginning of a journey, the last leg, or reaching the destination, it is a LIFESTYLE change. I will work just as hard to lose these 5 lbs in the maintenance phase as I did on the journey to goal.  

I am determined to make it through maintenance and stay below goal.  I suppose since the step on the scale wasn't official, I still have 5 weeks to go.  This week I will track EVERYTHING and go back to basics.  The week before was stress and hormones.  This past week was happy hour and the old way of thinking of well I've already blown this week, the rest might as well not count.  I found this site that shows you how to get your salads ready for the week.....find it here.  Here are mine: 

I had fun putting them together.  I listened to music and even danced around the kitchen.  The music took my mind off of something that's been on my mind and the doubts that are following.  For Monday's lunch, I will be having the Inner Goddess Detox Salad (yes, there is such a thing!).  I have fixed it twice before and it is so good.  I use a balsamic dressing with it.  On Tuesday, I am having a Fruit and Spinach Salad with a bottled strawberry dressing.  One of my recent favorites, on Wednesday, I am having a Watermelon-Cucumber Salad.  I'll have the same balsamic dressing on it.  I also tried this one for the first time recently and the watermelon on the salad is refreshing.  On Wednesday night, I'll fix Thursday and Friday's lunches.  They'll be a Mango Chicken Salad with a bottled Mango vinaigrette and a Chicken Apple Salad with an Apple Cider vinaigrette.  For any of the recipes, just click on the salad name and it'll take you to the site.  I usually modify some of the salads to fit my own taste or a single serving.  I usually just track the items separately.  Dinner will probably be impromptu salads......just throwing something together.  I like the oil based dressings better than the creamy ones.   So I will remember to grab the salads from the fridge, I made a note.  

Hopefully it'll work and I'll remember as I walk out the door.  Like the journey to get to goal, maintenance is nothing to treat lightly.  It is not a time to become sluggish or complacent.  Although I must take this 5 lb gain seriously and do my best to lose it, I cannot let it get me down because I am still trying to do one last thing.

Totally off subject, but I blame my inner self (like to call her my inner goddess) for the 5 lb gain.  She's the one that said, "Sure, I'll meet you for happy hour."   Most of the time she means well and tries to push me out of my comfort zone.  When I stay behind the line she just folds her arms and shakes her head.  When a friend of mine (the one who was the inspiration behind the post title) told me "You can do it.," I told her my inner goddess will have to do the talking since I am clearly scared of my own voice!  That's a little funny for your week.

So, what are you going to do for 15 minutes this week that makes you laugh, relaxes you or recharges you?

Have a good week!

NSVs and Maintenance Week No. 2

NSV.  No it’s not a degree…….although I suppose it could be in a way.   It’s not a disease nor a medication.  NSV stands for Non Scale Victory(ies).  Climbing a flight of stairs without losing your breath, fitting into that pencil dress that hasn't fit in years, having someone comment on how good you look, having the energy to do something that you haven't been able to do in years, etc...all non-scale victories.  Weight Watchers celebrates them.  And celebrate they should.  A weight loss journey is just not about what numbers show up on the scale.  It’s about all the mental changes along with the number part. 

This is maintenance week no. 2.  I strayed outside the boundaries (okay, okay my personal boundaries).  A girlfriend (also sometimes called ‘gf.’) texted me about happy hour.  I decided to go only because she had been on vacation and we had not seen each other in some time.  I did pretty well considering….I drank sparkling water with lime and kept away from the Peartinis, Happy Daddies and any other kind of happy that involved vodka.  I indulged in a few appetizers and probably had a few bites too many.  Two lettuce wraps (appetizer size), a few chips with spinach artichoke dip and two sliders.  That isn’t bad you say.  Probably not, but by my standards it is.  That set the mood for the week and I indulged in a few other things I shouldn’t.  Therefore I won’t weigh in this Sunday. 

Now about those NSVs.  The first one was on Father’s Day on the heels of my victory of getting to goal.  So while my family and I were out celebrating the man who is probably the MOST AWESOME dad ever, my mother makes a comment that to me meant more than if she had said “I’m really proud of you.”  She turns to me and says “I should have been dieting along with you this whole time.”  Wow!  It was a NSV for me, but probably an AHA moment for her. 

The other one also happened on the heels of me reaching goal.  Among the comments left on my Facebook page, there was one from a guy whom I think we are virtually flirting….if that is a thing.  We “like” each other’s statuses every now and then.  All this time I thought there was just too much in his feed for him to like every selfie I posted or profile picture I changed.  Then I saw his comment. And while it was just a simple “Great job, Christina.,” it made my heart do a little backflip. 

The last two were today.  I walk in Walmart – not really excited about being there (just because it’s Walmart – need I say more) – and as I walk in, this really good looking guy is walking out with his basket and he winks at me!  This man, who is tan and somewhat in shape, wearing a tank top showing off his tattoos, winks at ME.  Part of me wanted to turn around, forget the list of things I needed to buy, and follow him out the door!  NSVs.  They are anything we want them to be. 

The last one is very special to me and made me cry.  But just because it’s last on my list, doesn’t mean it’s not as important as the others.   Save the best for last right?  So I have this really good friend who was in a horrific accident 7 years ago.  The accident killed her husband and has left this once vibrant, funny, sassy woman paralyzed, unable to speak and walk.  But God love her, she still remembers me and when I visit her it’s like time stood still.  I found out she was in the hospital so I went to visit her.  When I walked up to her in her room and said hi, she looks at me and mouths “Wow.”  I just started crying.  If I had any doubt that she didn’t remember who I was, those doubts went out the window with that one simple (note I didn’t use small because it was so much bigger) comment.  I told her what I had done and she said “I’m proud of you.”  Our visit was wonderful and while I did all the talking, she was ever present and laughed along with me. 

NSVs.  Non-scale victories.  They can be anything we want them to be.  From being able to walk 5 miles without getting winded, being able to finally wear a regular size 16 instead of a size 16W, or a simple comment from a man whom just might have been following your journey from the wings. 

Celebrate your NSVs whatever they may be.  Revel in the feeling they bring you.  They will remind you this journey is worth it and hasn’t been in vain.