Out of darkness We Rise

If for some reason you do not know what has happened in the last week, let me fill you in. Southeast Texas became the target for Hurricane Harvey 2018.  The most devastating, catastrophic hurricane in the last dozen years.  That's what meteorologists say anyway.  And I would tend to agree with them.  It struck the Corpus Christi area first last Friday in the predawn hours and then meandered before making up its mind.  While stuck in limbo, it brought flooding rains to what I call home.  I don't just mean scattered floods.  I mean floods turning streets into rivers.  

Although I was very, very fortunate to not lose power, stay high and dry (as well as my car), I was stuck inside because of Harvey.  What a name?!  He came in with a force, screwed up everything everyone had ever planned.  I became good friends with my treadmill and the one in our fitness room. I was determined to make my 10k step goal each day and I was successful.   I didn't storm the stores beforehand for "hurricane food."  This was a good time to clean, I told myself.  But sitting in front of the television, drinking my coffee, I felt compelled to watch what was going on around me.  I felt productive just being able to walk and work out to get to those 10k steps.  

I was actually glad there were no chips and dip in the house.  No cookies, Twinkies, candy, anything that might be considered a pass during this tragedy.  I would open my refrigerator door and stare at the contents from time to time.  But also realizing I had to save what I had since stores would be almost bare.  I was worried I would want to eat.  That ended up not being the case.  I made some skinny muffins (and they tasted great)....2 SP for lemon ones and 1 SP for cherry vanilla.  So all you do is take 1 lemon cake mix, 1 container of lemon yogurt (I used Dannon Key Lime) and 1 cup of water.  Mix altogether and bake these delicious mini treats for 15 minutes.  I was able to get 50 or so little muffins.  For the Cherry Vanilla muffins, use Betty Crocker Cherry Chip cake mix, 1 cup of plain Greek yogurt (I guess you could use cherry yogurt), and 1 cup of water.  Same principal, different flavor.  I did eat those on Sunday.  I was going to track all week, but abandoned that idea.  Not sure why. It wasn't like I was eating things I shouldn't.  Tracking just wasn't a priority.  

I noticed I was feeling like I had lost some more weight.  My Weight Watchers location was closed so I have continued with the momentum for last week thru this week.  I am stoked to see what my loss is come Friday morning.  Out of boredom, I looked at clothes in my closet.  Since putting on about 20 lbs., some things became snug fitting.  I tried on some pants I had put on the back burner and they fit! I thought, oh goodness!  Then I tried on a dress I specially bought for an event a couple of years ago.  It fit!  I was elated.  

Maybe I'm out of my slump.   Out of the phase of eating chocolate and graham crackers.  Eating things just to eat.  I tried riced cauliflower recently and like it.  I am getting back to honoring my body and treating it with the healthiest possible choices.  Although I think maybe a tender, sensitive tooth or gum may play a part.  

I realize it's hard to stay strong during tragedies like this.  I could have filled my basket at the store with cookies, chocolate chips, etc.  I could have eaten the rest of the chocolate cheerios.  I could have succombed to a few glasses of wine.  But I didn't. I knew I needed to be strong. If I had lose some weight, I didn't want to ruin it.  I was couped up in my house for 3 days.  Yogurt, oranges, a few apples, cheerios, and strawberries was the extent of my inventory.  I am headed back to that happy number.  I am so proud of myself for working hard the 2d time around and getting it back off before it became a hurricane itself.

In tough, and I mean tough, times like this, sometimes we surprise ourselves.  We become stronger and empowered.  We give ourselves a pat on the back for not touching the cookies someone brought in.  It can only get better.  Think of it as milestone.  Progression.  If we can weather a storm like Harvey, and be a Weight Watcher, and look up at the sun and smile, then we can tackle anything.  

What's so scary about commitment?

"Commitment is what makes a promise into reality."  "Commitment comes as a result of choice, not conditions." 

Why do people find it hard to commit to something?  Is it the fear of what might happen if there is success?  Or what might happen if there is a failure?

In order to be committed to losing that extra weight, walk a little more.  Eat more fruits and veggies. Definitely skip those extra glasses of wine.  After 5 glasses (and 20 SP), no one looks attractive. There has to be commitment.  Set the alarm; maybe rip off the snooze button so it can't be used. Totally skip the donut case and go straight for the fruit and vegetables.  

What's causing that not to happen?  Fear?  Losing weight can be difficult for some, especially if the struggle has been the entire life.  Don't even mention body image.  From a young age, I battled with my body image.  It got worse as I got older to the point I didn't like looking in the mirror.  But once I made the commitment to better myself and become healthier, the fear lessened.  Before I started Weight Watchers this last time, that brought me to success, I had been a perpetual member.  Joining, losing maybe 5-10 lbs, then quitting.  My mind, I suppose, wasn't ready for complete lifestyle change. That is until my health intervened and said we had no choice.  There was the commitment to lose weight and become healthier, or commit to die.  

I will admit I am a creature of habit.  However, I embraced the changes I needed to make in order to live the rest of my life.  But I won't lie, it was difficult navigating through the early stages to get there.  The early change was fast and furious.  So much I didn't stop to take time to embrace it.  This time around, the change is somewhat tough and slow.   I have always had a fear of failure that the weight would find its way back.  And the fear has come to fruition.  I feel my commitment this time around is not as strong.  I need to find out why.  

In this commitment-phobic world, it's so easy to abandon something fear of failure at it.  If I truly wan to lose this weight I put back on, then my commitment must be steadfast and strong.  There are days I feel like giving up.  I have felt discouraged lately.  But if I gave up, what would that say? Who would win?  

Not sure why I can't wrap my head around it again like before.  Is it because I've become too comfortable?  Too relaxed?  There are days I am not honest with myself.  The old adage and anecdote, If no one sees you eat it, then it didn't count, crosses my mind.  I eat things I shouldn't.  Mainly on Sunday after the meeting.  

I do not fear commitment.  I welcome commitment; in relationships - whether with another person or myself.  At this moment, it appears I have to be committed to myself.  If you didn't read, I have abandoned my dating blog and the idea of finding love altogether.  So right now, I am committed to myself.  So what is the next strategy?  Commit to walk 5 miles in the morning. Not 4.5 or 4.75.  Not enough to get my 10k steps.  Commit to NO MORE chocolate.  Yes, I ate chocolate on Sundays.  

Commitment.  It's a dangerous word.  But if it's embraced, it can be your friend.  Reality can grow from promises.   

Christina

All roads lead back to a little 3 letter word: YOU

I'm back! Miss me?  I have let my Weight Watchers and my other followers down it seems like.  I started this blog to chronicle my weight loss and healthy lifestyle journey.  To be honest, I guess I forgot about it.  I've been in a rut lately.  Although I'm still what seems like miles from that goal weight that awarded me the Lifetime status, I was starting to make some headway, entering back into Onederland.  Then I don't know what happened.  I ate graham crackers and other things.  But I am happy to report it's coming off again.  My doctor also adjusted my thyroid medication.  And I changed jobs to one that doesn't have the temptation of food every day.  I am getting home maybe 30 minutes later so I'm not letting my car auto steer itself to the store to pick up something I don't need. Thought I would do the same subject as my dating adventures blog.  Although the 3 letter word for the dating post is a different one.  Hop on over and take a look.  

I look back on my journey thus far.  I have changed so much.  I am eating healthier.  Trying to make somewhat healthier choices.  But I feel like I reached the 100 miles, turned around and headed back in the opposite direction. Instead of going forward in a different direction towards a new goal. Stopping halfway to realize I was not headed in the right direction.  

Ever wonder if this is a just a big circle that keeps going round and round?  There is a starting point and an end, but the end point is the same as the starting point.  Maybe look at it this way.  When one goal is reached and the circle seems complete, begin another goal.  You may say or think, I've heard that before. I know I have.  But I'm also a fine one to talk.  I haven't done that.  I was at my goal weight for a minute (literally not long enough) and now I'm having to relive the road to that goal. Albeit not as long, still the same road.  It's a little worn.  But it'll end with me.  Maybe I'll be a little healthier and wiser this time.  

I know the theory/idea of six degrees is not foreign to most.  I haven't really paid attention to it, but while writing this post, it came to mind.  I'm not going to dissect the 6 degrees, but putting thought into it, you are the common element on your weight loss journey.  If asked why, the answer may be for children, for health, or otherwise, but it all ends up with YOU.  YOU want to do it for your children.  YOU want to live healthier, wiser.  YOU want to give up whatever medications being taken.

I have been struggling for the last year with my 20+ weight gain.  I was so sure I could stay at my goal weight.  All I can say is that I'm stubborn.  I thought I had it figured out.  My doctor even pointed out that I was steadily increasing.  The same doctor who boasted that I was a success story.  I felt embarrassed.  I worked so hard to reach 200 lbs lost.  He was fine with me losing 180 but I pleaded with him to approve me losing 200 even.  And now here I am.  I realize it's a life long commitment.  I know I'll get back to that goal and then I will have to learn how to maintain.  The road will one day lead back to me.  I always am in awe of what I did.  All by myself.  The old, heavier me, would have probably given up.  Would have kept going backward to end up at the very beginning.  Not this improved, present me.  I turned around and am headed back in the right direction.   I'm doing it with awesome friends that I adore and plenty of sparkly Glitter!!

Have a great week!
Christina 

It's a great picture when all the puzzle pieces come together

This post is a bit of a cross over with my dating blog.  The subjects are the same....puzzles.  Mainly the puzzle pieces.  After reading this one, I invite you to hop on over to my dating blog.  I may be a weight losing, glitter carrying diva, but I am also Dating and Afraid.  Just a little humor.  This is where you might laugh.  

There are so many puzzle pieces and the outcome when they come together is unlike the kind of puzzle you might buy at a store.  Once those puzzle pieces are put together, it's either a group of kittens or a collage of ice cream cones.  But, in a way, both take a while to complete.  The weight loss puzzle starts out with all these pieces and it's up to us to put them together correctly for a workable outcome.  In the beginning, we uncover the puzzle pieces one at a time.  And it can be aggravating and challenging.  There may be times when we might feel we are missing a piece or two.  A piece we just know will fit.

Those of us who have chosen to change our lifestyle and live it healthier, might feel like this change is a jigsaw puzzle.  Certain aspects of this healthy lifestyle, weight loss journey, are pieces.  We have to sort them out and fit them together.  Then Ta-Da!  We have solved the puzzle.  As with the many times before when I joined Weight Watchers, I hoped that everything would come easy to me. Like that 500 piece puzzle.  You think, 500 pieces!  Easy breezy!  It takes time.

That starter kit looks shiny and new.  Everything is laid out on the table and once the material is studied, you realize it will take some time to sort out.  Then reality hits home and the thought "Oh my goodness!  What did I just do?" might enter your head.  I know it entered mine.  Especially after I found out I was diabetic and everything had to change.

In order for the puzzle to stay together, a framework must be put in place.  A health conscious eating plan.  Good guidelines learned at Weight Watcher meetings.  A list of healthy options; fruit, vegetables, lean protein, good fat,etc.  If you're bold, maybe some bathroom scales.  A food scale to weigh all that deliciousness.  The framework has to be solid.   There might be a lot of pieces with the same color.  And it can be really boring at times.  There's excitement at the beginning but then life and every day routines kick in and results might be, well, amazing.  But despite efforts, the puzzle is taking time to come together.  Sow how do you get them to fit?

As long as the program is followed, then results will be good.  A pound lost here, 2 lbs. lost there. Awesome!  Good habits are formed and a circle of support is built.  Support is essential to help getting through difficult, sometimes challenging, times.  Then there will be days when you want to toss the puzzle back in the box, hands go up in the air.  That's where the awesome support comes in! To keep focus on the finished picture.

Eventually the puzzle pieces come together and the picture of a healthier person comes into view. That's how I felt when I reached my final goal.  All the hard work, trying to sort out the puzzle, putting it together, walking away from it at times, paid off.  I am rewarded every day by good health, energy and growing confidence.

All those new healthy habits that formed the framework are not going to budge.  There might be pieces still to be gathered but it will only make the picture more amazing when it's finally completed.
Have a great weekend!

Christina

It's story time..........where's your book?!

I'm sure memories of mom, dad, and even grandma and grandpa telling stories (most of the time made up) are still alive.  My grandmother knew the story of the Teeny Tiny Woman by heart.  She lived in a Teeny Tiny House and.....oh, where was I?!  Yes, it's story time, but a different kind.  Find a comfortable spot, maybe turn down the light, grab that book that you love so much.  You know which one I'm talking about. Maybe it has many volumes or it's the first of a series.  Are the edges tattered? Frayed?  Or maybe they are still looking brand new.  

My book has many chapters.  About 10 I think.  It's non-fiction and unlike most stories or books, where the climax usually happens in the middle, the excitement starts with Chapter One.  It had been building over the years.  And the pages are waterlogged and crinkly.  The cover has come off a few chapters.  But I wouldn't trade it in for the world.  Would you?  There is no end to jump ahead to.  In fact, there is no end.  A member of my Weight Watcher meeting had a great description.  Her book was like a book that gave you choices, if you choose this path, continue with this story.  I thought that was a great way to look at it.  In a way, this blog I keep is my book.  Feel free to reread some of the chapters.  

Before I go on, here's a little tid bit most of you do not know.  I have written a true book.  A love story.  No, it's not been published, although I'd like for it to be.  A love, happily ever after story. When I wrote it and typed it, we were still in the age of "floppy" discs - the 3.5 kind!  I know!  Well, something happened with the disc and I lost everything I had written up to that point. I was devastated.  I ended up REWRITING the entire thing.  So now you know something about me. Maybe one of these days it will be in the book stores and you can say "I know that girl!  She has accomplished great things!"

The beginning of this book started long before I was diagnosed with diabetes, before I accomplished this great feat and started this blog.   The other day I looked back at the first chapter.  First chapter of what was going to be an awesome journey!  Maybe the name should be "Chapter One: Weight Watchers, here I come."  I am in awe of how my book looks.  I remember emotions I felt at certain points.  Like the day before my 20th HS reunion and emotions ran high as I had lost 41 lbs.  More than I had aimed for.  Or the night I joined Weight Watchers (before the hospital visit) and cried after stepping on the scale because I had not reached 400 lbs. And how about the day I reached both goals. The first one losing 180 lbs.  Then the second one losing 202 lbs!  

Would I rewrite my book?  I don't think so.  For a minute, I thought I might.  But then I wouldn't be the person I am today.  I wouldn't be a strong, empowered and determined woman if I had not gone through what I did.  I may not be the person who enjoys 5ks or looks forward to Thursday night yoga. As I have seen posted and written many times, life doesn't happen by accident.  If I rewrote my book, would I have still me being diagnosed with diabetes.  Umm.....that's a hard one.  Maybe, maybe not. Although I was headed in a downward spiral if I hadn't done something, being diagnosed with diabetes saved my life.  That would be Chapter 8: Diabetes - Friend or foe"  It ended up being my friend.  

This book will never end.  It sort of reminds me of when the meeting leader handed out journals every week for members to record in. Each week she would pick them up and recirculate them. Each of us adds on to this book.  A personal touch is added.  It will never be completed.   

Where are you in your book?  Are you just starting? Or have you gone back and thought of how you felt at certain points?  Is it decorated?  Keep it close by and hopefully it will be one to go back to time and time again.  Only to reread. Not to rewrite.  

Have an awesome weekend.....

I'll be sprinkling Glitter all the Weigh!

Christina 

We are the face of Weight Watchers.....We are Weight Watchers

For those who have just begun this awesome healthy journey or have been on it for awhile, there is a final resting place for our former selves.  The event that changed my life was so scary, so matter of fact.  I felt like I was in the last quarter of the game and I had one chance to score. This is our past, fellow Weight Watchers.  How we got here is different, yet the same.  We have walked in each other's shoes.  This is who we are....Today.  I want to talk about the opponent.  They're salty, sweet, chocolaty, and in a box / package, they look much better.  And they know it too.  But let me tell you something they don't know.  They don't know your will power.  You do.  I do.  You have shown it may times, inspiring others along the way. Friends, family, and leaders have seen it. Celebrating every small victory with you! Shown yourselves just exactly who you are.  How committed - how strong you have become.  

There will be times when being benched is the way to go.  When that happens, cheer on the teammates, encourage them to give it all they've got.  Offer support and guidance to those that fear they'll throw the game.  

When you step on that scale, feel proud of what you've done.  Own up to any slips.  With every ounce of courage in your body, lay it on the line until the scale registers the final number.  If you do that, you cannot lose (speaking figuratively of course!).  We may be behind on the scale at the end of the day but work the program, and defeat will not show its face.  There are those who are the biggest supporters but cannot be on the journey, but they watch from where they are.  You can bet they'll be clapping and smiling with every pound lost.  How you (and I) work the program, from this moment on, is how we will succeed.  Will inspire.  This is an opportunity to rise up and grab those Weight Watcher charms!  

We are....Weight Watchers!  We are....powerful!  WE are.....the many faces of Weight Watchers! 

And it doesn't hurt to have poms poms full of glitter!  

Christina 

When it feels so right and like the first time

So I weighed in on Sunday (skipped last week since it was Easter) and lost 1.4 lbs.  I was hoping to lose a little more to get back to Onderland; but that just means my arrival in Onderland will be next week.  I've been missing Onderland so much.  Not sure if something in Twoterville was beckoning me to visit, but I'm ready to go back home.  

For some reason, an Alabama song was in my head.  So was a Foreigner song so I don't know what was going on.  

I have lost the last few weeks straight.....I think.  I think it's because I went back to the beginning...or am trying to get there.  I returned to my Sunday meetings and taking salads to work.  And it feels right.  I veered off the main path and thought I'd like a change.  Well, if anyone knows me well enough, they know I do not like change.  I worked hard to get to goal before the new Smart Points program, even though whether on maintenance or not, I'd have to learn to work it.

This is the first time I have actually cared to know how much I have lost/gained.  I wasn't looking at my number - not because it's not supposed to be about the number but because I didn't want to see how shameful I was going to be at myself - and that wasn't good.  I was in denial a little bit.  If I didn't look at that number, I could still play it off as being somewhat close to my number.  I couldn't seem to get out of the rut I was in.  And the rut got bigger and bigger.  I knew if I didn't do something I would soon lose control and land somewhere I didn't want to be.

So after my last relationship ended (hop over to my dating page to read more) I decided I had the time to focus on me again.  Put myself first.  Some mornings I would only walk half of what I normally did (5 miles) just so I could come in early to work.  I asked myself why?  I have always been told the work would still be here.  It has taken me a looong time to realize that.  It took a sit down with my supervising attorney for me to see that and to realize I'm a type A personality.  Me?  I never thought I was but apparently I am when it comes to my job.  So I walk my entire 5 miles (or until I get to my step goal for the day) and then I do a 10 minute circuit work out.  I am tracking again, even though I have to do it on the computer since I don't have the app, and sometimes it's hard to remember.  I've started prepping salads again.  It feels like the first time around when the weight was coming off.  I'm getting back to eating healthy.

I mentioned to my friend (and soul sister) that when I didn't eat the chocolate and snacky stuff, I feel much better.  Yet when I was in the rut, I would eat things I knew better.  I would have the chocolate, the pizza and not track it.  Looking at the points I have thinking, I have my weeklies and fit points left. When in reality, I probably was going through my weeklies on Sunday.  I wasn't being honest with myself.

I am committed to getting the weight of 2 boyfriends off and keeping it off.  I am focused on once I get to my happy number to learning how to maintain it.  Once I get back to that number, it will NEVER go back on.  I am committed to making sure of that.  Boyfriends come and go, but I will always be on this journey.  They can be passengers, but I am in the drivers seat.  And now that I am on the main path again, it feels so right, kind of like the first time.

I know I have now put Alabama and Foreigner in your heads!  Just roll with it!  And remember, have fun with this journey...add glitter all the weigh!

Christina