So have you started them yet? Better get out a pen and paper

"Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one!"

Okay, so there is basically 2 weeks left until it starts all over again.  But they will go faster than you can blink.  Look how fast Christmas arrived just from Thanksgiving!  So, grab a pen and paper. Get a head start on them now.  Okay, take a day or two to brainstorm about what will go on the paper.

I was so happy last year when, for the first time, in a very long time, "lose weight" did not appear on my list of "resolutions."  Nor was the phrase "exercise more."  If you ask my mom, she might say I need to "exercise less."  Ha!  I was thinking of things I'd like to do this next year.  Unfortunately, lose weight makes an appearance.  Maybe I should say "get back to goal."  I am just 10 pounds away from the top of my range and not having to pay!  Let's pray I don't slip and slide!  Once I get back to that number, I am doing my VERY best not to leave.  

So, get back to goal is on my list, but so are a few other non-related weight things.  However, if I think about it, these things are somewhat weight related.....to me.  My former self would not have wanted to do these things.  Could not have done these things.  It's like the 6 degrees of..... game. Almost always, it all leads back to a successful weight loss journey.  I thought I'd share with you some of the things on my 2017 To Do list.  

Get back to goal has already been covered.....and ad nauseam I think.  

1. Participate in a 5k/month.  I had planned on doing that last year with my walking buddy, but didn't get around to it, then she moved.....yeah, that was a hard moment in my life. Plus I was out of work. So in 2017, I want to do a 5k a month.  I think I have found a buddy to do them with me.  Is a marathon on my list?  Maybe....but 2018.  I need to train a little more.  I am only walking half of what I used to walk (partly due to full time job) so I will need to train a little harder. 

2. Take a cooking class.  Just because it sounds fun.  I found a place just up the road that has cooking classes for the common people.  Nothing too fancy or too gourmet.  I have recruited two of my funny and fab neighbors to come along for the ride.  If anything, we'll cook for each other.  

3. Look into dance lessons.  So I watched a movie a few weeks back can't remember the name.  Had Richard Gere and J Lo in it.  A dance move.  Although learning how to two step sounds fun and probably a more logical choice, I would like to learn a more elegant way to dance.  Not that anyone will ask me to go dancing, just something to do.  You never know......new people to meet.  

4. Take a pole dancing class.  What?!  Yep a pole a dancing class.  For fitness reasons of course.  I know a friend who takes one and she loves it.  Again, I recruited a couple of my neighbors to come along with me so all three of us can make fools of ourselves.  But it'd be a new form of activity and I hear it's very good for you.  

5.  I resurrected my old bike earlier this year, but unfortunately it had to go into rehab.  Needs new tires, a new seat, and goodness knows what else.  But I'd like to make it like new again and start riding.  

6. Read up on how to really eat clean.  Yes, I eat clean MOST OF THE TIME but not exclusively.  I think that would help me with the cravings I sometimes have.  I want to really learn to honor my body and treat it well.  I want it to be around for a very long time.  If that means learning to eat things I've never tried before, then so be it.  I'm sure there'll be a few yuks! now and then. 

Starting January 1, 2017, I have a new book to write.  Crisp, white never been written on pages.  It's exciting to think how it will start and end, and all the things in the middle.  This past year, I have to come realize and accept, was a year of adjusting.  Like many, I reached lifetime and at a weight I haven't seen in, well many many years.  My mind checked out and I was desperately looking for something (or someone) to grab hold of to pull me back up.  All these things above ARE weight related in some fashion.  

I hope each one of my readers, friends, followers, and fellow Weight Watchers has a More than Merry Christmas and a Fantastical New Year!!  Mine of course will be GlitterAllTheWeigh!!!

Get excited about this new 365 page book!  

Sometimes all that is needed is to be understood

As I was trying to think of a quote to start out this blog, I clicked on You Tube.  You Tube suggests videos for you to watch.  I like the singer Sara Bareilles and her song Brave. But there is  song by her that just spoke to me and helped me inspire to write this blog.  You can watch and listen to it here: Used to Be Mine

I went to pieces last week when I put on just .4 lbs.  Not sure why I went to pieces and wanted to thrown in the towel......oh wait, yes I do.  Besides the Visitor being here, that .4 was just what I needed to cry and pout and maybe resign myself that I will never get back to my goal weight.  I stood there trying to listen to the leader who was trying so hard to comfort and encourage me.  Maybe the scale was trying to tell me this is where I needed to be....needed to stop.  I know it should be about more than just that black and white number on the scale, but it will always be a number to me.

People may not understand why I get up with the chickens to get my 10,000 steps in before work.  I had a friend of mine comment that the 13 miles (average) I used to walk daily was insane.  My response to him was I do it so at the end of the day I know I've done everything I can to prevent the weight (however small it might be) from creeping back on.

I know there are some that don't truly understand why I don't eat certain things.  I gave up many things when I was diagnosed diabetic and doing without them just became habit.  The vices I once had (the Diet Cokes, pizza, chips, etc.) are now replaced with healthier vices.  I do my best to eat cleanly and my vices now are apples and berries.   I realize we're supposed to indulge a little; have that ice cream or a pizza if we want.  That is what some do not understand about me.  There is a logical reason.  I choose not to eat those things because they are triggers for me.  That's why I don't eat cookies (try my best not to), cake, or candy.  If I have ONE cookie, I'll want another because one cookie is lonely without a mate.  So if I have 2, why not make it a triple.......you get the picture.  An example, the basket of overflowing leftover Halloween candy a few weeks ago at the office......I thought I could have a small box of Nerds candies.  I had one, then two, then two became three.

When I reached goal and then received the lifetime status, I wanted that weight to be so far gone it would disappear in the distance.  I think I will always have THAT fear of it coming back.  I realize it's supposed to "beyond the scale" and while this is a process, I wish people would understand that, to me, just a 5 pound gain scares me to death.  It means it's 5 pounds closer to a number I don't want.  And if I'm closer to a number fear, that means, all 375 pounds creeping back on is not far behind.

That most days I don't recognize me.......It's not easy to know I'm not anything like I used to be.....I still remember that girl.....She is gone but she used to be mine....It's not what I asked for....

I know the the eyebrows are furrowing and thinking, she didn't ask to lose weight?  There are STILL days I wake up and after I get dressed don't even recognize me.  But when a few pounds come back, I am reminded of the girl I used to be.  It's a frightening thing.  It's hard to understand unless one has experienced it for themselves.  What I didn't ask for was all the difficulties of maintaining this weight, the psychology of it all.  I know it comes with the territory, just wish it was easier.  But then again, life is not always fair....but that's another blog for another day.

She is imperfect, but she tries......she is good but she lies.......she is hard on herself....she is broken and won't ask for help.....she is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.  A healthy pie!

There are days I don't track EVERYTHING I stick in my mouth.  I am way too hard on myself.  If I don't get my 5-6 miles in (or my 10,000 steps) I feel unproductive.  But that's what makes everyone unique.  The way a weight loss journey is handled.  And it helps if it's understood by people and like my non-existent dating life, if they just nod and say okay.

Have a great week!  Oh, update:  When I weighed in this past week, I lost 2.2 lbs.  Bust through that number I was stuck on.  Now if I can keep the momentum to reach the goal by the new year!

Christina

Always stay Humble and Kind

"When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you, when the work you put in is realized, let yourself feel the pride but always stay humble and kind.......Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why: Bitterness keeps you from flyin'....always stay humble and kind.........When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around and help the next one in line always stay humble and kind." 

Some of you may be scratching your heads. Wait, what does a Tim McGraw song have to do with Weight Watchers and weight loss.  The more I listen to this song, the more I like it.  A song almost always starts out as a true story or inspiration, etc.  And you know me, I can get inspiration from the strangest of things and places.  

I feel like I am on my way back to being in control.  I worked hard recently and lost almost 4½ lbs.  I stared the homemade cake and pies, macaroni and cheese, and left over Halloween candy (brought to the office almost a month late!) in the eye and said you're not worth it.  Okay, so I didn't actually say it, but you know what I mean.  And I reaped the rewards when I stepped on the scale.  It's all part of getting back to goal....that oh so wonderful number.  

No, I'm not saying any one of my readers/followers is not humble and kind.  I used not to really want to tell people how much I have lost.  But at the same time, I was amazed at the looks on peoples' faces when I did tell them.  I find myself now, telling people freely.....the delivery man from Jimmy Johns when he delivers sandwiches to our office just about every day.  My co-workers....whether they want to hear it or not (meant in a comical way).   And while I haven't lost my humbleness, I find myself telling people what I've done hoping for some kind of reaction.....some kind of sign that what I did was most important.   When I submitted my story to Weight Watchers (for the final time), of course I hoped that People would pick me.  But I am just one among thousands of people who have done the unthinkable, the almost unattainable.  I realized not having a magazine cover wouldn't take away the importance of what I did.  What I did for myself........healthier self.  

It almost always starts out as a dream.  The dream to lose 20, 40, 60, 100 pounds.  I started with a dream long ago, but when I was diagnosed with diabetes it was more of a will to live and live healthier.  To say I never dreamt of losing 100 pounds, let alone 200, would be a lie.  I did dream....long long ago.  Reaching my goal was something I worked so hard to achieve.  At the same time, I didn't quite know how to feel proud of myself.  It wasn't until I finished my first half marathon and ran across the finish line that I realized how proud I should be......of myself.

I believe it now when Weight Watcher life timers say that maintenance is harder than losing the weight.  I believe.....I believe!!  It's been a somewhat of a rocky road back to where I belong.  And at times I've held a grudge against this weight that keeps hanging on.  But if I hold a grudge, then it's almost like I'm letting the weight stay.  

I am told quite often that I am an inspiration to others.  Maybe silently being an inspiration (and sometimes offering advice and supportive words) is my way of staying humble and kind to "the next one in line."  There is always someone behind us traveling the same journey.  Just like on the roadways when a stranger stops to help another stranger, everyone should turn around and help those that appear to be struggling.  

Like Thanksgiving 2016, I am thankful of my journey and where it has led me.  I am thankful that I found great friends and supporters that know where I have been, where I'm going, and where I am now.  As I carefully lay out my strategy of Thursday and the Thanksgiving feast, I will stare the cheesecake and homemade cornbread dressing (made famous by my mom) and say you're not worth it.   I will go for a walk after dinner before heading out with my mom to Michael's as our Thanksgiving tradition continues.  

Gobble Gobble!  Happy Thanksgiving!

There's a bit of Dorothy in all of us

Ahh... The Wizard of Oz.  There are two quotes quite famous, and personally faves of mine.  "You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."  "There's no place like home." But as I was "googling" these quotes, I saw another one that goes along with my blog.  "It's always best to start at the beginning. And all you do is follow the yellow brick road."

I've been out of touch lately.  I was meandering around missing a weigh in here and there.  Not attending meetings like I should.  I told myself I needed to revamp, recharge and maybe find another meeting.  I'll be the first to admit it....I do NOT adapt to change well. But this is a change I needed.  A change to recharge, get me excited about what I've done, what I need to do to stay here and how to get back to my goal.

I have been struggling with getting back to my goal that I reached last December.   Sometimes I think did I really reach that number.  I did......as my friend Charline says, "it's documented!"  My problem(s) (some days it's more than one) is that I haven't been committed to tracking.  I will track breakfast, which is easy, and mostly lunch, but then forget about the rest of the day.  I tell myself, friends, and type it on this screen that I need to track better.  I need to track everything.  Well, that old adage of saying "Easier said than done" is TRUE!   A glimmer of a gold star is that my walking hasn't suffered.  Much.

There's no place like home.  I must confess, and some of you have heard this, but I wasn't at Lifetime very long before some of the weight found its way back.  So, why would I call the goal I reached "home?"  It's a number that was almost unattainable until a year or so ago.  It's a number that is far away from another number I crave so desperately to stay away from.  I sometimes think if I could just click my heels 3 times and utter those magic words, the scales would show that number.  But then what would that teach me.

It took me a while to realize I had the power to improve myself, lose the weight and become healthier.  With the help of Weight Watchers and some amazing supporters, If found the power and have changed my lifestyle for good.  Sometimes part of me wonders if my body is happy at the number I continue to hover.  But the "home" number looked so good.  Then I think because of the power and determination, I reached that number.  As my leader told me (and she is so wise), it seems I'm obsessing over something I so don't want to happen; so much that I am navigating towards it. Instead put my mind in a new focus and mindset with the number I want to be and I will navigate towards it.

As it was for Dorothy, it's not easy to follow the yellow brick road.  But she never stopped trying to get home, dodging the wicket witch and flying monkeys.  So if I stick to my yellow brick road and keep my eye on home, I'll eventually make it.  Okay, so there's wizard to make the weight come off easy, but Weight Watchers helps to show me I've had the power to change.   I don't always like the scale.  But it takes real courage to step on the scale and face whatever fear that are there.

I finally took a step back and cleared my head.  The power has been with me all along.  I grow stronger every day on my journey down the yellow brick road.  There's going to be flying monkeys and wicked witches along the way.   I don't often take time to realize how far down the yellow brick road I've already come.

Sure, there are days when I wish I could click my heels and be taken back to January of 2015.  When I received the coveted gold key to Lifetime.  I'll eventually get there again.  Dorothy will be there, along with my other wonderful supporters, to help me.

I have started tracking once again, both online and on paper.   Just another step to getting home.

Y'all have a great week and enjoy your own journey down the yellow brick road.

Christina

After all tomorrow is another day.......

"I can't think about that today.  I"ll think about that tomorrow.  After all tomorrow is another day." Ahh, our dear friend Scarlett.  The eternal southern girl, girlie girl, and sometimes downright vengeful.  But she is loved!  

I have said that too many times.  It's an easy thing to think and say.  I said it BWW (Before Weight Watchers) when I was heavier.  It was easy.  Saying "I'll think about that tomorrow" somehow let me off the hook of something staring me in the face.  It was sort of like a doctor's note saying it was okay to eat whatever I was going to eat.  

I still say it today.  And like before, it's when I've stumbled and been run off the main path.  How funny is it that those words are uttered when I've had a bad day?  I've either eaten something I'm really not supposed to eat or not tracked.  I fear I'm falling  back in to some old habits.  Okay, maybe new "old" habits.  I shouldn't be saying "I'll think about that tomorrow" unless I'm thinking about what to wear, where I'm going, or what to do on a weekend.  

So, I have been losing the same 5-7 pounds over and over it seems.  Why can't I get the ball rolling and get back to that happy number?  Yes, I know the number shouldn't matter.  But I've talked about this and I would hope you would understand where I'm coming from.  You have been in that place too, you know. The fear of what I've lost is finding its "weigh" back.  Fifteen of its friends did.  Food has become too comfortable lately.  I can blame it on dating or being stuck at home until recently, but truly and honestly, it's just become too comfortable.  I can start the day out strong and last until lunch time.  The spiral happens after lunch and once I get home.  I'm over the Chex Mix obsession....THANK GOODNESS!  But there are things just as bad looming around in the pantry or at my local HEB.  

If I give in to the spiral, it's because I've told myself let's think about this tomorrow.  This!  Oh, the fact I have shamefully put on 15 pounds since reaching goal.  I realize it happens to "everyone." Although I'm not sure who "everyone" is sometimes.  I've chatted with a few lifetimers, goal reachers who are struggling just like me.  Wonder if they "think about that tomorrow?"  

I challenged myself a week or so ago to track everything that went in my mouth.  I fell short of the challenge.  Not sure what's the cause or what I can blame it on.  Where is the me who oh so diligently tracked everything and turned her nose up at cookies, chocolate chips, and other not so diet friendly foods?  Where is the me who couldn't wait to get out (even with the chickens) and walk?  

Apparently Scarlett swept her away into the world of "Let's think about that tomorrow."  I am still a very different person than I was 3 years ago, goodness, even 2 years ago.   Am I living the life I so desperately wanted?  Um....I would say yes with a few exceptions.  For someone who is bull headed and doesn't adapt to change all that well, Scarlett's infamous words have become all too common in my vocabulary.  

So, I vow, I have said that famous quote for the last time.  From this point forward, there will be no circumstances for me to utter those words......well, I should say circumstances involving weight loss or food.  Since the arrival of these 15 little pound visitors, I have been bound and determined to get them off.  I still am.  Focus, Focus, Focus!! I can do this!  I can lose those stubborn 15 pounds.  

I am a lifetimer for goodness sakes!  Lifetimers do not "Think about that tomorrow."  

Here I go on another journey.......100 mile journey

"Never let a stumble in the road be the end of your journey." 

A stumble, divot, or pot hole.  All these things I encountered on my weight loss journey.  In the beginning, I was able to avoid the pot holes, the stumbles.

As with any journey, I was excited to see where it would take me.  It was a slow process.  Yes, gone was the large pizza and hamburgers, but it would be months before I realized I enjoyed eating salads, or realizing eating cleanly was the best choice for my body.  Those things didn't happen over night. My activity routine was a slow progression as well.  I started out walking a little each day, increasing over time to......well....you know.  It slowly became a habit.  Once I had the walking routine set, I added other activities (over time).....yoga, Zumba, joining a run club.

The first journey was an exciting one and I was doing it for me.  Not unlike before where I halfheartedly lost weight for a high school reunion.  It's well known what happens to that weight...it shows up again with friends.  I lost weight for myself, to be able to live, be healthier.  But as I went about my way, learning to eat healthier, and weight coming off in record numbers, I was thrust onto a "stage" where I faced a bright spotlight.  At times, I felt exposed and somewhat vulnerable.

While my journey had its share of opportunities to stop and smell the roses, there was a stumble that kept appearing.  It was the fear that this weight that I have worked so hard to lose could come back. That at some point, I would stumble, I would fall in a divot and have a hard time climbing out. I started thinking I was sometimes racing on this journey, not enjoying those rest stops to gather my thoughts.  To let my mind catch up.  I raced to the finish line.  But that's what I do.  Go big or go home!  I not only presented to the ER with newly diagnosed diabetes 3 years ago, high sugars, but it was go big or go home.  Pancreatitis and a cyst on my spleen, and high blood pressure.

Once I reached the finish line, had peeled away layer after layer to reveal the newest me, I thought I had reached my destination.   Where did I go from here?  I had put myself first, changed the way I ate, developed an exercise routine, and faced it with gusto.  And as I sat in a Weight Watcher meeting, listening to the leader ask a question: If you were on a 100 journey and realized you forgot something at mile 98, would you turn back?  I answered, along with others, 'No.'   I hadn't forgotten anything, I told myself.  I silently went down the list, checking things off.  Exercise, check, Healthy choices, check.  Losing weight, check.  Healthier, check.  Emotions.....wait what?

Among the sights and sounds, possibly that bright spot light, I forgot to give my emotions some attention. I thought my emotions would change on their own and fall in line with everything else. Wrong.  I dealt with the physical part of losing weight.  The food part of losing weight.  But not emotional.   I should have been able to deal with them.  I just kept thinking, they'll work themselves out.  But an exchange was happening.  The old emotions were being exchanged for not better ones, just different ones.

With this new journey I am embarking on, I have a check list, an itinerary.  Yes, I stumbled and am getting back up.  And while I'll probably race to the finish line with regards to getting back to that number I like looking at so much, this time it's about the mind.  This journey is not without its struggles.

These last few months were very difficult for me.  Besides the struggles of getting back to my goal weight, I was dealing with not working, and other personal issues.  How was I supposed to now deal with the mental aspect of the improved me?

Just months prior, I had shed the extra weight that sheltered me for the last 20 years.  I may be on this new journey for quite some time.  I'll probably enlist an "army" to come along with me.  I know that it will not be over night that I will no longer hear the negative thoughts.  I know that I won't immediately look in the mirror (with just a towel wrapped around me) and just gush over the healthier me.  

For some, the mental preparation of losing weight may start years before.  For me, I had to think fast. I associate my journey with that of a girlfriend surprising me with a trip and I had only 5 minutes to pack a bag.  How do you prepare for that?  So I am doing it backwards you could say.

I have a feeling this journey will be just as interesting, fun filled, lessons abound, and with a wonderful final destination.  

Sometimes you have to be the Little Engine that Could

"It was a good day, maybe even a great day.......I was the me in my head.  There was a moment when I thought I can't do this, I can't do this alone but I closed my eyes and imagined myself doing it and I did.  I blocked out the fear and did it."

My apologies for this wide gap between posts.  There were so many things going on and my blog got sidelined.  Thank you for holding out and knowing I would eventually put thoughts on the screen again.  I was finally rescued from the job market and started a new job about a month ago.  I can't believe it's already been a month!  When I was just about to circle the drain, I was offered a job and to finally get back to normal.  But what is normal?

For the last several months, my "good" or "great" days were few and far between.  I was at home A LOT and while at home, what do you do?  Well, okay maybe not what do you do but what do you WANT to do?  Snack.  I seem to be at a point where I'm losing the same 5-7 pounds over and over.  

One morning, a light bulb went off in my head.  I let the heat/humidity make my decisions when it came to my walking.  I knew I could walk 5 miles to get my steps in for the day, but I stopped after that.  Why let the heat/humidity stop me?  Why let it dictate how much I walk?  So I challenged myself to walk my 10 miles.  I was successful a handful of times.  I considered those great days.  And I when I stepped on scale, losing those 5-7 pounds again, it was a great day.  I also realized just because I was home all day didn't mean I couldn't eat my salads.  I started prepping them and eating a salad at lunch and it tasted so good.  

As you know and I have confessed, I gained 20 pounds, thereabouts.  I have been trying to lose it since, gosh, probably March.  Yeah! That far back, but at that time, it was only about 15.  I so want to get back to that wonderful number.  I tell myself that I can do it.  Losing 20 pounds should be nothing to me.  After losing the weight I have, well, I shouldn't have let myself gain so early in this journey of mine.  I find myself being more comfortable around food.  Not sure if I mentioned this before.  I may have in person to some of you.  My A1C and sugars are well controlled and although the fear of putting on any more weight is still there, I have relaxed......well, maybe not relaxed like in your world.  But in mine, I have.  

I have tried to get my mind back in the "from the beginning" mindset.  Starting over.  Back to basics. I have a good few days or enough to see a loss.  I've had a few addictions/obsessions.  The addiction to Chex mix disappeared thank goodness!  Lately it was peanuts and chocolate.  Stopped eating the peanuts and I think the chocolate chip thing has ended.  Instead of telling myself I can do this, I feel like I should cite the quote from The Little Engine that Could.  I think I can.  I think I can.  Until I see a movement in the right direction.  A bigger movement than just the same 5-7 pounds.  

This 100 mile journey of mine has turned off in other directions.  There are more hills and divots...big divots.  I am still battling with the mental aspect.  It didn't really help that I bottomed out with other personal issues.  I suppose I should be proud that I didn't throw up my hands and fall prey to the large pizza, or Cheese doodles.   

I think everyone that decides to take the weight loss journey has their own potholes and divots.  There are some that I am unable to avoid.  Then there are those I know where they are and I avoid them altogether.  For example, it seems Halo Top ice cream has found a home with Weight Watchers fans, among other food finds.  I chose not to join the fan club.  For one, I don't feel like paying $6 for a pint of ice cream.  Second, eating the ice cream would bring back something that I have chosen to leave at the curb. Which brings me to a conversation a Weight Watcher friend and I had the other day.

She was telling me about the hills and valleys she was experiencing.  I offered an idea that it sounded like she was becoming comfortable with food just like I did.  She agreed.  Then we started talking about dessert.  Theory is that 3-4 bites should be enough.  And while that is true, my mind, like others on the weight loss journey, struggles with that concept.  My mind still wants to eat the entire dessert. So for that reason, I choose to leave any dessert at the curb as well.  But if I am presented with a situation, I will just chant my Little Engine that Could song.  I think I can, I think I can.  

So what does it take?!  Maybe I need to close my eyes and relive that moment of me reaching that goal.  Close my eyes and relive running cross the finish line at the half marathon.  Close my eyes and imagining reaching that number again.  Block out any fear of numbers going up and just do it!  That is what Nike does right?! I did it once before...from such a faraway place.  I'm just a few miles from home now.

So I leave you with two things.  First, I have been encouraged by my Weight Watcher leader to try once again and submit my success story to Weight Watchers.  People magazine is doing their Half Their Size edition.  So I'm tweaking my story and getting pictures together.  We'll see....this could be all part of the plan....you know the plan!  ;)

Here's a funny to start your week.  So I walked with a new buddy Saturday morning.  I met her in the complex and she likes to run/walk.  We agreed to meet at 7 in the morning to walk.  I meet her at the stairs and she asks how far I'd already walked.  I looked at her and just laughed then whispered 4 miles.  I told her I was surprised she knew to ask that.  She knew I would walk before walking with her.  I guess I am just that predictable!

Make new habits., but keep the old......Whaaat???!

Make new friends but keep the old.....remember that song?  I looked up the lyrics because all I had ever heard was the first line.  It sparked a thought in my head.

Being diagnosed with diabetes I had to form new habits.  Insulin injections 4x a day (in the beginning), check blood sugars 3x a day, and not to mention new food habits.  It was either get used to these habits or.....well, die.

Once I was in the swing of the weight loss journey, I formed new habits just about every day.  I tracked every day, started exercising by walking and working out with a trainer.  I gave up certain things in order to be healthier.....sodas, fast food, candy, sweets.  It became a habit for me to wake up before sunrise and walk....first it was 3 miles, then it was 5, then it jumped to 10 miles every morning.  I would walk again in the afternoon.  Attending a yoga class  became part of my activity habit.

Eating healthier, wiser, and and somewhat clean became a habit.  I tossed out the artificial sweeteners....including Truvia.  I opted for chicken more often than red meat.  Instead of the regular light yogurt, I switched to greek yogurt and haven't looked back.  I limited/eliminated certain carbs. Then there's the most important habit I formed and that was attending every Weight Watcher meeting, every Sunday.  Weighing in no matter what.  All of this was good until.........

Believe it or not, those old habits we think  got tossed out still linger.....until we choose to replace them. Maybe not in the original form, but they are there. As part of changing our lifestyle - to a healthier lifestyle - we must learn to recognize when an old habit needs to be replaced.  It seemed after I reached goal and was at a weight I haven't seen since high school, those old habits that I thought were gone, were not replaced.  Not all, but a few.  I have mentioned, on here and to several of you, the celebration lasted longer than I wanted.  Then I started dating.......that was a disaster.  Then I lost my job.  I stopped attending the Weight Watcher meetings faithfully - every Sunday.   My plan was to weigh in no matter what because my plan was to never get back on that road to gaining weight.  Somehow, I took a detour and merged on that road without realizing it.

I started eating, "snacking," on the wrong foods.  I think I have tried ever flavor of Chex Mix they make.  I ate other things too.  Chocolate chips.  Chocolate chips mixed with the Chex Mix.  Peanuts. So it wasn't the food I used to eat but it was the same old habit...snacking and eating just because.  I stopped eating salads because I was home and snacked instead.  After my dating disasters, the old habit of not feeling worthy of myself came back.....didn't even bother knocking.  Same with looking for a job and not getting an interview.  The old habit of telling myself I wasn't good enough or someone else had something I didn't was back.  Which led to.....what?  Eating.  Oh, the major factor of my slump.  My walking buddy and awesome friend moving nearly 4 hours away to Fort Worth. We stopped walking together and I stopped walking in the afternoon altogether.

So, the old habits have to be replaced with new better habits.  Replace them with new, healthier habits to deal with stress and boredom, sadness.  For example, if eating is a result of stress or feeling inadequate, it is not good to stop eating cold turkey.  Change the food that is eaten.  I feel like I'm having to learn that all over again.  When I feel depressed, stressed or anything else, I need to change what I eat or do instead of munching down on a bag of Chex Mix and chocolate chips.

For instance, this last month I have felt inadequate and unworthy.  The next thing to do if I don't eat anything is to bake.  Baking can be therapeutic.  But as I was looking through recipes, I realized baking might not be the best thing to do.  Although I boast that I don't eat what I bake, sometimes I tend to sneak a bite.  I need to find another way to deal with those feelings.  Get out of the house, go on another walk.  Lay out by the pool.  Anything but be in the kitchen.

So the title is not true.  You DO NOT keep the old habits.  They are replaced by newer, better habits. Maybe find a substitute for your bad habit.  Have a plan ready to do something instead of whatever it is you are dealing with.  Knock out as many triggers as possible.  In the beginning, I realized having the fruity adult drinks with apps was not a good stop along my journey.  So I stopped going to the bars and happy hours.  Somehow snacking seems to accompany watching TV.  Have fruit on hand or other healthy snacks if snacking MUST happen.

See where this is going?  In the last few weeks, I am resetting myself so to speak and trying to start fresh.  Get in the frame of mind of when I first started on this journey.  I need to replace the old habits that keep coming back with new ones....better ones.....better for me.

Y'all have a great weekend!
"I want to see what happens if I don't give up."

Christina

A little late for Spring cleaning but there's always time for tidying up

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, yet gently still allows you to grow."  

So I can be inspired at any given point and start to put words onto the screen.  But like life's changes, sometimes changes happen with my blog.  In Weight Watchers, we've discussed lately befriending our body and most recently decluttering.  Whether it's the mind or one room or entire house.  So since I'm a few weeks behind I'm going to try and wrap everything up with a nice little bow.

It's been a crazy couple of months.  Mother Nature decided we needed more rain in late May....as if we hadn't had enough.  That same week she sent a train load of hormones my way.  Needless to say I was not in any shape to make public appearances.   I'd been in a slump because I got away from that happy number I reached last year.  And maintained (give or take) to reach lifetime.  I persevered and got to that number where I felt my happiest and healthiest.  Worked harder than I have before in my life.  Then something happened.

No one's fault but my own.  Making healthy choices was not a priority at the time.  The last time I liked myself and was happy was in the dressing room at Victoria's Secret.  I stood in the feminine pink dressing room and looked in the mirror.  Who was staring back at me?  I was liking (okay maybe loving a little bit) the person in the mirror.  She actually had a curve to her.

Recently we discussed loving/liking your body.....befriending it.  We are encouraged to tell ourselves one thing we love about our bodies every day eventually loving everything about us.  Friends are there to support us as well.  I worked hard to achieve my goal with the support of awesome friends to encourage me. Somewhere along the way after I reached lifetime, the wagon stopped I got off and failed to get back on.  Things happened in life and I somehow forgot what it took to get to where I was. So I'm taking the weight loss journey again.  Trying to find that confidence I was starting to have.

I think part of the problem was not only the rain last month but my walking buddy left the a couple of weeks ago.  Like anything, to truly be at peace, sometimes facing something is the best way to move on.  I knew it was going to be devastating and I think that's why we hadn't walked together in most recent months.  But I found once I said my See ya later and hugged her, I felt fine.  I felt ready to hit it and get back on the right path.  Yes I would have to walk by myself like I had been before I met her, but I could do that.  I could put my ear buds in and jam to my spotify list and walk those 5 miles.  We also talked about walking with each other by phone.

So I started slowly back on the main road.  The humidity has been really bad so I've cut back on my walking.  But I've added some other activities.  Last week I made a huge leap and lost 7 lbs. making a great start to my happy number.  This week 1.8 of those lbs. found its way back on.  Thanks to wine and mother nature.

I am starting to love my body again.  I am going to declutter my house and make it clean and organized again.  Especially my fridge.  It's been disheveled lately.  I will have to be really, really focused as dating has reared its head once again.  I met this wonderful guy and we are enjoying getting to know each other.  He understands about my journey and when I tell him when I go to my meetings, I do not feel like I need to make something up.  And he's helped me "love" or befriend my body even more because he tells me I'm beautiful not only outwardly but inwardly as well.

Multi-tasking may not be the most popular of skill sets.  But just maybe, while the decluttering/tidying up is taking place, that spare minute when a breath needs to be taken, a kind word can be given to the favorite part of the body.  Let's declutter our minds and get back to the real reason(s) we are on this journey.  Let's embrace our bodies as they are now and get excited about how they'll look when we reach the final destination.

Y'all have a great week!
Christina

If you're happy and you know it......you know what to do

Think back to the early school age.  Maybe not much past kindergarten.  If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.  I know, I know.....that tune will now be in your head for the next few hours.  If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet...... you get the idea.

On this weight loss journey, when has been your happiest moment.  Okay, if you have several, that's allowed.  And you may be saying, duh, it was when I reached goal.  Or got lifetime status.  For some, the happiest moment may be finishing a 5K or fitting into a size smaller clothes.  

I've had many happy moments during my journey.  Just being able to stick with it and lose the weight has been a happy moment.  My first shopping trip after losing 50 lbs (or was it 100) was a happy moment.  I no longer was restricted to Lane Bryant or Catherine's.  Small happy moments all added up to a bigger one.  I worked so hard to reach a specific number and point.  I was learning to live a healthy lifestyle, cutting out the toxicity.  Whether it be toxic food, people, or situations.  I fought hard to control what I let come in my life.  I approached my final goal, I felt the happiest when I ate cleanly......a different salad every day.  Enjoying my activity and being able to do new things. 

I bring this up because I've noticed the last few weeks I'm not happy with my progress or current situation.  And whether we like it or not, a snowball effect can happen.  Because I haven't been happy with what I've let happen to my weight, it has affected everything else.  It is true that I deserved to be happy when I reached my goal.  And I was.  I haven't been making those healthier choices.  How can I get that fire back?  Can I fuel my disappointment and get back to that number when I was happy?  I thin I can.  Unlike before, it may take a little longer.  But I am determined to do it.....and once I'm there, there is where I'll stay.

Also, I think the unwanted visitor keeps wanting to come back.  And I had a friend bring up a good point.  Maybe the visitor isn't supposed to be gone completely.  Maybe I'm to learn to co-exist with my ex.   She is one of the reasons I haven't been happy lately.  Plus other issues.

I was watching the video of when I reached final goal in December of last year.  I looked so small and those were happy tears.  In two years I did what I thought was the impossible.  Maybe it was too quick.  Maybe I didn't take time to work on my mental state.

So now my read education begins I suppose.  Can I use what I learned while getting to goal in order to get back there?  Can my ex and I co-exist while at the same time learning to be happy?

If you're happy and you know it, then be proud of your perseverance to get there.  Do all you can to stay there!

What to do with an unwanted visitor......

They show up at the most inopportune times......without warning.  And they can stay for hours, days, weeks.....even months or years.  We want them to leave but how do we tell them.  When these unwanted visitors finally DO leave, we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.

I have to admit this transformations sucks at times.  The "after" is not what I thought it would be.  I thought once I accomplished the unthinkable, my "next 30 years" would be easier to handle.  After all, I changed my entire eating lifestyle.  I surrendered and gave up ice cream, most breads, fast foods, candy, etc.  I found that I liked walking and other activities.  I swallowed my fear and paddled out to the middle of a lake to do yoga.  I conquered climbing half of a rock wall.  I started to break down the walls of the box that enclosed me for so many years.

Those that have lost over 200 lbs. belong to a unique group of people.  A friend of mine put it this way:

"..........losing a whole person really made me think. I"m betting it's kinda like the experience of growing a baby inside you. The baby comes out or you "lose a person" as you said but for a WHILE you feel awkward, lost and like your missing something and although you're rejoicing that you lost a person, (delivered or really gone) it's a major transformation. In your case you carried that baby for waaaay longer than a duration of a pregnancy so I would guess it's going to take you some time to fully know all of the wonderful new and yet scary aspects of who you are becoming."

I didn't quite know what road to take after losing those 200 lbs.  What journey do I take now?  I came and conquered.  I saw the sights, rode the rides.   I sent the former "fat" me on her way.  Dubbed her the "ex." Little did I know she'd do everything she could to weasel her way back in my life.  

It's almost like the "ex" was waiting with bated breath for me to reach my goal because I might slip and get comfortable.  Which I did.  She saw me starting to date and go out and you know what that involves......FOOD!  Ugh!  I suppose she quietly settled in while I wasn't looking.  Just hiding in a corner.  

This unwanted visitor was successful in making herself at home just recently.  I haven't figured out what makes her decide to come back.  I was out earlier this week bowling with some friends.  Someone had a pan of pizza - looked like a quadruple meat variety.  I reached over and took a slice, knowing full well that wasn't a healthy choice.  The "ex" was telling me to go ahead and have one more slice, heck have 2 more slices.  I felt her smiling as I picked up the third slice.  Why not?  After all, I was being whispered things that I had heard years before.  

She settles in and is ready to whisper those things I have tried so hard to forget.  Like when I don't get the interview....she's there to whisper I'm not good enough.  Or when the guy I have my eye on doesn't know I'm alive she whispers it's because I'm still not small enough.  I want to scream and ask her "Where the hell did you come from?"  So how do I get rid the unwanted visitor?

It's a hard task.   A task that may not ever be completed.  Unlike the unwanted visitors that are of the insect variety or the annoying neighbor, this unwanted visitor comes back time and time again.  And it's up to me to not let her in my thoughts.  It's up to me to shut her out and do my best to ignore her.

I'm continuing to work my way back to my goal and redeem my lifetime status.  I will be honest with you, this "after" sucks.  I am, however, determined to get back to that wonderful number and stay there.  I am determined to put my healthy lifestyle first and everything else can be second place.

I hope that whatever unwanted visitors you may have know not to come back.  Do whatever it takes for those visitors to stay far away.  Y'all have a great weekend ahead!

Christina

Some things never change

I am getting back on track.........started getting back into routine with activity last week.  Numbers are going down.......soon I'll be at goal or what is known as "pre-boyfriend weight."  

On one of my walks, or maybe in the shower, I started mentally writing down notes about my next blog topic.  What got me thinking was a beach party I went to last weekend.  It's a big disappointment when the vision you have of a job, date, event, weigh in day, doesn't go the way you thought it would in your head.  So I had envisioned this beach party happening a way in my head. There was lots of drinking; and I don't mean water or ICE carbonated fruit beverages.  I felt so out of place for several reasons.  

After I lost the first 100 lbs., and I was going to Happy Hours and nights out, I had wine, liquor, and those fruity tinis.  And as I have told you, I realized that has never been me.  I was never a drinker before I got sick so why should that change.  Okay, so I will have a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend or two, but not every night or weekend.  And yes, on occasion, I have been known to drink some beer.....rare occasion.  

I realized that was one thing that I did not want to change from the person I used to be.  Why must I change myself completely just because I lost 200 lbs.?  The physical journey is hard enough that when changes to a personality are thrown in, sometimes it's too much.  Doors can be shut on "exes" and they can be kicked out, but they remain the same.

Once I reached my final goal weight, I was pretty sure I had this.  Sure,  I would be able to handle anything thrown at me......well within reason.   I have always been a little shy.  One might go as far to say I am like an onion (yellow sweet) in that I have many layers.  But I realized I can't get comfortable.  Tests are all around me.  Like on those wonderful date nights when I gave in and had a shake from Sonic and a blizzard fro DQ.   I thought I had written off ice cream because as you know I hadn't had it in over two years.    I was out of my element and when you think a craving is gone, it really is just buried in the back of your mind.  I had done well to suppress all those cravings....hamburgers. pizzas, ice cream.   But at that moment, it was like old times.  I had the chocolate shake from Sonic and another time a peanut butter blizzard from DQ.   Whatever I thought had changed, really hadn't.

I lost 202 lbs. and while my outward appearance changed, some aspects of the real me did not.  I thought because I was this new and improved me, that meant new habits.   Okay, maybe some new habits.....healthy, fun habits.  For example, if I wasn't much of a drinker before, why did I think I needed to become one after losing a whole person?

Yes, I am a different person after losing 202 lbs.   This person now does not eat fast food, she makes exercising a priority (2x a day sometimes 3), her beverage of choice is water, and most of all she enjoys the benefits of shopping for smaller clothes.  But  there are some points on my foundation that haven't changed.

When we lose weight, we are changing ourselves.  Our minds and bodies.  Change the way it thinks, choices we make.  But does it have to change completely?  Even more now, I am aware of what the wrong choices can do/ mess up.  I am aware that 3 glasses of wine may not be the BEST option.  As we change, the more the things stay the same.

Have a great week!  Don't forget to follow me and get email alerts about new posts.  And check out my newest blog.....Dating and Afraid.  

Be kind to one another.

Unlike in dating, you have to work at it for it to happen

Good morning wet Weight Watcher people (and my other friends)!  I hope most of you are dry and safe.  Those that aren't, you'll be in my prayers.  Just pray y'all have healthy good snacks in the house.  I'm ready for some sunshine.  

Thought I would do a similar post as I will in my dating blog, Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  I had a friend tell me that if you have to work at getting someone to notice you, then it's not meant to be.  She has a point, although I don't like to hear it because apparently it's not meant to be for me so many times.  

But it's different when you're losing weight.  It WILL happen if you work at it.  Work is needed to be successful at losing weight and the relationship with one's self.  

During my first phase, I worked so hard for the weight to come off.  After I lost about 50 lbs I realized it could happen if I ate right, exercised, and just followed the program.

Have you ever associated losing weight with dating and getting comfortable with someone?  Yes, you have to eat right (which includes healthy foods, portions, and nutrition) and exercise for it to happen. In order for you to get results.  In the beginning it's new and exciting.  Eating the right, healthier foods, giving up those things that are toxic, and exercising helps you lose weight.  Happiness sets in and maybe some giddiness.  The weight comes off.

But then being comfortable with the program as well as the weight that has come off follows.  The newness may have worn off.  The program is part of the new lifestyle and it's here for the long haul. So the excitement of eating those healthy foods and doing activity decreases.  It's no longer "Can't wait to get out there and ride the bike," but "Well, it'll be there tomorrow."   The newness of losing weight must never decrease.  Working at it has to happen for it to work.

I'm guilty of this......several times over.  I became comfortable with the program, losing weight week after week, exercising nearly 7 days a week.  The newness had worn off.  I was no longer working at making it happen.  And what happened?  Weight went back on.  So I have to get back to working at it and think of it as new again.  The newness of the program, finding exercising exciting again.

I do have barricades in the way which will make working at making this new again somewhat challenging.  But wanting it bad enough, I will work at it because I want to save this new me.  I want to save this new found transformation.

So you might find yourself getting comfortable with losing weight and the program.  And to a point you need to be comfortable but not so much that you don't continue working at it.

Prayers go out to those suffering from the floods.  Y'all stay safe and hopefully dry.

Christina

Once was lost but now found

So this 100 mile journey that seems to be very popular with each of us is not without its detours.  I finished the 100 mile journey without turning around at mile 98.  During the journey I was able to pass up the sideline attractions......that is until I reached my final destination.  

Once I reached my final goal, I was ready to see the sights, those sideline attractions.  Or I thought I was.  I pictured them as those tempting booths at carnivals.  You know the ones....offering deep fried everything, the world's biggest turkey leg on a stick, or anything candied.  Then there the rides; the ones that go around and around or straight up and down.  They're not all that fun after eating carnival foods. 

I got lost checking out those sideline attractions and ignored reality for awhile.  Seeing the sights and attractions.  

Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I am what I call directionally challenged.  Just recently have I developed a great relationship with the Google map lady.  Unfortunately she can't help me find my way back to where I need to be.

Just in the last couple of weeks I found the main road again and got back on it.  I hopped on it just before Twoterville.  And if I'm not careful and focused, I will end up there again.   The first stop I planned for was a Weight Watcher meeting.  Thankfully it was on the main route so I didn't have to take a detour.

I know what to do in order not to get lost again.  But those side attractions sometimes get bigger and brighter.  In order to return to the main destination I need to maintain focus.  If that means stopping at every Weight Watcher meeting then that's what I will do.  I am not so far lost that the 202 lbs I have lost is not a testament to my diligence and persistence.

Getting back on the main road also means getting back to basics and have a talk with the ex....she tries for visitation.  When I started this journey I flew by the attractions and didn't think about seeing the sights.  So in order to stay on the main road I need to track everything I eat, which I haven't been doing.   I do okay with breakfast, but it's after morning tracking goes by the wayside.   Ugh!  It's hard. It's like life is saying "I was put on hold while you worked toward your goal.  I'm back and you've got to learn the balance."  Really?!  Why must I learn to balance!?  So this is what the fighter has plans to do.  Get back to goal then add life balance in.  I am in control of what I do.  So if going out is not the best healthiest choice for me, then I will not go out.

I do not like to get lost.  I print a paper map plus listen to the Google lady.  Even after going to the location several times, I will use the GPS.  What does the GPS look like on a weight loss journey?  Well it consists of the voice inside us telling us NOT to have that cookie.  It steers us towards healthier options.  What happens if the GPS is not enabled?  We eat that piece of pecan pie.  Blinders go on when we see a cookie.  We get lost.  Remember to always have your GPS on and follow their directions, not stopping for the side attractions until you reach your destination.

Y'all have a great weekend!  I will be revisiting my high school days by attending a prom Friday night!

Christina 

What to do when you're looking a curve ball in the eye

So the last few weeks have been different.  And as some of you know, I had to do something this last week that as a single woman I didn't want to do.  I am back on the market....that's right so go through your address books, look for those single guys that you think would be perfect for me! 

I also have more time now to devote to this blog and my newest one.....Dating and Afraid: Girlfriend's Point of View.  Most of my dating mishaps will be on that page.  I hope you follow that one as it will keep you entertained.  

I was looking a curve ball in the eye and it was in slow motion.  I will be honest here and say I have put on 11 lbs. since making lifetime.  I feel ashamed for that.  I was sure I would be able to keep it off and make that status a proud one to have.  It was almost as if my ex tried to weasel her way back in and say "Forget about Lifetime.  You have a boyfriend now!"  I don't mean to put the blame on anyone but myself, and I said in my previous blog that it was me who chose the shake and blizzard, but I believe now it was the ex.  She tied up Pandora and myself and was happy as a child at Christmas when she saw Sonic and DQ.  

So what do you do when you're staring a curve ball in the eye?  You can either duck to miss it or deal with it.  Just because something unexpected happened doesn't mean I can't get back to me.  It doesn't mean I struck out of the game.  It means the next time I'm up to bat, I'll hit a home run.  I found the quote below on a site and wanted to include it here:

 "There will be another inning, another game, another chance, and 'how' the curve ball is handled is up to you.  Confidence, spirit and love of the game can be loss or take a stance at home plate, swing like you have never swung before........"

I can get some perspective from this curve ball.  Is it possible I would have put on the 11 lbs. if I hadn't had a boyfriend for a little while?  Maybe, maybe not.  It could be that one thing to make me realize while the break was good it's time to get back in the game.  

Then I can ask myself 'What can I do to fix the situation?'  I'm doing it now.  I'm getting back on track.  While it may take time to swing with a purpose, I'm up to bat and ready to play.  I'll go back to bare bones.  I'll get this weight off and get back to my goal and sparkle with Lifetime status.  Right now, the FEAR just stares me in the face.  I need to knock it down and show it that I am not putting anymore weight back on.

So with the start of baseball season upon us, Spring is in the air, what are you going to do when life throws you a curve ball?  Have a great week!  

Christina 

Sometimes we need the big pink eraser, not just the one on the end of a pencil

"Sometimes we have to see for ourselves.  We have to make our own mistakes.  We have to learn our own lessons.  We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug, until we can't anymore, until we finally understand ourselves......."

If I had not gone through the weight loss journey myself to lose 202 pounds, I would not believe it. It was my sweat (and sometimes tears) that made it possible for me to shed that weight.  The journey certainly wasn't without its challenges.  Happy hours masked as a good time when really a test they were to be.  I had to see for myself that it was necessary to explore life and have fun and how making the healthiest choices could be difficult.  

I reached my second and final goal in December of last year.  I reached Lifetime status in January. Since that time, I participated in my second 5K and my first half marathon, and also put on some of the pounds I worked so hard to lose.  I let the Lifetime status down.  I used the "celebratory" excuse but after last week I no longer can use that excuse.  The fear is real and so is the struggle to maintain this new lifestyle and weight loss.  Eleven pounds have gone back on.  No, that's not so much to lose, but this journey of mine has been interrupted by life.

The new Smart Points Program brought a lot of Aha moments to members.  The piece of pecan pie you might want to splurge on is now what.......21 points?  One might eat a cinnamon roll and have the shock and awe reaction after learning the point value.  Where is the big pink eraser when we need it? Wouldn't it be great if the big pink eraser could be used to erase what has been eaten?  

As much as I try to stay balanced, these tests keep coming up.  Living the single life, for example. There have been several times in the last month that I wished I had a giant pink eraser.  While on date night, I chose to have the small peanut butter shake from Sonic.  I could have easily passed it up  I ate more red meat in one night than I have in the last year.  I slowed down my walking.  After training for the marathon, I guess my body said "Whew! We did it.  Can we take a break now?"  It's been hard getting back into my routine of double digit miles.  On other date nights, I have eaten things I haven't had in a very long time.  I chose to have the peanut butter blizzard from DQ.  And tracking was the furthest thing from my mind.

Goodness I wish I had that pink eraser.  Not just with my continuing weight loss journey but with this single life.  I know I have missed several great moments because I messed them up or ignored them altogether.  I am trying to get out there and have fun.....stay out a little passed my curfew.  Part of me wants to but the dedicated, fighter me says no because 4:30 a.m. comes way too early.   So little steps I take and abandon the fighter me, the Weight Watcher me, at the door.  While out one night, I had chicken strips with french fries.  On another night I had street tacos.  The street tacos were during the week I should have been working my butt off to get this weight off.  Now I am down to this week.  I am hoping if I stay strictly on my program and walk at least 14 miles a day, I will lose at least 5 pounds.

So, while no Chex Mix or chocolate chips, no cookies have entered my house, the jelly beans have! Jelly beans!  I haven't had jelly beans in over 2 years until this week.  Ugh!!!! Pink eraser where are you?!  I am about to go walk about 6 miles this morning before Easter lunch.  I will not , DO NOT want to buy BIGGER clothes.   So my strategy is to begin from the beginning.   Play like I am starting over.  At least that's my plan.  My girlfriend who I walk with told me the other day she could tell I needed a break after reaching goal for the second time.  Burn out was where I was headed by the way I was talking.  She supported this break time of mine she said, but break time is over she said.

I know I have so many of you looking to me as an example.  An example of what hard work, dedication, determination, and loyalty can result in.  I promise to retain that title and not let you down.  For I have a dressy dress and a polka dot swimsuit to still fit into.

Y'all have a great week.....donate all that left over Easter candy somewhere!

Christina

If you have to cry, go outside other things you should know

You know, there are days, okay months too, that I am a combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me."

Let's chat about hormones.  Not only the kind that get you starry-eyed at the thought of romance or a night out or the kind that creates those sugar cravings at least once a month.  There is that hormone that causes hunger.  Then there is the stress hormone.  Ugh.  

I am by nature a sensitive person.  I can cry sometimes at the drop of a hat.  I go at things hard and open myself up sometimes.  I do not handle stress all that well.  

Lately I have not been honoring my Lifetime status.  Not sure what it is.  Is it because I've become complacent again with this life?  Have I let life take control?  About 8 lbs. have bone back on and I do not like that.  So it's time to get back into fight mode.  Do I have what it takes?  Absolutely! I have a couple of things coming up and HAVE to get back to goal.

Hormones and weight loss should be in the same category as oil and water.  Am I right?  So, as women, there are at least two weeks (for me anyway) out of every month that can be totally hormonal.  Hell, sometimes those pesky hormones can run rampant the entire month.  Then there is the hunger and stress hormone.

I threw out there asking you if there was something you'd like to me write about.  I know all about hormones.  As I get older, they are twisty and soooo unpredictable.  While I was in the first and second phase of my weight loss journey, I suppose I suppressed any hormones.  They weren't all that noticeable.

After I lost the bulk of the weight, my body started adjusting, including hormone level.  I realized the week Aunt Rosie was in town, I needed to not think about men or anything social.  The hormones magnified those emotions ten fold.  I had to fight back any cravings I had for sweets, croutons, or other snacky foods.

Food wasn't the only thing those dreaded hormones affected.  They drudged up emotions that could cause me to go way off track. So you're wanting to know what I did.  Well......

Early on I handled it pretty well.  I was losing just about every week so I didn't really think of them as a problem.  But as I inched closer to my goal and the weight seemed to slow down, hormonal days became too frequent and more difficult to handle.   During those weeks, I chose not to go out because any little thing (missed smile, look, or gesture from a guy) was magnified.  Which would cause me to eat those chocolate chips, croutons, etc.

So how do I handle them now? It's a learning process.  My hormones take over and I eat things shouldn't  But I stop and think how far I have come.  Gaining 8 lbs. is not much when I look at the big picture of losing 202 lbs.  I have continued and will continue to walk, sometimes double digits. That's part of my fight mode.  Activity helps with those hormonal days.

Then there's the hunger hormone. It sneaks up on you and before you know it instead of making healthy choices, you drive straight through the line at McDonald's or Chick Fil A.  I know the feeling....while my car hasn't randomly driven in the parking lot of Burger King, I go to the store and pick up things I know are bad for me.  What will it take for me to get back in fight mode?  Conquer that hunger hormone?

Right now, I have an amazing guy in my life and things are good.  He knows I am on Weight Watchers and he eats fairly healthy...... just need to handle his craving for sweets.   I fear I have become complacent and comfortable with this part of my life.  As my friend says, I have worked so very hard for this and I deserve this happiness I am experiencing.   So what if I have to be in fight mode a little while longer to get back to a place where I am happy?

Hormones.  Ugh!  As women not only do we struggle with female hormone, we deal with stress and hunger hormones.  They can be nasty little devils.  But we are strong and will not let them get to us while on this weight loss journey.

Don't forget to follow my blog by signing up with your email.

Christina

Rarely a bridesmaid, Never a bride....so where's the trigger

***So I had thought about changing the subject of this post.  I met and a great guy this past weekend. Only hope it's the beginning of a wonderful adventure.  But I got to thinking the post could still apply.  So I'm leaving it as is.  Who knows?  I could be at this spot all over again in a blink of an eye.....which appears could be today.*****

An invitation arrives in the mail.  Ugh! Another wedding.  So you show up at the reception, toast the newlyweds while scoping the guests for a potential candidate.  I've done it.

Or the person on the scale next to yours loses those 4, 5, or 6 lbs that you were supposed to lose  You worked just as hard right?  

I can count on one hand the times I've been part of a wedding.  I can count on one hand how many times I've been the front runner from a job interview.  I would still have fingers left to count how many times I've been the object of someone's pursuit or interest.  And although I met someone great this past weekend, the trigger is always at the ready.

For me, finding out the job I wanted went to someone else, the guy I was truly interested in likes someone else, or hell when my emotions get the best of me, I still turn to food.  Yes, even after losing the weight I have, food is a trigger.

Deep down there is still part of me that reaches for or makes a bad choice when something doesn't go the way I think it should.  Learning how to handle and process these emotions is ever ongoing.  I texted a friend not too long ago about a trigger food.  She asked what is a trigger food.  I explained to her they are foods that I will eat when I experience certain emotions.

We all have them.  No sense in denying it.  Foods that when certain emotions rear their ugly heads stand front and center.  For me the BIGGEST thing that can make my finger on the trigger shake is putting myself out in the "real world."  Meeting new people, especially men.  Because this social experiment we call dating is still new to me, when the signs aren't there or the signals aren't what they're supposed to be,  I can regress and want to crawl in a bunker.

I have seen several posts about women like being chased.  Chased? What is that?  Oh, that is when a boy pursues a girl whom he likes.  Yeah, I've never experienced that.  I don't get the guys tripping over themselves to ask me out nor text me.  (Please remember to just nod and say okay)

Nor do I get every company I interview with leaving messages on my phone wanting me immediately.  I have to realize those things do not happen to me.  Several months ago I submitted my success story to Weight Watchers.  Although it was nice that my leader encouraged me to do so, I knew I wouldn't get selected.  I try to hope for the best but always expect the reality.

Although I don't call on Papa Johns for a large pizza or grab a pint of Blue Bell in a popular flavor, I still reach for those foods that are not good choices.  I reach for bags of Chex Mix (Turtle is my favorite mixed with the dark chocolate) or cookie dough.  They soothe.  Once that trigger is pulled it takes me a while to get over the impact.

There is a girl in this singles group I am TRYING to invade who told a few guys the other night that I am a rare unicorn.  I'm not sure what that means, although I know it is something good.  I wish employers and men would see that and want to get to know me.  What makes me a rare unicorn.

While I was losing the 202 lbs., I was careful to keep my hand off the trigger.  So what is it hard now that I am Lifetime?  It was so easy when all I focused on was losing the weight.  Maybe I just answered my own question.  But at the same time, I yearn for that great job, someone special in my life, and to be able to do those fun things.

Whether it's a large trigger or a small one, they will always be there.  People can tell you how to handle it, but you may not follow the advice exactly.   I want a day, a week, a year, when I can toss the trigger(s) in the water and watch it/them sink to the bottom.   I'm anxiously awaiting that day.

Christina

The comforts of home.

It is scheduled.....your vacation.  Excitement sets in because you're visiting a place you've never been to before.  Excited about having new adventures, etc.  Then you see it......the phrase you've been waiting for......all the comforts of home.  Whether it be the treadmill, the fluffy pillows or plenty of bottled water.  

Or the smell of your favorite comfort food.  Your mouth waters at the thought of meatloaf, mac and cheese, or that platter of fried chicken.  Then you remember what you've worked so hard to achieve and wouldn't want to ruin all that hard work.  

I stepped up with my big girl panties on and went ahead and weighed on Sunday.  Not as bad as I thought.  The last two weeks have had their shares of stressful moments.  And I seemed to want was comfort food....or what I now called comfort food.  

Those things I call comfort now are my running shoes, being able to walk, and apples.  But I also find (sometimes) the inside of my house very comfortable.  I tend to be the "all or nothing" type person and when those things I've wanted or waited for so long don't happen, the the thought of cozying up on my couch is the best thing.

I was added to a singles group via facebook.  It's quite entertaining and it takes over my entire feed, which is good I suppose this week with all the Valentine (yuk!) posts.  It has prompted me to step outside my comfort zone to do things.  The other night I went to an event and I was so out of my comfort zone it felt like outer space.  I suppose it's because I didn't have an escape plan.  And the night before that I was in the same area of my comfort zone but just outside a little bit.  Got my behind slapped and hoisted off the ground.

That's what this new life of mine is all about.....leaving my comfort zone and doing things I normally wouldn't do.  But when I am so far removed from it that I start having panic attacks, I can't seem to get inside fast enough.  I remember the first time I walked into Victoria Secret.  I remember thinking, why am I in here?  And look now, I can't stay out of it.  Maybe because my zone is within eye range.

I could choose to attend events within a certain mileage radius.  But then I would only see what was within that 30 miles.  I wouldn't get to experience anything outside that 30 miles.   No, I'm not going to stay within that 30 miles.  But when I leave the zone, I will have an escape route.

All the comforts of home.  Wouldn't it be nice if those things we choose to do that are outside our comfort zone weren't so far out after all?  It'd be nice if all the restaurants had Weight Watcher Smart Points on their menus.  Sometimes we need those comforts of home to make us feel safer.  I think if we are able to still have those favorite things with us when we leave the zone, we are able to enjoy this new experience better.

The theme this week is Who Do You Inspire?  I was thinking about this.  This may sound corny or selfish, but I inspire myself.  I inspire myself to continue this healthy journey and learning to leave the zone and enjoy new experiences.  Meet new people.

 Y'all have a great week!   Yes, Happy Heart Day.......just because y'all are cuties.

Christina

What does your (inner) family tree look like?

"...........there's a school of thought that the family you're born into is simply a starting point........They clothe you, feed you, take are of you until you're ready for the real world.........and find your tribe."

This blog is about my journey with Weight Watchers. I realize some of the content should be about eating habits, what's good and what's not good to eat.  Ups and downs about the new Smart Points Program  And I will go back to those subjects.  But it's also about the journey I am taking mentally after losing 202 lbs.  The transformation of my mind and changes in my reactions.  So indulge me for a little while longer.

As with reaching goal (both times), I celebrated a little after reaching lifetime.  As someone on my "family tree" pointed out, I worked really, really hard for this.  I deserve to heave sigh of completion/relief and enjoy a break.  Oh, and some of you know that I named my inner self (goddess) as Persephone.  Well, she changed her name to Pandora.  We like that name much better.  Persephone guided me through one chapter.  Pandora will help me with the next chapter/phase.....relax and have fun with this new life.

Just as losing 202 lbs. sometimes can be just so so, so can lifetime.  I realized today I can't really let my guard down and relax too much.  And I can't really slow down my walking.  I suppose that's a good thing.  I didn't like wine ALL that much and who needs the Maytag Blue cheese chips or lettuce wraps once a month.  Thank goodness I love apples and berries as much as I do.  So I will probably try to lose the difference to get down to the top of my range so I can have a 10-15 cushion.  So I won't be afraid to step on the scale the first time of the month when I attend a meeting.  The number still matters to me because I suppose it's one of the few things I can control.  And it's a fear.  

So family trees.  No, I'm not talking about the ones with Aunt Ida or Cousin Joe on them.  Nor the ones connecting lineage to a famous athlete or actor.  It is the inner family tree. You know the people that are in your support network.  They serve different purposes.  Those that are in your closet inner circle.  Some hang out on the farthest branch and those that flew the coop!   My inner family tree has changed many times in the last year.  I realized I need to have positive people on the inner branches. It is a little different than a fan club.  The people that help you succeed, lift you up, are there to suggest a healthier food option, and of course to help you celebrate.

At the top of my family tree is a lady whom I admire and go to for sensible, good for you advice. She will always make me laugh.  She's been married a long time so I entertain her with my singleista adventures.  Then I have my sisters........they know who they are.  Two blonds and one brunette. The paddle board queen, the roller derby diva, and one that tries to see the good in just about everyone. And maybe one or two thrown in there for good measure.  We are sassy at times and can make trouble if we're not careful.  We motivate each other and celebrate every small victory.  We influence each other. We may have differences, but at the end of the day, I don't know what I would do without them.

There are the cool aunts, Persephone and Pandora.  Of course these people do not exist but they help me with this transition.  Persephone guided me through one phase. When I needed a psych slap she was there.  When I was tired and thought I couldn't go any further, she told me I was not done.  Pandora......as with the meaning of Pandora, I am curious as to what life holds for me.  I am curious just enough as to what may lay ahead but smart enough to choose the right box.....sometimes.

And of course, there is that one person who isn't really liked but is included in the tree because, well....let's face it what would our lives be without a person like this?!  My friend Laura suggested this one.....the perverted uncle.  He represents the men thus far that have taught me strange lessons and made me realize that just because the book cover looks interesting, doesn't mean you should turn the pages.  He represents those men that used me or just tossed me aside without a second look.

On those miscellaneous outer branches, are people that just hang out.  I may see them from time to time.  They represent what I once needed or thought I wanted.

Who is on your inner family tree?  There are those ties that bind and no matter what will never be broken.  The cool thing about an inner family tree is we get to pick who's on it.  And it can change as we do.   It's a brand new week, go have some fun and remember to bust a move!