Who is your Inner Self (we all have them)? They help us with transitions!

Was last week hard for you? It was for me! Whew! At the beginning, I looked forward to having Labor Day off and then as the week progressed I was just happy when bedtime came so I could collapse.  I was very hard on myself this week.  Plus, some party food made an appearance.  I did well at breakfast and at lunch, but it was the night life that had the party food.  What else is trending? Let's see.....not to toot my horn again, but I won the work week challenge.  And my body was not happy with me.  I really really overdid it.  I switched out the LARGE fitbit wristband for the small wristband.  The manager of my apartment commented on how happy I looked and at peace with myself.  And I was actually funny.  Guess it's all that decluttering I've done in my head.....looking forward to filling that space with glittery things.

Oh!  The biggest thing trending......a couple of weeks ago my wonderful leader encouraged me to send in my success story to Weight Watchers.  I filled out a form and submitted it along with my story.  This past week Weight Watchers emailed me asking for a before and current picture.  Not sure what that means...if I'm one step closer to being chosen.  And I'm not sure what it means if I'm chosen but it's exciting.

So I've talked about my inner goddess.....Persephone.  She's even guest written a post.  Persephone is there to help me transition into this new me that's emerging as a result of my journey.  She helps me realize I can do anything and do it with conviction.  And while she remained somewhat quiet in the beginning, she is now out in full force.  Lately she has been Persephone the Drill Sergeant!  Every time I enter a fitbit challenge she jumps up and down because she knows she gets to work the heck out of me!  I was talking to my walking partner - and wonderful new friend - about Persephone and how last week I wanted to stuff her back in the little box she emerged from.  She just laughed and said sorry, I don't think she'll fit in the box anymore.  Before I know it, Persephone will have me ready for world domination!

Her favorite color may be pink, but she is fierce.  She is here to stay and right now her main job, along with maintaining my walking routine of 10+ mi a day, is helping me with this transition. Speaking of walking, this morning in the meeting, I was talking to a fellow member about how mouths drop when I say how much I walk.  And how to me it's normal and routine, but this member said, "But it's not normal!"  This is a huge transition for me.  Six months ago, let alone a year ago, if someone had told me I would lose 185.6 lbs. and my journey would be to lose 200, I would laugh in their face.  My inner goddess is there to reassure me this is possible and while there are days I want to stuff her back in the box, it's all part of the journey.  She makes sure I do not turn back at mile 98 and start all over.  Persephone does not always like the decisions I make, but she supports them just the same.

We are all going through transitions.....to be better people.  Healthier, stronger, and happier people.  Have you noticed the transitions around recently?  The air is a little cooler signaling fall is on its way.  Summer has ended and the year is continuing on its path to its conclusion.  Believe it or not, those on a weight loss journey are always transitioning.  And we have those inner selves to help us. They help us make healthier choices and help us celebrate when we do.  They make us go on that walk when we really just want to stay home and sit on the couch.  Who is your inner self?  Is she like Persephone?  Youthful, innocent, yet as on the journey, can begin to consciously decide for herself.  Also a reminder of a indication of fall....reminder of the growth and hope a transition brings. How do they help you with your transition?

The story of "I'd love to, but......."

Good morning!  I know, two posts in one week!  Hope the week has started off fantastic for most of you.  Some of you know what my profession is.  If you do not, I am a legal assistant.  I have worked in the legal field for the last 15-18 years.  I became interested in the legal field when I worked for a state district judge at our local courthouse.  It was a very interesting five years.  I learned so much. The judge I worked for is a very nice man, although intimidating at times.  He used to play for several pro football teams and stands at least 6'2"!  Anyway, shortly after I started working for him, he told me a story about people being chosen for jury duty.  The potential jurors were required to call our office with any issues serving.  He told me a story between "I'd love to.... and But........"  A potential juror calls and says, "I'd love to come serve on the jury, but....."  And while for the most part, their reason for but was not a valid one, there were some valid ones mixed in.  

When I thought of that story, I thought it would make a good blog.  How many times have you said, "I'd love to, but......?"  Maybe it was spoken with the thought of a weight loss journey.  "I'd love to start Weight Watchers (or maybe some other diet), but......" and you can fill in the excuse.  Has it been uttered when starting a new activity?  "I'd love to start yoga (boxing, running, etc.), but......" But what?  Not sure you can do yoga?  I wasn't sure, but I went to a class anyway and realized I like it! I know the words came out of my mouth when I thought about doing kayaking or stand up paddle board yoga.  Thankfully my friends crushed the phrase and encouraged me to do those new activities.

Changes are abundant and inevitable on any kind of journey, but especially a weight loss journey. Think about it.  The mind changes, as well as the body, and things that were never thought of before are being considered.  I may not have spoken those words a lot, but I have thought of them plenty of times. I have said them to myself when I go shopping and look at clothes to try on.   Maybe friends have offered an invitation to go out to eat.  I'd love to go, but...........  But what?  Food?  Points? What?  Go for the fellowship and company of those friends.  Go because of the invite.  We know this.......if there is a concern the presence of trigger foods, eat something before.  I still go to Happy Hour, once in a while, but choose not to drink and sometimes not eat any of the tempting apps.  

The same goes for what we eat.  Of course with this, I am a double standard.  I can preach about it, write about it, but I don't follow the advice.  I'd love to have a piece of cake, but..... Now in this situation, yes, the phrase might be warranted.  But....too many points.  But......I'd rather have something else.  As we have learned, you can have a piece of cake, as long as it is accounted for.  So, I'd love to have a piece of cake, but I'll have half a slice.  I'd love to have a piece of cake, but I'll skip the second slice of pizza.  

Instead of the phrase I'd love to, but...... maybe it needs to be updated, modified, etc.  I'd love to try yoga, where is there class I can take.  I'd love to start losing weight, where is a Weight Watcher meeting close to me.  I'd love to go out to dinner and catch up with what's been going on (or let me look at the menu online so I can plan).  

The next time those words are about to be spoken, think about it.  Just like can't needs to be taken out of our vocabulary, so does I'd love to, but......  That's just an excuse waiting to happen!  

Listen up.........

It's funny the things we hear sometimes.  Sometimes we think to ourselves whatever we have heard is pretty clever, then sometimes we wonder what made the person say what they said.

Let me tell you a story.  I had just made it to my original goal.  I had the fit bit on my wrist.  I was pumped about starting maintenance.  Then I was invited to a challenge.  Oh, those lovely challenges. I've told a little bit about the first one I did.  I started what is now a routine for me.  I went off the charts on my walking.  It was that frustration, and anger I suppose, that fueled this walking frenzy. So I don't remember what rank I finished the challenge at but when I went in to weigh, I had lost another 6 lbs.  I was elated and was telling my fellow Weight Watcher members.  Across the room sits my favorite person and friend. Apparently another favorite person (or maybe someone else) asked her either what I did or was that all from walking.  My friend said yes, but "you know she eats like a rabbit."

I think at the same meeting, I was presented with the 5 lb. lost award, making the total 184.  This lady asked our leader to repeat the number.  I think the lady didn't quite believe what she heard.  She said, "Did you say 184?"  Our leader replied "Yes. 184."  The lady blinked and said, "One hundred eighty-four?"  Again, the leader said, "Yes, one hundred eight-four pounds lost."  The member just sat dumbfounded I suppose.  I can't blame her, I stay that way most times.  Who would have thought I would have lost 184 lbs.!?  UPDATE:  As of Sunday, I've lost 185.6 lbs.!  On the road to my final goal.  

In the meetings, we've talked about the positive things people tell us about how we look, about our journey, etc. and how we need to learn to accept them and be grateful.  It's not that I am not grateful when I hear these compliments, I haven't been called amazing or inspiring at any time in my life until now.  I have a growing list of "cheerleaders" in my complex that have been (unknown to me) following me.  And when they see me and say "I've seen you walking and have followed your progress," I say thank you but don't really take in the compliment.  

I notice that when people give me a compliment such as "you are amazing.," or "You've motivated me to start walking.," I say thank you but am I really listening to what they say?

The fact that I try to walk at least 10 miles a day has become routine for me.  When people hear this, the first words out of their mouths is "Wow."  Sometimes I think we say thank you without really listening to the comment.  Saying thank you is what we are supposed to say.

I am going to try and really listen to the compliments given to me.  Because the people saying them really mean the "wows," "you're amazing," "good jobs," and "you're inspiring."  There is truly something behind those compliments.

You notice I didn't write about any negative (or toxic) comments we may hear.  I know they are out there, but I choose not to listen to those.  I choose to surround myself with positive, glittery, sparkly things.   Here's a though: those toxic compliments probably come from people who are jealous of the progress of our journeys and how well the result has been.

Have a great week and really listen to those proud compliments your cheerleaders, fans, and friends give you!  You are awesome! 

Have you thought of your answers for the Q &A?

Ahhh....it'd be a good thing (maybe) if we could delay the start of a week, wouldn't it?  Maybe have a do over of Friday, Saturday, or even Sunday weigh in.   But it doesn't work that way.  So, a new week has begun and for most that I know, means the start of school.  Since I get up before sun up (again as neighbor Sara calls it - in the middle of the night) and am finished power walking really before sun up, not sure I will see any students forcing themselves to meet the bus.  I might see some teachers dragging themselves to their cars to head off.  I'm sure they're asking the question "Do I really have to?"  or "Are you sure they come back today?"  I doubt they get the answers they want to hear.

Which brings me to this post.  I decided to do my power walk on the waterway Sunday (yesterday). And as I finished, I ran into a super hero.  He was taking some time for himself away from saving the world. We talked about something that we had both happen to us, and I thought it would be good inspiration for a blog post. 

We don't have ALL the answers.  And what answers we do have, are not always right or wrong.  We are always asking ourselves questions.  What is the point value of this small cookie?  Is broccolini zero points and a power food?  Some answers are easy.  But what about the ones from people we know.  Are we always prepared for those questions?

Our fans may seem to understand WHY we go on a weight loss journey. They don't question when we choose to walk through the doors of Weight Watchers.  They may wonder why we didn't do it sooner.  In the beginning they don't question what we eat or don't eat.  No question as to any activity we choose to do.  But after the newness wears off, friends/fans may have more questions.  And why don't you want to have that second slice of pizza?  But you walked 5 miles this morning, and you want to walk more?  At the same time, if they don't quite get the program and see you eating a piece of cake, they ask "You can really eat that?"

And while these seem like legitimate questions, your answers shouldn't matter, if they truly support you.  When I was in my rut several months ago (or maybe longer) I was enjoying happy hours and having a few drinks. But after awhile (and I know I've brought this up before), I started tracking / counting calories in those drinks.  Three glasses of wine is approximately 12 points and 400 calories.  And any fruity little 'tini could run you approximately 5 points a piece.

So I stopped drinking.  Instead I chose to have sparkling water with lime.  Tasted just as good (to me at least).  By the second time I had my Peligrino with lime at happy hour, my friend asked me why I was choosing not to drink.  I wasn't sure how to answer.   The why just seemed to sound like "why would you want to stop drinking?"   I chose to stop drinking for a couple of reasons.  My health was one - I could do some damage with drinking combined with my diabetes.  Second, I didn't want to drink my calories or points.  Can you blame me?

Sometimes there seems to be more questions than answers.  And the answers are not always simple. When those that support us ask us questions such as "Why do you want to stop drinking?" or "Won't you be glad when it's over?," don't worry about the answer being right or wrong, or simple for that matter.  They will understand any response if they truly support you and want the best for you.

All I Really Need To Know about weight loss I Learned from Weight Watchers

Most of what I really need to know about what to do and how to be successful at weight loss I learned in a meeting room at Weight Watchers.  Weight is not lost in the line at Burger King or Papa Johns Pizza counter, but in a Weight Watcher meeting room every Sunday.  These are the things I have learned:

Track, track, track!  Persistence is key here when tracking.  You may not have to do it forever, but tracking keeps you honest with yourself.  Make an effort to track every day.  

Never miss a meeting (well almost never)  The weekly meetings are awesome (at least to me).  And you learn so many tips and tricks from others who attend.  With a new topic of discussion each week, you learn how to be successful at weight loss.  I have made some great friends and look forward to every Sunday morning. 

It isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle.   I learned to enjoy that I am embarking on a lifestyle change. Don't use the word diet. The word implies this is a short term, quick fix.  A quick fix will not help you lose weight & keep it off. Commit to it. Own it. Defend it when others question it. 

Learn to enjoy activity.  If walking isn't your thing, try something else.  Exercise, along with healthy eating, promotes weight loss.  Rock climbing, kayaking, even two stepping are great activities.  

You got to have support.  Losing weight is somewhat easier when we have support from those that we love as well as others who are on this journey with us.  You can find support in the meetings and who knows, may make a friend or two.  And those supporters will cheer your 5 lb., 1 lb., or even .6 lb. weight loss.  

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.  Just couldn't resist leaving this one in.  The "somebody" meaning ourselves.  We often talk negative to ourselves.  Apologize when you say negative things about the way you look or your progress.

Learn to love the scale.  Whether it reflects a loss or gain, embrace the scale and its numbers. Although they are just numbers, we sometimes let them and the scale dictate how we are doing.  No more.  Love the scale and whatever comes from it. 

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.  As long as you track them! And don't have the entire plate/pan of warm cookies and entire gallon of milk. 

Live a balanced life (something I am working on).  Sure, you can eat most of all the fruits and vegetables you want, but that's probably going to get old at some point.  Variety is the spice of life. Same goes for exercise.  Don't take a cue from me and only do one thing.....like crazy walking....but do different things.  I do yoga once a week. 

Learn some and think some  What you get out of the weekly Weight Watcher meeting is entirely up to you, but try to learn new things, things that make you think too.

And play and work everyday some.  Yes, it takes work to be successful at weight loss.  And you must be committed and work at it every day.  But you also have to take breaks and play some. Playing may mean doing a new activity or getting that pedicure to reward yourself. 

And when you go out into the world remember to, 

Hold hands and stick together.  Okay, so maybe not hold hands, but it's a must to have a Weight Watcher buddy.  A buddy can help you stay accountable and offer advice when needed.  

Be aware of wonder.  Hmmm....you may ask you learned that in Weight Watchers?!  Wonder.  Be aware of new things around you.  New food to try.  New experiences.  In the midst of your weight loss journey, try to have a balanced journey.  Cherish even those days when you don't track, knowing it's just one day, and (have to throw a little Scarlet in for you) after all, tomorrow is another day.  

Just give it up..............

Before I start my post, I have a funny story.  As I finished my 5 mile walk on Sunday, I stopped by the pool to visit with my neighbor Barbara.  After a few minutes, a family that Barbara knows showed up.  She asked if I minded her telling him how much I have lost.  I said sure and thought she was going to say 184.  Instead she says 200!  We laughed and she said well that's close enough. She said she's been telling people I've lost 200.  Then the question of how old I am came up.  Long story short, she has me 200 lbs lost and 30 years old!  The joke was that I should check with her before I talk with anyone!  Who knows......the next person I talk to could think I've lost 300 lbs and am barely 21!  So, you might want to check in with those people in your life that are just so proud of you!  They may have done some embellishing to actually benefit you! 

This idea came to me this afternoon while walking.  Mostly for another reason but as I walked and brainstormed, it sounded more like a good subject.  Take a minute to think about the things you give up.  I don't mean give up ON or throw in the towel.  I gave up many things when I was heavier AND as I've lost weight on this new journey.  

The heavier me gave up being comfortable in a chair with arms, booths at restaurants, or even restrained by a seat belt.  

Weighing in at 375 lbs., I gave up being healthy.  I wasn't honoring my body like I should with fruits and vegetables.  Well, I did but they were covered in cheese or cracker crumbs and chocolate. Instead of a healthy lifestyle, I filled it with junk food.   

I gave up wearing cute clothes from anywhere rather having only one store to go to.  And then those clothes looked too old for me.  There is just so much you can do with a pair of elastic waist pants and a tank top.  

The heavy me gave up doing fun things that required me going outside.  Mainly because I wasn't able to stand for long periods or handle the heat.  And I didn't want to be around anyone.  

Who would want to go out with the single heavy me so I gave up on trying to date.  

My nights were spent tossing and turning because the heavier me gave up on a good night's sleep.

If it hadn't been for the doctors those fateful days in March of 2014, I probably would have given up on me altogether.....I was headed that way.

After losing an astounding 184 lbs., you would think I wouldn't have anything else to give up, but I did.

I gave up just sitting at home and instead started exercising after I lost 60 lbs.  I started walking every day and working out with a trainer.  And as of today, I have done more things I never thought of doing.  As of recently,  I gave up walking just 2.5 mi and instead walk at least 10 mi a day.

The day I lost 102 lbs., I gave up the only store I was able to shop in.  I was able to try on the cute clothes again! And now, after 184 lbs. gone I am still amazed I can shop anywhere and wear just about anything!

When I lost 75 lbs., I gave up weighing 300 lbs. and rejoiced in entering Twoterville!

I gave up the junk food, including pizzas and hamburgers.  I know you should allow yourself some of those things, but those are trigger foods for me.  If I have just one bite of a fast food hamburger or pizza, it brings back fear.

On Father's Day this year, after losing 180 lbs, I gave up residence in Twoterville and entered Onederland!  But after doing a FitBit challenge,  I gave up my original goal and reset a new one! 

I gave up the tossing and turning at night while I sleep.  Now, if I toss and turn, it's because I'm thinking how early can I get up and walk!  Or because my bony knees hurt when they rub together! There's a laugh for you!

But there is one thing that I have hung on to, even when I thought I gave it up when I was heavier. All because at the age of 44, I can't mark off "boyfriend experience" from the list. So I decided to for once and for all give it up.  After all this time and all this work, it's not meant to happen.  Some of you will heave a sigh of relief because you won't have to read about it anymore.  Some will miss the misadventures.  And, I mean this in the NICEST way possible. Please do not tell me all those cliches about single people.  When you read this, just nod and say okay.  And this is probably the worst time for me to give this up with the wedding I am attending this Saturday, but then again it may make it all that much easier.

I give up trying to find that one special person.  Trying to land a man, find true love, whatever it's called.  I give up on wanting a Friday night date that turns into date 2 and 3.  I give up trying to let a man know I'm interested.  It obviously didn't work most recently so maybe men are not interested in me the way I would like them to be.  I give up trying to understand although men are simple, they can be the stupidest creatures.  I give up looking for the one that will adore me when I am red nosed from a cold.  Or one that will drop everything to come help me because he'd hate to see me in danger.  I have learned being single and navigating dating at this age can be exhausting!  So I give up that space in my head filled with the what ifs, the why nots, why doesn'ts and will fill it with sparkly, glittery things.   I give up wanting/wishing someone to ask me out on a date out of the blue.

By giving this up, I can focus on getting to the 200 lb. gone mark.  I can focus on getting a job that I can retire from.  I can focus on me and what my marvelous leader says, being awesome.  And as so many of you point out, I can focus on continuing to be an inspiration to you and others.

Party Time!

Did I tell you I had a party last week?  Don't worry, your invite did not get lost in the mail.  And it wasn't that you weren't invited....I like you too much.  There were no party favors, no balloons or streamers.  There was some party food..........milk chocolate and white chocolate chips and croutons. Not very festive.  Thank goodness there wasn't any cake! By the time some of the fellow Weight Watchers texted me saying to throw away whatever was left, it was too late.  

It was pretty bad for me last week.  I let something (okay, a few things) get to me that in the scheme of things seem trivial but to me it made me realize the fear is very much alive.  I started out the week just fine and had no plans of a party for one.  But by mid-week the idea of a party was sounding really good.  I felt defeated and like no matter how much I did or how hard I tried, I wasn't going to measure up.  So I basically just gave up.  I stopped tracking after Tuesday or Wednesday.....and if you don't track, therefore it doesn't count, right?!  We know better.  I quit both challenges last week not quite at the 11th hour but close.  A girlfriend texted me about her adventures of online dating and while it was mainly about the undesirables messaging her, it went along with my week.  Not that I'd want an undesirable messaging me either, but what's wrong with me that they won't?  Week was so bad that I didn't show up for the Weight Watcher meeting.  I shocked several people so that my phone had never seen so many texts.  

My good WW friend asked me about quitting the challenges.  She asked if I was happy when I quit. Not really.  Was I relieved that I quit?  That's a hard question.  Yes and no.  Relieved in the way that I didn't have this thing hanging over my head and that it wasn't visible how far behind I was.  I promised her I wouldn't quit this week's challenge and I'll keep my word.  I know what you're thinking and you'd be right.  Now, what I am going to tell you may make you say "You have the control over that.," or "It should motivate you, not control you."  I told this friend that if I stop the challenges, then there's a good chance I won't get up as early in the morning and get my 10,000 steps in before anything else.  So then I"m just walking 3 mi in the morning and maybe some later in the afternoon.  "You're letting it get to you."  I can hear you say.  I would rather think of it as motivation...just not the group of the high steppers.  I need a week long vacation from that one.

So I have this neighbor across from me and we've hit it off.  She cracks me up.  Become really good friends........we both want the same thing - a nice, normal, guy.  And although she's just 31, she seems wise for he age. She gives me good tactics for the single guys...........and the fitbit challenges as well. Ummm....if you thought I'd disclose some of those, you're wrong!  So we had our porch time last night with a bottle of wine.  I told her about my terrible week.  She said the break or breakdown was apparently needed.  She said everyone is entitled to a bad minute.  A bad minute.  Whether the bad minute lasts a day or a week, it's okay.  

The party was over on Sunday.  The croutons were gone as well as any chocolate chips.  I wiped away any tears and got ready for this week.  Ready to be tougher and stronger.  Ready to surge forward and get back on track.  Ready to kick any fears of eating like that again to the curb.  It's okay if you want to have a party for one.  Just know when to end the party.