GiveThanks for what is now and for what is to come!

"Give thanks for a little and you will receive a lot." 

(Those of you keeping track, I did very well last week....after getting frustrated with my gain the prior week....and lost 5 lbs!  Only 4.8 lbs to go before the finale!). 

Brrr! Well, it appears we skipped fall and headed right into winter.......at least for a couple of days! Don't fret......those predictable Texas temps will come back just in time for Thanksgiving on Thursday (note sarcasm in voice) with another shot of winter air afterwards.  

This week will be filled with menu planning, family time, and celebration of the 1st major holiday of the 2015 holiday season!  Thanksgiving!  It can also be filled with nervousness and anxiety.  The menu planning alone can cause sweat breakouts.  The holiday can cause stress like no other for those on the path to losing weight.  But if we're focused and determined, Thanksgiving can come off without a hitch.  A couple of months ago, while perusing the web looking at Weight Watcher blogs, I came across one with an acronym for Thanksgiving.  But when I really want it now, it's nowhere to be found.  Ha!  But I found this one from a blog.  The original blogger said she saw it a WW meeting.  

  

I imagine most are already picturing the "temptation" table filled with mashed potatoes, southern cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes dressed in everything from marshmallows to pecans, and the overflowing basket of rolls.  In the middle is the turkey and somewhere on the table are green beans loaded with mushroom soup and fried onions.  And those desserts!  The horror! It comes every year and every year our readiness level increases.  I will occupy my  time with seeing my nephew and my step/bonus niece.  I will delight in participating in the GE Run Through the Woods for the first time. Squash those temptations like a bug!

In our Sunday meeting, the leader asked us what we were thankful for.   Thankful.  Definition of the word looks like this: pleased and relieved; expressing gratitude and relief.  Well, if I answer with this week in mind, I am pleased that I lost what I gained (and more) and relieved I remained focused. Answering with my entire journey in mind, well, it requires some thought.  Believe it or not I am thankful for that diagnosis in 2014 that made me realize the time is now.  Thankful that God has not faltered or given up on me.  He knew who the person inside was all along.  To be able to walk double digit miles 5 days a week (single digit miles on the weekend) and enjoy it.  And to walk with an awesome person who knows me inside and out.

Most of my life I have stayed in the shadows, under the radar, only to peek out occasionally.  I felt left out and like I didn't belong. I am thankful for the support, friendship, and kindness from the Sunday morning Weight Watcher group.  I walk in and know that no one will judge, snicker or look me up and down.  I am thankful that, for whatever reason, I chose this Sunday morning group.

I am thankful I am learning more and more to make healthy options when temptation doesn't leave me alone.  My leader forwarded me a link to a blog that I read this morning.  Oh my goodness... such an insightful and thought provoking blog.  I am thankful I am not alone on this wild journey.  My life has taken a whirlwind turn and gone in directions I never knew existed.

Thankfulness for losing the weight I have lost and feeling fantastic!  I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for the journey I have been on.  Gratitude for myself for becoming a stronger person.  Relief in knowing that temptations do not get the best of me.  Gratitude for those along with me for the ride.
Thursday hands will be joined across tables to give Thanks.  Thanks that maybe the potatoes have a little less butter or cream cheese in them.  Thanks that there are two dishes of steamed green beans with almonds and oooh, that Pumpkin Fluff.  I will give thanks that I have a job (albeit part time, a job), good health, family I can't live without, and that I was able to finish the 3 mile walk earlier in the day with GE Run Through the Woods. What are you thankful for?  What will you express gratitude for?  Are you pleased you strategized and as a reward, that glass of wine has your name on it?

Gobble Gobble!! Happy Thanksgiving!

Just in case you need it....

I wish I may......I wish I might......first star I see tonight

"We don't wish for the easy stuff; we wish for the big things.  Things that are ambitious, out of reach.  We wish because we need help, and we're scared, and we know we may be asking too much.  We still wish though, because sometimes they come true."

It happens every week; Monday arrives with determination and a renewed sense of focus.  Monday is rarely liked but with its determination, it shows up time and time again.  The rest of the days are a little easier to handle.  I started this blog on Monday and yet here I am.....still trying to write it.  On one of my walks with my friend this week, she said something that made me think what a great subject.  I need to start stopping in my tracks then and there and take note.  

Wishes.  I remember being younger and looking through JCP Wishbook and other toy catalogs making my Christmas list. Writing them all down (with pictures too) and giving the list to my grandmother or mom.  This time of year, I think there are more wishes spoken aloud than any other time.  Wouldn't it be great if everyone had their own special genie who granted those wishes?

Although I started last week out on a bad mental note, I thought I ended up okay.  I got a little disappointed and agitated at the beginning of last week but by Wednesday I was feeling okay.  I think I got wrapped up in feeling good about covering whatever was annoying me with glitter I forgot to seriously track.  Plus, and not that it was bad food, I ate some things I normally don't eat.  You can guess what the result of last week was.  I wish every Sunday morning when I step on that scale that it continues to go down.  Sunday it did not.....sadly.  Although a small amount, I'll keep the number to myself; but it was disappointing.  

Although they are different than just a year or so ago, my wishes are still for big things.  At times when I would like to buy some clothes, buy something for myself, or do something spontaneous, I wish I had a full time job.  As I stand looking at myself in the mirror, I wish the extra skin would go away.  A magic wand could be waved and it would disappear.  I wish I could see myself the way other see me.   All wishes.  Hoping that one of two of them come true.  And I still have those wishes that almost every woman has.  Oh how sometimes I wish I had a fairy godmother.

Wishes are powerful things (this time I took a mental note of what she said....of course it helped it that we were almost home).  Hmmm.....powerful things.  This is true.  They can help us grow and make us realize it's okay to have help with wishes.  I am proof that some of my previous wishes have come true.....I wished that I could lose weight.  I wanted a phenomenal group of friends and the wish came true.

There are mornings when I wake up and wish I didn't have the struggles I deal with.  But then life would be perfect and what fun is that!?  Perfect life means no wishes.  No wishes!  I am learning that nothing is out of reach.  I just have to wish a little harder.

So get out your paper and pen and write down what you wish for.  Your Wish List.  It's okay to say them out loud.  You never know when they might come true!

When did this happen? And by the way.....who are you?

We assume the really serious changes in our lives happen slowly; over time.  That's not always true. The big stuff happens in an instant.  Becoming an adult, a parent, spouse; one minute you're not and the next you are.  Sometimes you don't even know any thing's changed.  You think, you're still you and your life is still your life.  But you wake up one day and look around and you don't recognize anything; not anything at all.  

Do you remember when you became a parent?  A spouse?  An adult? You're thinking nothing is going to change; but then BAM!  You're out in the world....grown up.  You're responsible for another human. Or you are now formally (and legally) part of a "we."  Sure, there was planning, but the changes were almost instant.  Yes, weight loss happens over time and there is planning and concentration; then all of a sudden the image in the mirror is not the same as before.  

I went to my cousin's baby shower over the weekend.  I walked in the house and both cousins and my aunt didn't recognize me.  They had only looked at pictures.  I wanted to tell them most days I don't recognize me!  I am once again at the doorstep of an amazing accomplishment. Will I make this my last stop before maintenance? Most likely. Some time ago, I remarked to a former co-worker I had a plan.  By the time I turned 45 I wanted to be at a healthy weight (or a weight I was happy with).  By the time maintenance and lifetime roll around, I will be ahead of schedule. And while it has taken time to lose the weight, some of the changes seem to be instantaneous.  I have learned important things along the way; it is important to be aware of the portion sizes of the food, measure just about everything, and track/journal everything.  Make sure you get in activity because that is important.

Last week I woke up one day and found that my stomach was just a little bit flatter.  And I felt different.  A good different but different just the same.  This experience.....or journey.....has been a whirlwind of physical and psychological complexities.  My smile can be beaming but these last few months of this significant weight loss has been more involved (and I suppose complex) than just a before and after picture.   I sometimes look in the mirror and don't know the person staring back at me.  I mean, who is this person that walks close to 12 miles every day?  I know when the trigger was pulled and what caused it.  And I can't go back.  I don't want to go back.

I got dressed the other day and the 36C bra I hooked into place wasn't feeling tight.  Should it?  I put on my pants and realized they were size 14.  When did that happen?  I am having a problem right now trying to catch up to this new me.  I have counted, measured, listened, and tracked for the last (almost) 2 years.  And all of a sudden I see a totally different person in the mirror.  When did all of this happen?  Who is this person?  This person who chose positivity over toxicity.

I tried on the rings that take up residence in my makeshift jewelry box.  I felt like Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  Slipped one on the ring finger....too big.  Slipped one on the middle finger........still too big.  Even the costume looking rings are no match for my small fingers.  At the shower, my cousin told me I looked like my mother.  My uncle first said my grandmother, then the other grandmother. Do I?  Look like those people?  Although a nice compliment, I just want to look like myself. Whatever that may look like.  And right now, I don't even recognize whoever I am to look like.

There are times I get confused as to who's who.  Times when I question certain things.  One minute Persephone is running the show, the next the insecure me cuts in.  Just proves I am very much still in the exploratory phase.  It's those moments I have to stop and ask who's on first.  And why is this happening? What does she have that I don't?  What if I am in those statistics that never find what I think I want?  Thank goodness for the friends that constantly remind me of how amazing I am and how worthy I am of something better than what I think of myself. A New York Times best selling author Geneen Roth  had this to say; "It's a fantasy, that when we lose weight, everything wrong in our lives is going to be right - that means our relationships are going to be right, we're going to feel completely differently about ourselves.  People are shocked to find out that this thing that they've been longing for and waiting for, working for is not what they thought it was."

There are those who are looking for someone who is going through this with them.  Rest assured I am going through this with you.  I have been.  I struggle with making sure I track every day, the temptations around me, and should I or shouldn't I eat that.  I am here to show you what the psychological part looks like.  Because one day, you are going to wake up after your amazing weight loss (whether it be 15, 25, 30, 50 or more pounds) and ask yourself, "When did this happen? And who are you?"  

No one ever said it would be easy......

"Sometimes, the key to making progress is to recognize how to take that very first step  Then you start your journey.  You hope for the best and you stick with it, day in and day out.  Even if you're tired, even if you want to walk away.  You don't.  Because you are a pioneer.  But nobody ever said it would be easy."

"Life is not a spectator sport.  Win, lose, or draw, the game is in progress whether we want it to be or not.  So go ahead.....argue with the refs, change the rules, cheat a little, and tend to your wounds. But play.  Play.  Play hard and play fast.  Play loose and free.  Play as if there's no tomorrow.  Okay, so it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game, right?"

I thought these quotes summed up this past week pretty well for some of you.  If you need something else; something to make you laugh, I think this will.  Picture it: an attorney's office in the middle of trial preparation.  We are all headless chickens at this point with trial just a week away.  Lights go out in the bathroom.  Our office has no janitorial service nor any "handyman" service.  While I am at the office trying to figure out a way to change the three fluorescent bulbs, the other assistant is running errands for our bosses.  He has pulled the "brother" card and told her not to come back to the office without a bulb for the bathroom.  Thanks to my pictures, she finds the bulbs and he also has told her to get their lunch before she heads back.  She waits and waits some more for their order......not waiting on the restaurant but our bosses to text her!  So she tells me that if she can't come back without a bulb, she's so not coming back without their sandwich!!  In the meantime I have hijacked a step ladder from another office.  At this point, the attorneys are so oblivious as to what is going on, we could be changing the light bulb in our underwear and they wouldn't know the difference.  She came back and we proceed to change the bulbs.....well, at least learn how to.  With me being the most graceful one (sarcastic laugh), I am on the top of the ladder.  She is keeping it grounded.  Together, we got the bulbs in and we had light in the bathroom once again.  After returning the ladder, I kidnapped a broom because I broke one of the burned out bulbs.  At least we were able to laugh about the day.

So, some of you had a bad minute last week.  And Halloween weekend didn't help the situation at all. I suppose all those fears got to some of us.  I hear stress also came to visit.  Stress can be a harmful thing.  So you might be dangling from the wagon or completely off of it.  You might have been at mile 98 and turned back....not on purpose but turned back you did. It is scary to think about starting from square one again.  You feel uneasy about walking in that door to a meeting, stepping on the scale and seeing the damage.  I know!  I've been there......more times than I care to count.

But you know how to get the job done.  I don't think I wrote about this....forgive me if I have.  You can skip to the next paragraph if this sounds familiar.   It was my stint with Weight Watchers before my high school reunion.  I know I've written about the reunion, but I don't think I mentioned how frustrated I was after the first week.  I stepped on the scale and was up 2 pounds.  I cussed out the program and exaggerated a little.  I shouted I didn't understand because I drank like 2 gallons of water....okay so it was more like 1 gallon of the course of the entire week.  But I knew what to do and finally got my mind with the program.

I'm not saying you don't know what it takes.  Sometimes the mind needs recharged and given a refresher course as to why we're doing what we're doing.  Then sometimes the bad minute is because we get complacent with where we are.  I experienced that not too long ago.  I became comfortable with where I was at the time and the exploration of my new self had started.  Then I realized how complacent and comfortable I was and recharged my mindset.  I reminded myself of why I started this journey.....what caused me to start this journey.

The door to Weight Watchers is ALWAYS open!  No need to watch everyone else go in.  If dangling off the wagon, grab hold with the other hand and pull up.  Climb back on and smile!  If chasing the wagon, just shout and it will wait.  We know what it takes to get the job done.  It's scary! I know how scary it can be.  I knew it took 3 bulbs for the bathroom light.  With a little help the job got done. And no one likes failure!  When the numbers don't go in the right direction, those feelings show themselves.  When I was told my position at the courthouse was eliminated, I was heartbroken.  I talked with my old boss.  Among agreeing to give me a reference, he said if someone called, he'd be honest and tell them I cry but I get over it real quick and move on.  Have a cry, get angry, then move on.  Know what it takes to get back on the wagon and get the job done.

Have a great week!  Summer has made its exit and Fall has arrived!  Make plans to enjoy it.

Spooks and fears show up not just on Halloween

"Fear: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise"

Boo!  It's Halloween this weekend and I guess you could say the start of the holiday season.  For people trying to lose weight, this time can be more stressful than a day at the office.  Spooks, witches, and fears may be the main characters for Halloween, but for some, fears show up every day  

After a week without yoga, I was glad to go to class this week.  The teacher even worked the Halloween holiday into our practice.  There were some spooky poses such as "flying witch" and "hanging tree."  And we must not forget "Demon" down dog!  

I started thinking of my fears.   Yes, even I have fears.  And they are very real.  I have a fear of thunderstorms.  Not the mild ones during the day that come and go but the severe ones during the night.  You don't know what's happening because it's already dark.  Along the same lines, there's the fear of a tornado taking the roof off my house.  I'll be the one that the news helicopter zooms in on while I'm hiding in the bathtub!

Although this is quite morbid to think about, I have a fear that when I leave this earthly place, I will not have known love and there won't be anyone at my funeral.  I've been to funerals where the sanctuary is packed and I've been to some where just a handful of people show up to pay their respects.  I'd like something in between.  My main fear, though, is I won't have known love and had someone in my life that I was their everything.

Recently, though, I have new fears.  And I suppose it comes along with losing weight....any amount really.  Fear of gaining it back......any of it back.  I fear that I'll wake up one morning and it's all been a dream.  Guess that's why I haven't really allowed myself to take time for the big OMG moment. That's a fear every day, not just on Halloween.  I know I should be able to have, for example, a Chick-Fi-La sandwich.  But, for me, it's just not a sandwich.  My fear is that I have a sandwich, then  I'll want the fries and so on.  It is a real fear.  That is why I choose to stay away from fast food.

Same goes for a cookie.  As I am still learning how to handle temptation and my fears, having just ONE cookie is not an option for me right now.  Just ONE cookie?!  Really.  The fear is that I will have that cookie and tell myself one more won't hurt.  Then 2 becomes 3 and so on.  It all adds to one big fear.  That is that if I have fast food, something that was a staple in my life not so long ago, I will allow my former self to come back.  I know I am much stronger than that, yet I am scared just the same.  I might just fall to temptation.

The point when you choose to be done losing and then try to maintain it is scary to me.  Maybe that's why I flew past my original goal and reset it.  I am scared that when I enter maintenance, it will take me just as long to maintain that 2 lb. range either way as when I started.  Or that a nudge will push me into losing more.  At what point do I stop?  My friends say I stop when I am happy with me.  Oh, but only one knows just how highly competitive I am with myself.  My fear is that I will fail at maintenance.

And lastly, I fear I won't know quite what to do with myself.  What happens after maintenance and lifetime?  I go out into the world!  Do I continue my 12+ mile walking routine?  Do I dress a little sexier?  I have no idea what I am supposed to do with this new self.

It's Halloween!  That means ghosts, witches, spooks, and fears.  We all have fears.  I would be surprised if yours show up only during Halloween and the months following.  So, with your fears, do you forget everything you've learned and run or will you face them and rise?  It will be time before I can face some of mine.....mainly the food related ones.  But I am hoping I can face them and rise above them.

It's all in my head....really

I start the week ever closer to ending another chapter in my life.  I wasn't optimistic about getting on the scale this morning but glad I did.  I am just 11 lbs from losing an astounding 200 lbs.  I can't believe it.....200 lbs.!!!

I never anticipated my life taking the path that it has.  I have conquered more fears and things I never thought about doing.  I am constantly in awe of how many people say I inspire and motivate them.  I walk the 10+ miles every day because once I started, I found out I like the walking.  I feel awesome that I am able to do it and great after I walk those miles. I stay away from fast food because it is a trigger for me.  Same goes for cookies and chips (especially those served at Papasitos!). While I love, love, love you following my blog and my weight loss, I've left out one thing.  Results can vary.  Yes, the weight has come off somewhat quicker than normal, but I think my insulin injections contributed to that.  I am no longer on insulin.  I walk 10+ miles a day because like I said, once I started, I realized I love it.  I blame the fitbit challenges for that.  Ha!  And some of it may be in head.  So, with all of that out of the way.......

As women, we tend to over analyze EVERYTHING.  The smallest of things become bigger than life, causing us to stress over them needlessly.  Someone might say it's all in our heads.  

I used to tell myself that men didn't approach me because my chest wasn't bigger or I wasn't as thin as the next person.  Friends told me that was my perception.  

On that day when I was discharged from the hospital, I went home with more information about diabetes than I cared to.  My head was overwhelmed with eat this, eat that, no not that.  I would have to use a blueprint to make my plate at every meal.  Pair that with Weight Watchers and my blond brain was on overload.  I think I felt like I couldn't handle it.  It was just too much.  And you might say that feeling was all in my head.  

I was learning how to inject myself with insulin as well as what foods were diabetic friendly.  No full size baked potato for me; instead, it was suggested I eat smaller potatoes.  And if I had a starchy vegetable such as corn or rice, I couldn't have bread with dinner.  Having grapes meant having only 17 of them.  I could eat a banana, but only half.  It was a ballgame with many rules. Toss in Weight Watchers and my head contained a lot of information.  If I was going to be successful I would have to commit to tracking what I put in my mouth.  I eventually had numbers in my head of how many points were in a 1/2 cup of corn or rice.  

Before my journey began on Weight Watchers and diabetes, when I would settle in for an evening of pizza, enough popcorn for an army, and perhaps a cookie, I would tell myself I had a rough day or I'd start seriously come Monday.  Having to buy clothes at just one store was because fashion designers were making clothes smaller.  That's what I would tell myself.

I knew I had to lose weight in order to be healthier and live longer.  Lose weight to get the diabetes under control.   I was so wrapped up in balancing my diabetes and Weight Watchers and mainly watching what I was eating, I didn't realize what was going on in my head.  People started to notice a change in me after I lost 100 pounds.  I was liking this start of a transformation.  

Over the next months, I concentrated on watching what I ate and being accountable as well.  I watched the weight start to come off.  I increased my activity, doing some things for the first time. But, even though the weight came off, in my head I still saw myself as the old me.  Before I embarked on this journey, I always just assumed that once I lost weight everything would be right with the world.  I would get called back for that interview the heavier me missed.  Once I lost weight, I would no longer have just one store to shop in.

I am now a year and half into this journey of mine.  That might be the equivalent of someone traveling the world, I don't know.  After losing 189 pounds, I have learned that it's all in my head.  I am now at the point where the mental work really begins.  I suppose I've been in denial about the entire transformation.

This is a very personal journey for me.  I am learning the person I'm evolving to be is probably who I was meant to be.  Everything is not right with the world even after losing close to 200 pounds.  I am not talking about the physical aspects........you know - the reality of being able to wear any clothes, the fact that I am now wearing a bra size I haven't seen since my teen years, or that none of my rings fit, not even the beautiful one my grandmother used to wear.  At the age of 44, not quite halfway to 45, I am finally learning to live my life!

I am learning how to handle those people that can't quite adjust to the ongoing changes.  The other night while on my You Tube page, in their recommendations for me was a Victoria Secret fashion show video.  Not sure why it showed up but I remember thinking years ago if I lost weight I could look like one of their models.  My body would magically transform itself into a model figure.  Wrong!  All in my head.

In the beginning there is the focus on changing over to healthy eating habits and the commitment to losing weight.  There is the enjoyment when numbers go down on the scale and in sizes with clothes. At what point does the mental work begin is usually up to the person.  Some people can handle the mental part along with losing the weight and changing their mindset.  Some, like me, it comes towards the end.  I now have different information and visions in my head.  I don't have to look like a Victoria Secret model to wear their clothes.  Nor do I have to look like one, if by chance, if I am given the opportunity to wear some wings!  Ha!  I am wearing sizes I had dreamed of wearing.

At the same time, those prior food triggers are still in my head as well as my fears.  I have to use my new found control to keep them far away.  So I am ever evolving and no doubt it's still all in my head.

Ummm.....what do you mean? [head cocked to one side]

Apologies for the tardiness in posting this.  Along with trial prep, I needed to think of the words I wanted to use.  Yes, this blog is about my journey, but I want the words to be understood and relatable.

Is there someone in your life that you can tell anything to and they will almost always agree with you?  I have two people like that.  And this week while walking the trails on Trail Tuesday, never have I been in sync with one of them more than on this day.  The conversation that followed what I said to her was nothing short of amazing. 

Have you ever wondered why some people ask you certain questions? Why ask how you are if they don't really care to know?  By no means am I saying that people aren't sensitive or actually want to know how you're doing.  So some of you may gasp at what I write next and others might have a light bulb go off in their head and say, I know the feeling!  I mentioned to my trail buddy that it occurred to me that when I give people a Cliff's Notes version of my story and end it with how much I have lost, the first question out of their mouth - after they pick their jaw up off the ground - is "You must feel great!"  Well, I suppose it's not a question but a statement but it's conveyed that way.   Now, on the other side of that coin are those that know me that may ask "Do you feel better?" You may be thinking, what's the difference?  Well, my friends and support team know me and what my journey has been like.  But it's those people that don't know you......the strangers.  

I must feel great.  Now, I suppose that may be the only question/statement that comes to mind when they've just heard how much I have lost.  Maybe they think they'd insult me or offend me if they asked how I did it or how long it took to lose it.  But to assume I must feel great baffles me.  And this is why:

Happiness of one's self is a personal journey and story.  Who are these people saying I must feel anything? They didn't know me when I was at my heaviest.  My friend said she was looking on my facebook page the other day and saw older photos of me.  She said I was smiling in all of them.  For all she or the strangers knew, I could have felt great back then or was happy.  It's almost like a mandated emotion I'm supposed to feel.  They do not know the story behind the weight loss.

I've mentioned this to several of my friends, mostly the new ones......the ones that have heard my story in bits along the way.  They tend to agree with me.  I don't want you to think you can't say anything like that to me.  We know each other and I have allowed you into my thoughts and on this personal journey.  When someone I don't even know says a comment like that, this is what I would like to say:

Why must I feel great?  Honestly, I feel ashamed that I betrayed my body and let my weight get as high as it did.   I am embarrassed that I didn't stay on track all those years ago after I lost 93 pounds to maintain that loss.  And further, to be truthful, when I was my heaviest and would eat junk food like the world was ending, after the initial food high, I felt sick.   So, no I do not feel great.  Do they really know what it takes to lose 200 pounds to know how great I should feel?  Do they realize the struggle is real and it's a forever thing?  Do they?  In order for them to say I must feel great.

There are days I feel tired from this "fight mode" as my friend Laura calls it.  I have no one to blame for this fight mode that I am in but me.  This transformation and journey has been anything but easy and not so great in the beginning.  Do they realize what it takes for me to crawl out of bed 6 days a week at 4:30 a.m. and walk 6 miles before the sun comes up?  And do it all over again before it goes down.  I write down everything (okay, just about everything) I eat.  I will always journal what I eat.  I am in a battle that will last a lifetime.   There is a fear in me that I will put some of the weight back on.

This is a personal journey and my emotions are nothing short of a whirlwind.  Yes, I feel great after I walk 6, 8, or 10+ miles.  Yes I feel great when I work hard during the week and I reap the rewards on Sunday morning.  I feel great when I eat healthy and my body thanks me.  But I feel great because I want to.  Not because someone tells me I must feel great.

The only thing we must be able to do is this journey our way.  If anything, we must be able to experience all kinds of emotions.  We can feel great one day, but also feel sad or frustrated the next.  For me, and most of us, it's a continuing journey.  I'll be forever transforming and discovering things about myself and this lifestyle.  No one should be told they must feel anything.  Our emotions are just that.....our emotions.  Feel great because you want to!

Have a great week!  If you're new to my blog, don't forget me.  It may be a wild ride.....a wild glittery ride!